Various things...
In the "Isn't That Stupid Department" a lot of people are bitching and moaning because, due to an accident, one of Saddam's former top aids was beheaded when they hanged him. Hmm.. funny, I thought the point of hanging someone was to kill them, well, with a severed head, same goal is accomplished.
But anyhoo...
College starts tomorrow... dunno, I've got three classes this semester (was supposed to have 12, but, as regular readers know, I didn't get the internship I thought I would.) Two fo the classes sound pretty good, but the third was got me a bit worried... it's an IST class, and I'm told the teacher, while good, gives out tests that are impossible to make an A on. I also heard he likes to ask students for advice on his teaching styles and then promptly does his own thing anyway.
Ah well, I don't mean to sound lazy, but if I get through the course with a C, I'll be happy. This whole experience has been a bit disappointing to me.. the degree wasn't what I thought it was, but it's been too late to really turn back on it now. Wish I'd gotten a little bit better advice when I transferred, but I guess since I was a transfer student with a two year degree already, the figure I knew what I was doing.
Dunno, maybe I can come back later and take some more courses that I'm interested in. Or maybe I'll just move and go to another college that teaches things I want to learn that this college doesn't.
I guess my biggest concern my parents were kinda hoping that I'd graduate this semester, and be able to get a decent and finally move out of the house. Believe me, that's what I want to do as well, but I really don't know even with my degree how good my chances are.
As I've said so many times before, I just wish I knew what the hell i wanted to do with my life. If I had an overarching goal or plan, it'd give me something to shoot for, something to focus on, but I dunno.. it's hard to think about the future. Hard for me sometimes to even imagine getting through the week, much less the remaining years of my life.
God, when I was kid I used to know exactly what I wanted to be and do when I grew up. I wanted to make movies, write stories, stuff like that. I wanted to the next Stephen Speilberg and Stephen King combinded. Had all these crazy ideas for films and stories and stuff, so many I couldn't contain them all. They didn't make a hell of lot of sense, lacked a bit of logic and plot development, but still, they were something.
Then I went another phase where I had a different ambition, still wanted to do creative stuff, but for a different cause. But I don't want to get into details on that right now...
So, I've kind of drifted a bit... dreams put on hold for the overriding need to take care of the basic necessity's of life, and try to hold onto my sanity and keep the demons of depression at bay.
And now?
I dunno.. still want to do something creative.. not sure what. Still have some ideas... most of them take the form of animated videos or screenplays in my mind. I wish I had the talents to use drawing or computer animation to bring them to life myself, but, I can't draw worth a damn, and don't know enough on animation to do much.
And the rest of ideas well... lot of them don't go anywhere...
Like I said, not sure what the problem is that area (writing, I mean)... am I just lazy? Uninspired? Or do just need to sit and keep typing until something, anything comes out? I've been told (when I've actually managed to finish something) that I have a talent for writing, but, why I wonder, was I given talent in one fo the most tedious, and hard to ventures on this planet?
Man, that's sound pretty ungrateful, huh? To curse, God, the universe, fate, or whatever for gifts I (suppose) I've ben given.
Just, I don't know.. just wish I knew where I wanted to go with my life.
Anyway, going to TRY starting tomorrow to cut back on stuff, food-wise. Especially those high calorie snacks I end buying a lot at stores. Also going to leave early and head over to the Rec Center for a workout. Need to stop by the health center first and get myself weighed (not looking forward to that, willing to bet I've gone up a few pounds.) I don't know how long I'll able to stick to this commitment of trying to lose, or how far I can get before cheating, but, I'll see what happens.
That reminds me, tomorrow I start my new depression medication. Hopefully fourth time's the charm...