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Well I guess all of you know by now what is going on...I tried calling Sarah today and couldnt get an answer, so I left her a message on her cell. God, I hope she gets it. You know I dont know when things are going to get better for us. I thought things were finally getting better. When I got here...Mom, Joel, and Benji were all there. And they all
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I want you to know that I missed my flight yesterday. I'm still in LA. I was planning on coming to MD to try to talk to you...fight for you like I said I was going to. When I found out what was going on I decided not to. You need to be with your family and handle your business there. That is far more important than anything else.
I think I may just head to work like I had planned...I know that there is nothing left for me here in LA and I know that if I don't get there soon they are going to fire me and I really will be stuck sitting here doing nothing but thinking and to be honest I don't think I could handle that.
I still love you. I don't know why I'm telling you this...I just feel I needed to say it before I leave. I'm here if you need me...your apology is more than accepted, it's appreciated and it makes me feel a lot better. I am praying for you and your family. Each and every one of you are in my heart.
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Things are in no way the way that I want them. I want things to be good for everyone, and I want everyone to be happy and safe. And right now dont know what to do about any of it. I know some of the things I said to you were mean and hurtful and if I could change them, I would. But as you know I cant.
I think you and I should sit down and talk..-sighs- I know things have ended and I dont really know what to say, all I know is that I dont want things between us to be weird. I still want to be your friend. Always.
I still love you Jen. I probably always will. Getting over someone you love isnt going to be easy and I may never fully move on, and right now...I dont want to. I want to grasp on to the memories the good times...The first time I talked to you, and all I said was "I'm a Madden", and your reply was "So, Im a Hewitt". I dont know what made me im you that day...but I will always be thankful that I did....
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All I want is for me to wake up and this all be over, it be a bad dream. A nightmare is more like it. I dont know what we have ever done to deserve all of this. Its not fair...Its not
I know, I want you in my life too. I dont know what I mean by this and I dont know much of anything right now. This shouldnt be discussed right now, not here. that i will agree with you on...we should do this face to face. And we will...I just dont know when.
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You don't deserve this. No one deserves what you have been through.
There are things that need to be said and they will be said, when the time is right. Now is not that time. Please, go be with your family, your brothers, your sister, your mother. Don't think about me. Focus on them. They need you...
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we will talk soon
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