almost over....
i have one more final tomorrow and i'm done with my last fall semester of my college career. so strange.
this whole holiday season thing doesn't seem like its going to be a very good one this year. so many changes, too many to count really and none really for the better. for starters i'm pretty much broke which means people will be getting absolutely shitty gifts this year, and just the whole Christmas Eve thing is going to be so different this year. So many people will be missing for different reasons, and new people will be added, it will just never be the same again and Christmas Eve was the one thing every year I looked forward too. I'm not really looking forward to it this year.
the west coast is staying on the west coast because they all came out for the wedding. my aunty mary isn't going to come and Cammy and Steve might not come because Uncle Sal and Albert died. I still can't believe they died ya know...Uncle Sal was so unexpected it was like one day he was fine and the next day he had cancer but they were going to get it, then the next day the cancer was gone but he was dying anyway. I miss my Uncle Sal so much. I didn't see him often but when I did it was like I saw him everyday, and I loved talking to him on the phone, or hearing him call my Aunty Mary "May", or watching him hold her arm in his while she walked up the front steps carrying her purse in his other hand. And losing Albert was just awful. After watching him battle for 4 years with leukemia, and having him bury his father on the day he was suppose to get a bone marrow transplant, you'd think it couldn't get any worse. I pray for my Aunty Mary every day because honestly I don't know what I would do if I lost my husband and my son in a matter of 4 months. She has no will to live basically, and I can understand why, but I just wish I could do something to make her realize that she has everything to live for. I just want things to go back to normal for her, but it never ever will.
for some reason i was drawn to my cousin frankie's myspace today. i was reading his about me section which is where he'd update everyone on how he was doing and the progress he had made. he last updated it back in February when he found out that his cold turned into a kidney infection, but it was almost like it didn't matter to him because he knew he'd fight through it. He didn't care that it was an uphill battle so long he was alive and happy. the last thing he wrote was that he knew he'd make it through with the help of family and friends supporting him. he was just so positive all the time and he fought and fought and fought. he fought so damn hard, and he was so damn young. Everytime i think of frankie i think about when we were alot younger out on my aunty anna's porch in Tewksbury when my dad just started calling him Hank. No one really knows why, but that day he just had everyone in stitches. I just remember laughing at him all day long and that smile that never left his face. its just not fair that good people get taken away so soon, and i can't help but question why, or think i could have done more to help.
i miss my uncle and my cousins so much, and the holiday season makes me miss them so much more. this is going to be the hardest Christmas to have to get through because I know this is on my whole families mind. it's hard to think of the happy times when this year kind of sucked big ones. its hard to know that it will never be the same again and this year has totally torn up my entire family. i just wish i could take the pain away, or bring all three of them back somehow. we just really need them here.
this was a depressing entry, but good to get it off my chest.
i miss you guys so much
RIP-SM, FD & AM
I never thought you were a fair weather friend
You never let me down, you're true to the end
You’re in the darkest hour, when all was lost
Somehow you left the light on
You faced the wrong and showed the world a thing or two
Stood up for me, for you
And you should know
Some say it wasn’t worth the things we went through
I say it ain’t worth losing you
I hope you know how much you’ve changed all our lives
Someday you’ll see if only through heaven’s eyes
I still remember the things that you said
I keep your words alive I could never forget
Cause in the final hour you made me proud
So proud that I could know you
You told the world its time that they believed in you
You stood for right and truth
And you should know
Some say it wasn’t worth the things we went through
I say it ain’t worth losing you
I hope you know how much you’ve changed all our lives
Someday you’ll see if only through heaven’s eyes
Only through heaven’s eyes ...
And so we can’t forget
We’ve got to keep remembering them all
The ones who took the fall
They did it for us all
And we should learn from it
Stand up if you believe in it
You’ve got to face the world ... be strong
Some say it wasn’t worth the things we went through
I say it ain’t worth losing you
I hope you know how much you’ve changed all our lives
Someday you’ll see if only through heaven’s eyes
this whole holiday season thing doesn't seem like its going to be a very good one this year. so many changes, too many to count really and none really for the better. for starters i'm pretty much broke which means people will be getting absolutely shitty gifts this year, and just the whole Christmas Eve thing is going to be so different this year. So many people will be missing for different reasons, and new people will be added, it will just never be the same again and Christmas Eve was the one thing every year I looked forward too. I'm not really looking forward to it this year.
the west coast is staying on the west coast because they all came out for the wedding. my aunty mary isn't going to come and Cammy and Steve might not come because Uncle Sal and Albert died. I still can't believe they died ya know...Uncle Sal was so unexpected it was like one day he was fine and the next day he had cancer but they were going to get it, then the next day the cancer was gone but he was dying anyway. I miss my Uncle Sal so much. I didn't see him often but when I did it was like I saw him everyday, and I loved talking to him on the phone, or hearing him call my Aunty Mary "May", or watching him hold her arm in his while she walked up the front steps carrying her purse in his other hand. And losing Albert was just awful. After watching him battle for 4 years with leukemia, and having him bury his father on the day he was suppose to get a bone marrow transplant, you'd think it couldn't get any worse. I pray for my Aunty Mary every day because honestly I don't know what I would do if I lost my husband and my son in a matter of 4 months. She has no will to live basically, and I can understand why, but I just wish I could do something to make her realize that she has everything to live for. I just want things to go back to normal for her, but it never ever will.
for some reason i was drawn to my cousin frankie's myspace today. i was reading his about me section which is where he'd update everyone on how he was doing and the progress he had made. he last updated it back in February when he found out that his cold turned into a kidney infection, but it was almost like it didn't matter to him because he knew he'd fight through it. He didn't care that it was an uphill battle so long he was alive and happy. the last thing he wrote was that he knew he'd make it through with the help of family and friends supporting him. he was just so positive all the time and he fought and fought and fought. he fought so damn hard, and he was so damn young. Everytime i think of frankie i think about when we were alot younger out on my aunty anna's porch in Tewksbury when my dad just started calling him Hank. No one really knows why, but that day he just had everyone in stitches. I just remember laughing at him all day long and that smile that never left his face. its just not fair that good people get taken away so soon, and i can't help but question why, or think i could have done more to help.
i miss my uncle and my cousins so much, and the holiday season makes me miss them so much more. this is going to be the hardest Christmas to have to get through because I know this is on my whole families mind. it's hard to think of the happy times when this year kind of sucked big ones. its hard to know that it will never be the same again and this year has totally torn up my entire family. i just wish i could take the pain away, or bring all three of them back somehow. we just really need them here.
this was a depressing entry, but good to get it off my chest.
i miss you guys so much
RIP-SM, FD & AM
I never thought you were a fair weather friend
You never let me down, you're true to the end
You’re in the darkest hour, when all was lost
Somehow you left the light on
You faced the wrong and showed the world a thing or two
Stood up for me, for you
And you should know
Some say it wasn’t worth the things we went through
I say it ain’t worth losing you
I hope you know how much you’ve changed all our lives
Someday you’ll see if only through heaven’s eyes
I still remember the things that you said
I keep your words alive I could never forget
Cause in the final hour you made me proud
So proud that I could know you
You told the world its time that they believed in you
You stood for right and truth
And you should know
Some say it wasn’t worth the things we went through
I say it ain’t worth losing you
I hope you know how much you’ve changed all our lives
Someday you’ll see if only through heaven’s eyes
Only through heaven’s eyes ...
And so we can’t forget
We’ve got to keep remembering them all
The ones who took the fall
They did it for us all
And we should learn from it
Stand up if you believe in it
You’ve got to face the world ... be strong
Some say it wasn’t worth the things we went through
I say it ain’t worth losing you
I hope you know how much you’ve changed all our lives
Someday you’ll see if only through heaven’s eyes