What do you want me to say?
Date: Thursday, 7 June, 2001
Time: early afternoon, just after this
Location: Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Remus Lupin, Severus Snape
Rating: I doubt more than PG for potential language
( Lie to me. -- BtVS )
Time: early afternoon, just after this
Location: Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Remus Lupin, Severus Snape
Rating: I doubt more than PG for potential language
( Lie to me. -- BtVS )
Had it been only himself he had to worry about, he would have shut himself away, pretended not to be the least bit affected by the present state of affairs, and made all sorts of self-vows never again to let anyone 'close' to him.
There was something very powerful in the sensation of being needed. Something strong, indefatigable, uplifting even though he'd always thought such a thing would be a burden - until he'd experienced it.
Remus needed him. No matter what, he could not let Remus down. Not after he'd failed so badly already. He couldn't make things worse.
"Very well. There is nothing to be gained here in any case," he agreed, soaking in the warmth of the embrace even as the sense of being needed actually made him feel stronger. Severus had never had someone to lean on in times of distress, nor to share distress with, drawing and giving strength in turn. It didn't remove the fear and anxiety over Mandy's fate, but it did make it seem somehow more endurable.
Gliding his prodigious nose along Remus', he dared a chaste kiss, scarcely a brushing of lips, before turning toward the stairs. He kept his arm around the werewolf's waist as they walked.
It wouldn't do for Remus to stumble in his post-transformation weariness.
"Regardless of what news Potter has to bear, you must try to rest. You'll not do her or any of the others any good if you're falling over in exhaustion."
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Bargaining his own health was low, but it was easier than admitting he did not think he would be able to relax at all, even with Severus beside him, and at least, if Severus was there, Remus had that warm reassurance of his lover's presence.
Thank the gods he had Severus to lean on. Remus knew he could not have faced this alone. Nor would he have wanted Severus to face this alone, not when the other man had already lost so many he held dear. Remus then felt entirely selfish as he realized this whole time he had been thinking of what he needed, what the pack needed. Shamefully, this was the first he'd thought of Severus and the deep pain the other man would feel if Harry was unable to make the Minister see reason and Mandy truly had to face execution in the morning. After Albus, Remus was afraid of what that would do to him.
"I can guess that you've slept very little," he said more gently as they reached the top of the stairs. "And you've spent most of the night doing for the rest of us. Is there anything you need, Severus? Anyway I can take care of you?"
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Of course, he possessed such a device, already, if he didn't have scruples against the Imperius Curse. Unfortunately, despite all his protests over this past year, he really was grateful not to be rotting away in Azkaban and wasn't particularly keen on going back.
"I've rested enough," he insisted. It wasn't a lie, merely a question of semantics. The truth was, despite the Metamorphmagus' accusations, he'd dozed only fitfully for most of the lingering morning. His body had finally succumbed to a deeper state of sleep after several hours of mental fretting, trying to lie still despite the restlessness of his mind so as not to disturb Remus' repose.
"My body wasn't torn asunder and reformed again twice in the past not-quite twenty-four hours. I'm fine."
By his usual definition of the word 'fine', of course. And there were potions which would help make up for what sleep he'd lacked. As long as he didn't rely on them for days on end, of course.
However, if it would get Remus to lie down and give his abused body time to recover properly, he would submit to almost anything.
Opening the door to his room, he flicked his wand to straighten and freshen the bedding which showed all the signs of fitful, fretful, restless attempts of two tall men trying to pretend to sleep for the sake of the other. At least they wouldn't be lying in stale, nervous perspiration and itchy wrinkles.
Unwilling to risk more intrusions and being caught in a state of undress, he simply climbed into the bed, tugging Remus with him to settle into what had become 'his side' of the enlarged bed.
"At least come here and lie down, even if you can't sleep."
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He could see right through Severus' attempts at reassuring him of the other man's 'fine-ness'. The mere use of the word 'fine' had become almost like a code word between the two of them over the course of their acquaintance. It was a simple thing to determine how 'not fine' the other was by equating it in direct proportion to the effort with which he attempted to convince his lover he was, indeed, 'fine'.
Of course, the problem was the same could be said of each of them.
Still, Severus was willingly climbing back into bed and pulling Remus with him. So, it seemed he was going to at least pretend to try to rest. If Severus could go through the motions to put Remus' mind at ease, Remus could do the same.
Sliding into bed alongside his lover, Remus reached for his wand to summon his journal. He took time enough to scribble a quick note to Harry; then set the book aside and nestled up beside Severus. Tired arms wrapped around the other man's waist as a tussled brown head rested against one pale shoulder.
"It will be okay," he said quietly. "It'll be okay."
He just didn't know if he was trying to reassure Severus or himself.
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