But now I have her (5/7)
It was about nine at night and the bus was moving along. I was in my bunk reading a book that wasn't even that good. Audrey and Brendon were talking intently with each other, and Jon and Spencer were occupying their free time in the back lounge. Shane was sitting on Spencer's bunk, which was across from mine, playing with his camera.
There was a bright flash and I looked at Shane, who was grinning behind his camera. I sighed and put my book down. He smiled gently at me and offered the camera to me. It a decent picture, I was reading my book, even with my eyes casted downwards you could see the once brown shine was now nowhere to be found.
“The beauty of this picture is, the main focus would be the man reading the book, who looks intent and focused on whatever he may be reading. That, of course would just be the viewer's opinion. Then you have the people who know the man, they of course know the look is battered and broken.” Shane was smiling the whole time he said his philosophical view on the photo.
“Well you have to take in account what is running through the man's head. All he can think about is what the hushed lovers are discussing in the next room over,” I tell him.
“The lovers who are not really lovers though,” Shane mumbled and put his camera down.
I look at him and immaturely stick my tongue out at him. “Whatever, the way that I see it is, as long as Brendon stays with her, they are lovers,” I said defiantly. “Even if they aren't really in love,” I added after a second thought.
“Whatever Romeo,” Shane said.
Shane and I continued to talk about nothing in particular. What I enjoyed most
about Shane's company was, he could hold a conversation, and he was very articulate. Not to say my band mates aren't smart, but they don't have the mental capacity to talk without using the word fuck after every word. So talking with Shane was something that I could truly get used to.
Shane and I were just in the middle of discussing the importance of why guitar hero sucked as a game, when Brendon walked in with a vendetta of some sort. So maybe I was slightly exaggerating a little, he kind of just walked in really pissed off, but he looked really hot pissed off. He may have looked a little too hot, because I really wanted to take him where he was standing and fuck him senseless.
Brendon was standing there, not moving, and just standing. He was breathing heavily and his pupils were dilated. His fists were at his side and he was clenching and unclenching them. He had his lips tightly together and they were turning white. Totally hot.
“Hey man are you okay?” Shane asked him.
“Do not talk to me,” Brendon spat out.
“Brendon, really what's wrong?” I asked him.
“YOU'RE WHATS WRONG! God, why can't you just get the hint that I love you?”
Brendon yelled that, which caused Audrey to come storming in to the small bunk area, Spencer was immediately at my side in a defending manner. Shane, the ass hole that he was, took a picture of everyone's reaction. I was stunned. Obviously I knew that Brendon still loved me, but I expected a little bit longer then this.
I was trying very hard to mask my emotions, and I don't even know if I was succeeding. My heart told me not to fall for this, he crushed me one time before. My brain was telling me to think about this and talk to him. My dick was telling me to just to rip his clothes off.
“You're girlfriend is right there,” I said to him.
“I don't give a flying fuck anymore! Shit Ryan, I've been stuck with her over a fucking year, all because of one night I was drugged. See, I never explained how Audrey and I happened. SHE, that bitch, drugged me.”
“BULL FUCKING SHIT BRENDON!” Audrey yelled, “I never drugged you once. Listen up Ryan you'll fucking love this. I have dealt with a year of the bitching and moaning of Brendon Urie. All I heard was your name pour from HIS lips. `Ryan did this today, why would he do that?' `Ryan doesn't talk to me, why?' Well I don't know Brendon, maybe because you were to goddamn afraid what your fucking precious fans would think.”
My mouth was hanging open. Did Audrey really just tell the truth or was I dreaming? I much rather have it that I was dreaming. Brendon was afraid of what the fans would think? Did he not see Jon and Spencer flaunt their relationship whenever the god given chance arose? All I could think was `what a fucking idiot?' Why did he give a rat's ass on what the fans think? I rather him cheat on me three times over.
The eerie silence was beginning the bother me. Everyone was looking at Audrey calculating if she was telling the truth, and really, why wouldn't she? Why would she need to lie? No one spoke for five minutes at least. The glances moved from Audrey to Brendon. Everyone was glaring at him though. No one knew exactly what to say. It seemed only right if I said something, but I really didn't know what to say.
I could hear Brendon breathing heavily, as if he was trying not to cry. My eyes were stoned over looking straight ahead at nothing. Someone cleared their throat in an awkward manner, and it could have been Shane, or Jon, I didn't really care.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Is that true Brendon?”
“Ryan, look I can explain,” he said.
“Brendon, tell me the truth now. I don't want the lies.”
He dropped his head. “Yeah it's true.”
“Jon and Spencer make out in front of fans for their enjoyment. Why would you even instigate to think that the fans would care?” I asked him.
“Honestly, I didn't want to be another stereotypical emo band. I was being selfish and I dragged Audrey into in, which I am sorry for,” Brendon said, and Audrey dismissed the apology for a hand gesture.
“You cared more about your image then us? You cared more about normal then us? What is wrong with you?”
“Ryan if you just let me explain,” he pleaded.
I got up and stood a good foot away from him, “Why? Why bother explain to me what I understand,” I told him, and then turned myself to face Shane, “You have any images to uphold?”
“I just take pictures.” He grinned.
“Perfect.”
I threw myself at Shane and attacked his mouth. I heard everyone around me gasp and could only imagine the looks on their faces, but once again I didn't care. The sound of shuffling feet, and the shutting of a door was what made me get off of Shane.
“You're an idiot,” Shane said.
“Well obviously. I love a man who cares more about what the media thinks, isn't that just wonderful?” I asked sarcastically.
“What are you going to do?” he asked me.
“No clue, probably the same thing I have been doing. I won't stop loving him because of what he thinks. He can go around pretending for people that he loves her, but I don't need to pretend. I won't quit the band, I won't stop acting the way I do.”
The door opened again, and this time Audrey walked in by herself. She had a small gentle smile on her face, which for once didn't look like it was mocking me. She put a perfectly manicured hand on my arm and looked into my eyes.
“I get that you are never going to able to forgive me for the pain I put you through this year, but over the year I learned to love Brendon as a friend. What he did was wrong, and I told him all the time that he needed to admit to you what he was doing, but he wouldn't listen.”
She took a hold of my arm and sat me down on the bed and continued, “He loves you a whole lot Ryan. There many times that he would just cry on my shoulder just sobbing the words that he loves you. I know that whatever I say won't matter much, but just think about because, I hate seeing you both hurt.” She kissed my cheek and went into the back lounge.
I looked at Shane who had a stupid smirk on his face. He knew what I was thinking that I believed every word that Audrey said, and all I wanted to do was go wrap Brendon in my arms. I couldn't though, I needed to be strong. Brendon needed to prove that he loved me, and that was going to be hard.
A/N: I apologize for the wait, but I get the worse writers block on this. I wanted it longer then the last chapter I posted, it's a little bit longer, but I hope you like it. Also, there are only two chapters left. I figured out the ending as I was writing it. And I also have my vampire story I started that I will be posting next.
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