when the music fades all is stripped away...
distractions suck.
i haven't gone out in forever...
i haven' had this feeling in forever...
it's a bad feeling...
you know that feeling when you think something bad is going to happen.
or maybe it already did.
today- Woke up, didn't go to the bathroom because the toilets are broken, started cleaning my desk, stayed in my pajamas all day, went to g-state and paid my fees, went to IKEA and bought some a tv swivel and something else to build, went to the grocery where i had insufficient funds because i bought two big bottles of wine (so I had to put back the lasagna, drinks, and sausage), came to the village and finally bathed, went to Norcross and watched a movie with Michael, and now i'm back in my room.
i think i had a pretty good day. i like spending time by myself. but then i also like the company. didn't answer the phone all day because i'm a bitch.
i've started having some weird mood swings. it reminds me of my sad days. i haven't been like this in a long time. it's almost like depression, but i'm not depressed. i just have that weird feeling. i used to think in such a weird way...oh...i remember. i start thinking this way when i am alone. not all the time. but when i felt really alone, i think really deep. wow. this journal really helps. i can get my thoughts out and figure them out.
we watched requiem for a dream tonight. it gave me an ill feeling. drugs suck. it sucks that i know people who are like that. i'm real glad that i didn't get into that. it's weird to think that i dated a guy who did.
do you ever just start talking to yourself out loud? like really talking? when i get real pissed off or hyped up about something i do. i did that three times today out of the blue. it kinda freaked me out. not sure if that should be public knowledge or not, but whatever.
i don't want to talk to some people. i'm kinda mad that i let these losers in my life. michael told me that a majority of the guys i like are asses. i think that's true, too. so should i still hang out with them or not? i don't think so. but then i become real shady if i don't. i'm thinking of one person in particular. don't think i ever really liked him...really really liked him...ugh. i don't want to date a guy like him ever again. i kinda look back and think why did i like him? i think it might have been his look. he's a dumbass though...he had the body with no brains. but that is probably mean to say.
mae is moving to los angeles on the tenth. i haven't talked to her, really talked to her in forever. i hope she does well out there. i'm really proud of her. i think she's grown up great...(weird to say, but true.) hopefully i'll be able to go see her before she leaves.
i'm going to go eat chips and my 1/2 galon of ice cream right now...because that's the only food i decided to keep in my basket. i had to sacrifice the 'real food' for alcohol. so i can have my alcoholic nights by myself.
i
i haven't gone out in forever...
i haven' had this feeling in forever...
it's a bad feeling...
you know that feeling when you think something bad is going to happen.
or maybe it already did.
today- Woke up, didn't go to the bathroom because the toilets are broken, started cleaning my desk, stayed in my pajamas all day, went to g-state and paid my fees, went to IKEA and bought some a tv swivel and something else to build, went to the grocery where i had insufficient funds because i bought two big bottles of wine (so I had to put back the lasagna, drinks, and sausage), came to the village and finally bathed, went to Norcross and watched a movie with Michael, and now i'm back in my room.
i think i had a pretty good day. i like spending time by myself. but then i also like the company. didn't answer the phone all day because i'm a bitch.
i've started having some weird mood swings. it reminds me of my sad days. i haven't been like this in a long time. it's almost like depression, but i'm not depressed. i just have that weird feeling. i used to think in such a weird way...oh...i remember. i start thinking this way when i am alone. not all the time. but when i felt really alone, i think really deep. wow. this journal really helps. i can get my thoughts out and figure them out.
we watched requiem for a dream tonight. it gave me an ill feeling. drugs suck. it sucks that i know people who are like that. i'm real glad that i didn't get into that. it's weird to think that i dated a guy who did.
do you ever just start talking to yourself out loud? like really talking? when i get real pissed off or hyped up about something i do. i did that three times today out of the blue. it kinda freaked me out. not sure if that should be public knowledge or not, but whatever.
i don't want to talk to some people. i'm kinda mad that i let these losers in my life. michael told me that a majority of the guys i like are asses. i think that's true, too. so should i still hang out with them or not? i don't think so. but then i become real shady if i don't. i'm thinking of one person in particular. don't think i ever really liked him...really really liked him...ugh. i don't want to date a guy like him ever again. i kinda look back and think why did i like him? i think it might have been his look. he's a dumbass though...he had the body with no brains. but that is probably mean to say.
mae is moving to los angeles on the tenth. i haven't talked to her, really talked to her in forever. i hope she does well out there. i'm really proud of her. i think she's grown up great...(weird to say, but true.) hopefully i'll be able to go see her before she leaves.
i'm going to go eat chips and my 1/2 galon of ice cream right now...because that's the only food i decided to keep in my basket. i had to sacrifice the 'real food' for alcohol. so i can have my alcoholic nights by myself.
i