Misunderstood
There a point in your life when you realize that you can't make people understand you.It's pretty simple reason why They did not go through what you did.Even if the same things happen to them that person may be effected differently and even if it does not how they dealt with it may be different.Most people can't truly understand cause well there not you.They can try and some can come close but they won't truly know.That how I felt my whole life.When my mother died she left a bunch a people broken and in pain but she only left one son.So in that simple fact my pain and grieving process is different then everyone else.Just like her sister,brother,Daughter,Father and Husband would be different than mine. I have always felt cursed cause I have no memory of her but who I'm to say my pain is worse than some who does.This did make things interesting though when I got older cause the question arose How do you move on from something you never knew?That question made most of my teenage years a living hell cause all I felt was that something had been ripped from me.Of course I knew what it was but that was the feeling.I couldn't put a face to the pain or angry.Even though I have seen pictures of my mother.I just felt empty and add that in with a Abuse of stepmother,absent father and just has fuck up sister you get me at 16.Nothing that what I was Nothing I barely had the will to live.After a while(not to mention three shrinks)I got better.This not why I here though.See people seem never able to grasp my choices at least the more insane ones.Like dropping out school.The choice that seems to give the most grief is leaving.Now this has changed from I was 16 where I all wanted was to run away and stop talking to everyone I know.That not my plan anymore I'm just going away to college and stay in contact with friends and my father.I don't need to cut him off but I do Karen. I love my friends but lets face it there in there mid twenties or my age just not idk something missing I guess.I want to leave guess I just know its right.That if I dont now I never will.My life will become my fathers.At least in someway I can become something different even if that just a address at least 50 years from now I say I gave it a shot.This is not about running from my problems it as not been for a couple years now.I'm stupid enough to think a couple hundred or thousand miles will make everything better.Yet I know in my gut an heart this city is not where I belong.I'm sure I will miss my friends and father but in the end its just not right for me here but what I said still applies most people don't get other people choices.I have talk to my father for hours about it along with my friends and I still I don't know if they understand.At least my friends give me these looks like I'm crazy (only one support me without any explaining of course she like me too).I'm not special and I'm not saying people have never gotten me.In fact I know a few people who know me better than I know myself(that mostly cause they have outside look ).Just that my choice is based on what I have lived through and no one has lived my life.Some get the need to see the world others get the wanting to get away from a crazy person a very few get both.Still the only other person who has crazy family like me still does not see why I need to leave the city.I guess it just not in him.One of my favorite lines from Californication Is you will die five miles from where you where born.The show main character leaves Rhodie Island cause of that.So much of my live has been the same kind of shit and I just want too see the other kinds if that makes any sense.I know my life is not here that is the best I explain it.