IT'S ALIVE
My friend at work reminded me of Livejournal today and I found myself thinking once again how much I wish I could bring myself to write here in my actual journal like I used to. Not that this is LJ -- this is Dreamwidth, clearly -- but it cross-posts to my LJ and I hope that's enough to prevent what I've convinced myself is the inevitable disappearance of all those years when someone ultimately decides to pull the plug on the website.
I'm back in the habit of writing overly complex sentences, it would seem. Never was good at keeping them simple. Also, I'm too tired to do much but ramble at this point. Stream-of-consciousness -- that's how I wrote once upon a time, so I suppose there's nothing wrong with doing it again. If I were in high school, I'd fancy myself quite the artiste.
I'm probably fooling myself if I think I can actually keep up writing in this again, but at least I can try. The lie is a nice thought. I don't know when I stopped being able to write -- somewhere between the fatigue and the onslaught of all those Responsibilities that I don't want and can't keep up with. When the dust settles, who has the energy to think? Let alone compose sentences.
I guess that's where the stream of consciousness comes into play.
I envy them, at any rate. The people with the energy, I mean. I don't remember what motivation feels like, if I ever even really had any to begin with. Maybe I'm all motivation. Maybe I'm so motivated that it's too much, and it makes me so obsessive that I motivate myself right out of excitement and into terror that's so crippling I can't actually get myself to do much more than sit and stare at a screen.
My phone is pinging me.
This entry was originally posted at http://mabaliciousness.dreamwidth.org/3441.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I'm back in the habit of writing overly complex sentences, it would seem. Never was good at keeping them simple. Also, I'm too tired to do much but ramble at this point. Stream-of-consciousness -- that's how I wrote once upon a time, so I suppose there's nothing wrong with doing it again. If I were in high school, I'd fancy myself quite the artiste.
I'm probably fooling myself if I think I can actually keep up writing in this again, but at least I can try. The lie is a nice thought. I don't know when I stopped being able to write -- somewhere between the fatigue and the onslaught of all those Responsibilities that I don't want and can't keep up with. When the dust settles, who has the energy to think? Let alone compose sentences.
I guess that's where the stream of consciousness comes into play.
I envy them, at any rate. The people with the energy, I mean. I don't remember what motivation feels like, if I ever even really had any to begin with. Maybe I'm all motivation. Maybe I'm so motivated that it's too much, and it makes me so obsessive that I motivate myself right out of excitement and into terror that's so crippling I can't actually get myself to do much more than sit and stare at a screen.
My phone is pinging me.
This entry was originally posted at http://mabaliciousness.dreamwidth.org/3441.html. Please comment there using OpenID.