hmm... starting to worry a bit...
Okay, here's something I haven't really deleved into yet, figure now is a good of time as any...
I suffer from severe depression. I'm come to realize I've suffered from it all my life, even back when I was a little child. The "bouts" usually go from mild to bad to worse in the space hours (sometimes minutes.)
However, the last week and a half or so, for some reason it seems to have mostly lifted. I'm not really sure why, the only x-factor I can think of is the start of the new year and the nose spray I'd been taking to help with my sleep. I had taken it before months back, but had quit cause I wasn't sure it was really help (plus I kept misplacing the sample bottles I had). That may sound silly, but keep in mind I was taking other meds at the time to help me sleep as well, I guess I didn't realize the connection.
Anyway, started taking them again the past week or so, and I've notice a bit of a change. For starters, I haven't been depressed of late. I mean, I've had moments where I wasn't too happy, but none of the "soul-crushing, no hope in site, suicide as Plan D type depression." Plus, I dind't have the "completely drained" feeling that I had before. Don't get me wrong, I still feel tired a lot, yawning sometimes in classes and whatnot, but I guess I feel drowsy rather than drained (if that makes sense.)
Course, of late, with this cold I have, I'm feeling stuffy and tired, but that's beside the point.
Here's what I'm worried about, yesterday, I started to get depressed again. It didn't get too bad, but I felt it pulling at me, and began to worry that, to quote Lord of Rings, it was the "...deep breath before the plunge." If you've never dealt with severe depression, I don't really know how to describe it to you...
So, I'm scared, I guess... scared that the feelings of normalcy I've had were just a temporary break and whatever brain chemistry that caused it is going to reverse itself and I'm going go back to square one.
Left a message with my psychologist, told her I wanted to meet with her, asked her to call me back. Our last two appointments had to be cancelled, which kind of sucks... hopefully she'll call back soon.
I don't know, I did notice I'd forgotten to take my pills the evening before and the morning of my "slide", so maybe that was it. Even though the pills themselves hadn't seem to be doing much the past month, maybe they're still needed in conjectuntion with whatever has been helping me so far.
Took the meds this yesterday evening and this morning... feeling, I don't know.. tired, a bit dizzy, and yeah, a little depressed. Course, been thinking a lot of about certain things and the uncertainty of where I want to go with my life, so that's never helpfull.
I don't know, hopefully this is just a minor bump...
I suffer from severe depression. I'm come to realize I've suffered from it all my life, even back when I was a little child. The "bouts" usually go from mild to bad to worse in the space hours (sometimes minutes.)
However, the last week and a half or so, for some reason it seems to have mostly lifted. I'm not really sure why, the only x-factor I can think of is the start of the new year and the nose spray I'd been taking to help with my sleep. I had taken it before months back, but had quit cause I wasn't sure it was really help (plus I kept misplacing the sample bottles I had). That may sound silly, but keep in mind I was taking other meds at the time to help me sleep as well, I guess I didn't realize the connection.
Anyway, started taking them again the past week or so, and I've notice a bit of a change. For starters, I haven't been depressed of late. I mean, I've had moments where I wasn't too happy, but none of the "soul-crushing, no hope in site, suicide as Plan D type depression." Plus, I dind't have the "completely drained" feeling that I had before. Don't get me wrong, I still feel tired a lot, yawning sometimes in classes and whatnot, but I guess I feel drowsy rather than drained (if that makes sense.)
Course, of late, with this cold I have, I'm feeling stuffy and tired, but that's beside the point.
Here's what I'm worried about, yesterday, I started to get depressed again. It didn't get too bad, but I felt it pulling at me, and began to worry that, to quote Lord of Rings, it was the "...deep breath before the plunge." If you've never dealt with severe depression, I don't really know how to describe it to you...
So, I'm scared, I guess... scared that the feelings of normalcy I've had were just a temporary break and whatever brain chemistry that caused it is going to reverse itself and I'm going go back to square one.
Left a message with my psychologist, told her I wanted to meet with her, asked her to call me back. Our last two appointments had to be cancelled, which kind of sucks... hopefully she'll call back soon.
I don't know, I did notice I'd forgotten to take my pills the evening before and the morning of my "slide", so maybe that was it. Even though the pills themselves hadn't seem to be doing much the past month, maybe they're still needed in conjectuntion with whatever has been helping me so far.
Took the meds this yesterday evening and this morning... feeling, I don't know.. tired, a bit dizzy, and yeah, a little depressed. Course, been thinking a lot of about certain things and the uncertainty of where I want to go with my life, so that's never helpfull.
I don't know, hopefully this is just a minor bump...