dance class and other stuff
Weeell... had dance class last night. Did NOT go as well as it normally did. For starters I had started feeling a bit depressed during my workout a few hours before and I guess the feeling hadn't completely gone away. My mind was just NOT on the class, and I kept screwing up the dance steps, and probably annoying the girls I was dancing with (although thankfully, if I did, they hid it well.) It was a bit depressing in other ways too... among other things, although there were a few of the girls there that would switch partners, I couldn't help but get the feeling that OUTSIDE of class, everyone had their own "partner".
Except me, of course.
(sighs)
I don't know, they say working out is good for depression, but sometimes I get depressed while I'm trying to work out. Look at all the nice looking, in shape people, can't help but think I'll never get that way, and all the lovely looking girls, none of them would ever give me a chance...
I don't know.. just get so tired of feeling alone and friendless all the time. Somedays I really wonder what I keep going for. What is it other than just existence for the sake of existing that keeps me alive.
Okay, a pause, take a breath, try to focus on something else.
The latter half of the dance class went okay, I guess, my mind starting to clear and I managed to get some of the steps down. At the end of each class session the teachers "review" all the steps that we've done so far, and this one fellow taped most of it with a digital camcorder. I asked him if he could send me the tape as an .avi file or something, and he said he would.
Ah, as I was writing that a fellow I know came by and talked to me for a bit. He's name's Hiroshi, I meet with back at John A Logan. He's originally from Japan, so that's always neat to talk to him for a bit. I must admit, I get a little uncomfortable at times when we're talking and I'm not fully sure I understand what he's saying (his english isn't bad, but sometimes a few words are spliced around and whatnot.) I mean, it's just that, sometimes I'm nervous about saying the wrong thing in front of people who speak perfect english, (as I've pissed off a couple of people in the past without meaning to), so you throw a language barrier and it just adds more to the "things that can go wrong" angle.
I really I wish I could speak perfect Japanese with him, I get the feeling there's a lot of neat stuff we could learn from each other, but I just have to muddle on through as well as I can. Still, we've had a lot of interesting conversations, I've watched a lot of japanese horror movies, many of which he's seen, so that's pretty cool. We've also traded cool links and whatnot.
Oh, mental note: I need to write him an email. Got his email at home, but I haven't written in awhile, think in many ways that might be a bit of a better way to communicate. His last email wasn't too bad, a few words misspelled, but hey, even I do that on occasion. I've warned him that if he's reading my mail and sometime I wrote doesn't make a lot of sense, odds our then I was typing too fast and (once again) either left a word out, or put in a word that doesn't go there.
Dunno why that happens, it's really weird. I mean, leaving out a word is on things, but sometimes I find I've typed certain words twice, or just threw in something that seems to belong in a completely different paragraph, like some one suffered from writing schizophrenia. I guess my hands can't always keep up with my mind.
Let's see... my nephew (older brother's son) is having a birthday next week. (Did I mention I've got six nieces and nephews?) Anyway, I dont' think I'll be able to make it, I have to work till ten and it's like a three or so hour drive to Arkansas... Course, then again, maybe I could make it, will have to find out what time they want to leave and whatnot. I think Tammy (my older sister) and her kids will be there, so would be nice to see them again.
Except me, of course.
(sighs)
I don't know, they say working out is good for depression, but sometimes I get depressed while I'm trying to work out. Look at all the nice looking, in shape people, can't help but think I'll never get that way, and all the lovely looking girls, none of them would ever give me a chance...
I don't know.. just get so tired of feeling alone and friendless all the time. Somedays I really wonder what I keep going for. What is it other than just existence for the sake of existing that keeps me alive.
Okay, a pause, take a breath, try to focus on something else.
The latter half of the dance class went okay, I guess, my mind starting to clear and I managed to get some of the steps down. At the end of each class session the teachers "review" all the steps that we've done so far, and this one fellow taped most of it with a digital camcorder. I asked him if he could send me the tape as an .avi file or something, and he said he would.
Ah, as I was writing that a fellow I know came by and talked to me for a bit. He's name's Hiroshi, I meet with back at John A Logan. He's originally from Japan, so that's always neat to talk to him for a bit. I must admit, I get a little uncomfortable at times when we're talking and I'm not fully sure I understand what he's saying (his english isn't bad, but sometimes a few words are spliced around and whatnot.) I mean, it's just that, sometimes I'm nervous about saying the wrong thing in front of people who speak perfect english, (as I've pissed off a couple of people in the past without meaning to), so you throw a language barrier and it just adds more to the "things that can go wrong" angle.
I really I wish I could speak perfect Japanese with him, I get the feeling there's a lot of neat stuff we could learn from each other, but I just have to muddle on through as well as I can. Still, we've had a lot of interesting conversations, I've watched a lot of japanese horror movies, many of which he's seen, so that's pretty cool. We've also traded cool links and whatnot.
Oh, mental note: I need to write him an email. Got his email at home, but I haven't written in awhile, think in many ways that might be a bit of a better way to communicate. His last email wasn't too bad, a few words misspelled, but hey, even I do that on occasion. I've warned him that if he's reading my mail and sometime I wrote doesn't make a lot of sense, odds our then I was typing too fast and (once again) either left a word out, or put in a word that doesn't go there.
Dunno why that happens, it's really weird. I mean, leaving out a word is on things, but sometimes I find I've typed certain words twice, or just threw in something that seems to belong in a completely different paragraph, like some one suffered from writing schizophrenia. I guess my hands can't always keep up with my mind.
Let's see... my nephew (older brother's son) is having a birthday next week. (Did I mention I've got six nieces and nephews?) Anyway, I dont' think I'll be able to make it, I have to work till ten and it's like a three or so hour drive to Arkansas... Course, then again, maybe I could make it, will have to find out what time they want to leave and whatnot. I think Tammy (my older sister) and her kids will be there, so would be nice to see them again.