apathy
so someone from the past has been on my mind today. i have these really REAL dreams sometimes and i cant seem to get them out of my head even after i wake up. and i look at my greatest acomplishment and wonder if it has also been my biggest mistake because so many choices seem to have been taken away from me. i just cant get things out of my head. and so, here is my life.
i wonder if i will ever feel that tingle again. like with jim when he sang me our love song. like with tim when he called me gypsy. like with tony before i really knew him. and with the person from my dream last night, after years of waiting for it. high as a kite, on nothing but life. i miss that feeling.
i know i felt it before with adam, i just dont remember it when its gone. i dont remember it in the middle of poopy diapers, and spagetti on the floor and screaming and crying and timeouts. i dont remember it when we're fighting about the finances or ex boyfriends or biblical values that nobody has enough self discipline to uphold. i just dont remember it most of the time. and then a night comes when something happens and it is there. and i fall asleep in his arms because it is just so heavenly, when normally i am only an insomniac tucked in the sheets.
and then i forget it again. but somehow can remember it in a dream with someone else and i ache for them...no, i ache for that tingle once again. count yourself lucky if you are still there.
*e
i wonder if i will ever feel that tingle again. like with jim when he sang me our love song. like with tim when he called me gypsy. like with tony before i really knew him. and with the person from my dream last night, after years of waiting for it. high as a kite, on nothing but life. i miss that feeling.
i know i felt it before with adam, i just dont remember it when its gone. i dont remember it in the middle of poopy diapers, and spagetti on the floor and screaming and crying and timeouts. i dont remember it when we're fighting about the finances or ex boyfriends or biblical values that nobody has enough self discipline to uphold. i just dont remember it most of the time. and then a night comes when something happens and it is there. and i fall asleep in his arms because it is just so heavenly, when normally i am only an insomniac tucked in the sheets.
and then i forget it again. but somehow can remember it in a dream with someone else and i ache for them...no, i ache for that tingle once again. count yourself lucky if you are still there.
*e