(no subject)
Loooonnnnnnnng entry time.
For the past four days I've been away from school, away from home, and out of this world. I went along with Grace Lutheran Church's junior high (7th through 9th) youth group for a weekend retreat at Lazy F Ranch in eastern WA. This is the first time I've ever been a counselor.
I had the opportunity to start being a counselor back in the summer of 9th grade. Every year someone would ask me if I wanted to go to this or that retreat with kids, and every year I said "nnnnno." I have a problem with responsibility, as most of you know. Plus, being a counselor meant leading kids on their path down the Christian road, and I was positive I'd be the worst candidate for that position. I'm a terrible Christian! And an arrogant jerk to top it off.
Well, in April something funny happened. I hadn't been to church in a long time, although my relationship with God was as strong as ever, if not stronger. I started casually praying for something to do -- somewhere that I could use my talents for God. At first I thought I should be ministering at school. I mean, we're pretty godless up here at UW. I take that back....our gods are things like money, schoolwork, or friends. I figured God had put me here to send out the message to those who didn't have it.
I was pretty freakin' wrong.
At this point, with no direction in my Christian life, I began to deeply desire a return to the Grace Lutheran Church days of yore: retreats, crazy nights, Sunday school, the works. So when Tim Oleson, our youth pastor, called me up out of the blue and said "Hey, you wanna come on our Junior High Bus Lock-In this weekend?" my immediate response was "HECK YES!!!" I got really nervous in the next couple of days....this would be my first venture as a semi-counselor, and I did not know ANY of the junior high kids.
Turns out, I had diddly squat to worry about. Darned if my personality happens to be PERFECTLY SUITED for church youth group counseling! This got me totally sparked and I thought, "Hey, maybe I could go to Lazy F and be a counselor there."
(Quick clarification: bus lock-ins are 12 hours of nonstop fun from 7 pm to 7 am and involve things like Laser Floyd, Whirlyball, bowling, and pizza. Lazy F is a camp place that the 7th - 9th graders go on every year for like the past 20 years.)
So blah blah blah, Tim calls me needing Lazy F adults, I cringe at the word "adults", but Jesus says KELSEY YOU NEED TO DO THIS, so I go.
I received three distinct signs before we even left for camp that I was "meant" to go on this retreat. Trust me, they were obvious signs. So I was encouraged by this and the fact that there were actually other counselors that I knew going on the trip: my sister Crystal and her friend Linda, high school seniors Megan and Christine, plus the usual dudes Brian, Eric, Todd, and Paul -- rad people every one. Oh and the kids. Turned out tons of the kids were the younger siblings of all my friends. That was fun.
THE TRIP ITSELF. RULED. The theme of the weekend was "Come Into My Heart, Jesus", which happens to be the only retreat theme that I can remember in 6 years of retreating. My small group was fantasmagorical. Each and every kid was inspirational. One of the first questions of our weekend was "Have you let Jesus Christ into your heart? How do you know?" None of my kids answered yes. This shows how wise they are; they believe, but they don't blindly say "Oh yes, I'm living with Jesus in my heart!" My seven small group members said "No, I haven't let him into my heart yet....but I want to." Probably my favorite part of the whole trip was watching them grow and change and learn and love. Every one of the 50 or so kids at this retreat had at least one moment where they showed love to someone else. Awesome.
We did all sorts of ridiculously fun things. Dodgeball, where I ineptly did not dodge a ball that Jerry Wert, an adult, aimed directly at my face...think I broke my aorta. Water bottle fights like made...me and Jessica, a great kid, started this and continued it with several others through the day until the fishing derby, where Brian Birch tackled kids Nash and Ivanka and threw them into the pond. Beautiful. Water ballon fights later, Linda and I co-planned an ambush for the boys after breakfast, mwahaha. River Rafting in our small groups...this was when we all truly bonded, having sing-alongs and quoting Mitch Hedberg and Will Ferrell. Our last campfire was really meaningful I think. We, the counselors, had to administer Holy Communion to our small group kids and then give them a blessing, basically saying good things about them. Hopefully I said the right things, I think I did. (This last sentence can actually be applied to every moment of that retreat.) Then we hugged each other and I looked at my small group and how much each kid had grown in three days and I almost cried. I must remember to tell their parents of their radness, maturity, and kind hearts. The hike the next day mildly killed me, it was hot as heck and a long way to the top. But the top was well worth it.
I felt like Jack Black's change-of-heart substitute teacher on School Of Rock, except with Jesus instead of Rock. (Same thing.) I tried as best as I could to give my small group kids and the rest of the kids as well some tools and advice they'll need on their path to Christ. I hope I did an okay job.
Now that that experience has passed, I'm confused and a little low. I don't want to be back at school/the real world. I don't want to go to class tomorrow then work for so many hours at that horrible Coldwater Creek. I want to be back with kids and watch them build friendships and move mountains. I want to be in a group where it's ok to sing "Take Me Home, Country Roads" and mean it. I want to hug people around a campfire and have everyone look up at the stars.
I really, really, really want to believe in Jesus Christ and not be made fun of for it.
"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe tomorrow."
For the past four days I've been away from school, away from home, and out of this world. I went along with Grace Lutheran Church's junior high (7th through 9th) youth group for a weekend retreat at Lazy F Ranch in eastern WA. This is the first time I've ever been a counselor.
I had the opportunity to start being a counselor back in the summer of 9th grade. Every year someone would ask me if I wanted to go to this or that retreat with kids, and every year I said "nnnnno." I have a problem with responsibility, as most of you know. Plus, being a counselor meant leading kids on their path down the Christian road, and I was positive I'd be the worst candidate for that position. I'm a terrible Christian! And an arrogant jerk to top it off.
Well, in April something funny happened. I hadn't been to church in a long time, although my relationship with God was as strong as ever, if not stronger. I started casually praying for something to do -- somewhere that I could use my talents for God. At first I thought I should be ministering at school. I mean, we're pretty godless up here at UW. I take that back....our gods are things like money, schoolwork, or friends. I figured God had put me here to send out the message to those who didn't have it.
I was pretty freakin' wrong.
At this point, with no direction in my Christian life, I began to deeply desire a return to the Grace Lutheran Church days of yore: retreats, crazy nights, Sunday school, the works. So when Tim Oleson, our youth pastor, called me up out of the blue and said "Hey, you wanna come on our Junior High Bus Lock-In this weekend?" my immediate response was "HECK YES!!!" I got really nervous in the next couple of days....this would be my first venture as a semi-counselor, and I did not know ANY of the junior high kids.
Turns out, I had diddly squat to worry about. Darned if my personality happens to be PERFECTLY SUITED for church youth group counseling! This got me totally sparked and I thought, "Hey, maybe I could go to Lazy F and be a counselor there."
(Quick clarification: bus lock-ins are 12 hours of nonstop fun from 7 pm to 7 am and involve things like Laser Floyd, Whirlyball, bowling, and pizza. Lazy F is a camp place that the 7th - 9th graders go on every year for like the past 20 years.)
So blah blah blah, Tim calls me needing Lazy F adults, I cringe at the word "adults", but Jesus says KELSEY YOU NEED TO DO THIS, so I go.
I received three distinct signs before we even left for camp that I was "meant" to go on this retreat. Trust me, they were obvious signs. So I was encouraged by this and the fact that there were actually other counselors that I knew going on the trip: my sister Crystal and her friend Linda, high school seniors Megan and Christine, plus the usual dudes Brian, Eric, Todd, and Paul -- rad people every one. Oh and the kids. Turned out tons of the kids were the younger siblings of all my friends. That was fun.
THE TRIP ITSELF. RULED. The theme of the weekend was "Come Into My Heart, Jesus", which happens to be the only retreat theme that I can remember in 6 years of retreating. My small group was fantasmagorical. Each and every kid was inspirational. One of the first questions of our weekend was "Have you let Jesus Christ into your heart? How do you know?" None of my kids answered yes. This shows how wise they are; they believe, but they don't blindly say "Oh yes, I'm living with Jesus in my heart!" My seven small group members said "No, I haven't let him into my heart yet....but I want to." Probably my favorite part of the whole trip was watching them grow and change and learn and love. Every one of the 50 or so kids at this retreat had at least one moment where they showed love to someone else. Awesome.
We did all sorts of ridiculously fun things. Dodgeball, where I ineptly did not dodge a ball that Jerry Wert, an adult, aimed directly at my face...think I broke my aorta. Water bottle fights like made...me and Jessica, a great kid, started this and continued it with several others through the day until the fishing derby, where Brian Birch tackled kids Nash and Ivanka and threw them into the pond. Beautiful. Water ballon fights later, Linda and I co-planned an ambush for the boys after breakfast, mwahaha. River Rafting in our small groups...this was when we all truly bonded, having sing-alongs and quoting Mitch Hedberg and Will Ferrell. Our last campfire was really meaningful I think. We, the counselors, had to administer Holy Communion to our small group kids and then give them a blessing, basically saying good things about them. Hopefully I said the right things, I think I did. (This last sentence can actually be applied to every moment of that retreat.) Then we hugged each other and I looked at my small group and how much each kid had grown in three days and I almost cried. I must remember to tell their parents of their radness, maturity, and kind hearts. The hike the next day mildly killed me, it was hot as heck and a long way to the top. But the top was well worth it.
I felt like Jack Black's change-of-heart substitute teacher on School Of Rock, except with Jesus instead of Rock. (Same thing.) I tried as best as I could to give my small group kids and the rest of the kids as well some tools and advice they'll need on their path to Christ. I hope I did an okay job.
Now that that experience has passed, I'm confused and a little low. I don't want to be back at school/the real world. I don't want to go to class tomorrow then work for so many hours at that horrible Coldwater Creek. I want to be back with kids and watch them build friendships and move mountains. I want to be in a group where it's ok to sing "Take Me Home, Country Roads" and mean it. I want to hug people around a campfire and have everyone look up at the stars.
I really, really, really want to believe in Jesus Christ and not be made fun of for it.
"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe tomorrow."