But now I have her (6/7)
We got to New York around 10 A.M. and as soon as we parked I was off the bus with my cigarettes in hand, heading towards Will's bus. So that's where I was now. I had already told Will everything that happened. He almost rushed out to my bus and kicked Brendon's ass. I managed to calm him down, and currently Will, Jon, and I were sitting on the couch thinking about what I should do. If it was up to me I would do nothing, apparently they didn't think that was such a good idea.
“Maybe you should just quit the band?” Gabe suggested.
“NO!” Jon yelled, punching Gabe on the arm.
“HEY! It was just a suggestion.”
“It was a horrible one,” I said.
“Well, what if Brendon quit the band?” Will asked, rather hopeful.
“NO!” Both Jon and I yelled, and then I continued, “No one is quitting the band.”
“Then what are you going to do?” Will asked.
“I already told you all, I'm not going to do anything.” I looked at all of them sternly to get my point across.
“That is such a shitty idea,” Will said.
I rolled my eyes and informed them all on the walk I was taking. Pete had educated me of this really nice lake about ten minutes away from the venue. That was my destination, to get away from it all. I lit up a cigarette and started walking to the lake. It was slightly cold out so I zipped my hoodie and inhaled deeply. Damn, Brendon confused me. I still love him, even after all of that. Even thinking about him rushed the blood to my cheeks and made my heart flutter. I wanted nothing more to be with him, how it was before this god forsaken band.
I flicked my cigarette away and started mentally fighting with myself. When I reached the lake and having the luck that I do, of course Brendon would be sitting up against a tree. I sighed, walked closer and sat down near neighboring tree.
He looked up at me but didn't say anything. I lit up another cigarette and peered out over the lake. Pete was right, it was peaceful. It was a beautiful shade of blue, with a slight hint of green. Just being here almost made me forget that the man sitting a near 10-feet away has been breaking my heart for the past year.
I was staring out over the lake so I wasn't paying attention to Brendon, when I looked over at him he was staring directly at me. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like shit. I ended up sucking my bottom lip into my mouth and avoided his eyes. I don't see why I was nervous, he was the one who should be shaking in his brightly colored Nikes. Nevertheless the more I thought of it, I did realize why I was nervous. I was thinking about the show later; when we do our song Lying blah blah blah add the obnoxiously long title, Brendon, when we were still going out, decided to add this dream sequence thing, when at the end he gets really close to kissing me. Sure it has been awkward, but we both have gotten over it. Now, I could see it just being awkward again.
“R…Ryan, are you okay?” Brendon asked.
I turned my head and looked him, “Yeah, uh I was thinking rather deeply is all.”
“You aren't going to forgive me are you?” he asked.
“That's an intricate question to answer Brendon. You really hurt me. I don't think you ever understood how much I love you.” I inhaled on my cigarette again and peered over at him.
Brendon got up and moved closer to me and was sitting next to me with his shoulder up against my own. “Ry I'm and asshole, and idiot and immature bastard. I could tell you a million times over that I do love you, but after last night I could never expect you to believe it.”
“Shit, Brendon you know how badly I would love to believe you? God I miss you, I miss your body, I miss waking up next to you, I miss you Brendon.” I was on the verge of tears and was going to look like an idiot if I started crying.
“Ryan I miss you so much it hurts. Everyday I wake up not next to you, it feels like thousands of bricks are being thrown against my heart.”
I felt a long tear roll down my face. I want to believe him. All I want is to curl up next to him and cry. I don't want this bullshit drama between us anymore, but I just don't know if I could through the torture of him leaving me.
“I…Brendon, I'm always going to love you,” I said.
I could feel Brendon's head move and it was just over my ear, “Mmm have I ever told you the real reason why I hate that you smoke?”
I took a big gulp, “No you haven't, please do inform me.”
“You look too hot when you smoke,” he licked the shell of my ear, “It's why I hated when you smoked on the bus. I really just wanted to take you where you were standing.”
“Why didn't you?”
“Silly Ryan, you would have pushed me away.” He traced kisses down my jaw line and paused right above my mouth, “I'll prove it.,” then he was walking back to the bus, leaving me confused and well, turned on.
I returned to the bus about an hour later, tired, cold and uncomfortable. Everyone was sitting in the front of the bus, as in Shane, Brendon, Jon and Spencer. I don't know where exactly Audrey was, probably shacking up with Gabe. Everyone was looking at me, and I didn't know what they wanted truthfully. I wasn't going to break down or anything, I mean I have been dealing with this for a year now.
I looked at my cell phone and saw we had about 5 hours until the show, so about an hour until sound check. I walked passed all of them and went into my bunk to read a book. The problem with reading was I couldn't concentrate at all. I kept thinking about how Brendon was going to prove he loved me. I thought of a bunch of things, but nothing that seemed Brendon enough.
Shane walked into the bunk area and sat down on Spencer's bunk and laughed. He just laughed and laughed for about a minute. All I could do was stare at him and wonder what he was on. Spencer and Jon were standing in the doorway, with dumb smiles on their faces as well.
Shane was settling down some but happened to be coughing now. He looked at me and giggled a little bit. “I'm so sorry for you.”
I was sitting in and instant. “Why?”
“Just I'm so sorry for you. I want you to know that I had the utmost faith in you, to fuck him.”
“Excuse me, what are you talking about?” I asked, getting defensive.
Spencer laughed a little and leaned into Jon, “Alright so Brendon comes waltzing into the Academy's bus going on this tangent about how he's an ass hole and he needs to go `commend his sins', okay he didn't say that but…”
Jon started where Spencer got cut off, “What he did say was that he needed to go make things right and what not, so when we told him where you went he ran off the bus and we saw him cut the opposite direction you went and the rest we know about, because he just told us.”
I scrunched my eyes brows up and made some kind of odd face. “Huh, Brendon can run really fast.”
“Out of everything we just said you pick out that Brendon ran fast? You don't realize that we bet on if you two fucked or not?” Shane said.
“Who won?” I asked.
“Did you two fuck, kiss, anything?” Spencer asked.
“Mmm, negative. He got close to kissing me and then said he'll prove it. So, who won?”
“I did.” Will chimed in.
Hearing his voice made me jump because I swear he wasn't there two minutes ago, “Jesus Christ.”
“I know my best friend and you are too classy to fuck in the woods.”
A/N: Next chapter is the last and then there is the epilogue and the story will be done. Comment<3