what really makes this thing called life so difficult?

[mackitmp06]

what really makes this so difficult? why is it so hard at times. is it because we are accustomed to a certain way of life. we have preset ideals of what life should be. we have created a dream within us that we believe is the only way we can gain happiness. why do we fall? why do we fail? why why why...why is it always why? what makes it so damn hard to be content. perfection is an impossible feat for us to accomplish,if we know this then why cant we accept it and be content with what we have. why do we always search so tirelessly for our supposed paradise. i get so frustrated thinking about the past and all i´ve lost out of pure foolishness. i lost the love of my life but that doesnt mean i cant continue. i cant hold on to him anymore. he´s gone he will never see me the same and i would be stupid to pursue what cannot exist. i must let him go. he must grow and become what he is destined to be. he accused me of so much and judged me so harshly but i didnt expect less. but i wont accept that anymore i dont deserve to be seen as a bad person because i am not a bad person i just fucked up very badly. its not the same, i´m not the same and wether or not people will acknowledge it i know it is true. i am totally different and i know i can go far if i focus on that. i´m through with love for now. i am going to be very cautious in the future. i am going to stop asking so many useless questions that just hang heavily in the air and weigh on me. they never get answered so whats the point. some things arent meant to be known and i can accept that. im done with useless wastes of time. theres no point dwelling on the past or expecting my future to make itself. i am the only one who can paint my horizon no one can do it for me. and i hope to make a masterpiece. i dont know what i´ll do or where i´ll be but i know that there is some destination cut out for me and i aim to find it no matter the cost. i am going to succeed and no one can say otherwise. no one can base my past on who i will become. no one has that right.
peace
macki
p.s. i really want a new looking page so nicole could you help me please!!!!!i need something new on this page. umm whatever info you need please send me an e-mail and i´ll send it to you. if you want to that is. i want something bright and yet kind of mysterious ....i dont know surprise me. that is if you want to do this....lol. peace beautiful. i love you...macki