Confusion, Lost, Love, and Somewhere Between...

[m3lissa320]

I wish I could just tell you this. I wish you could come over and we could talk and in the middle of my babbling - because you know i would - you'd just kiss me, right at that crusial moment where I'm starting to wonder why I even started talking in the first place. All of it would come rushing back, like it always does. You would hold my crying

Comments

[sarah27bamf]

You are my best friend and I dont like seeing you sad. Yea,all the women I know are still harboring feelings for their first loves - I myself found an old cell phone today,I plugged it in and saw "i love you" "i love you more" "i love you more than mice love peanut butter and they actually like peanut butter better than cheese" text messages. And I mean I melted, my stomache did somersaults, i got all goosebummpy, but i didnt cry. i missed, and ive thought the "what ifs" and i obsess over the little things he says... and i dont know what i would do if i had the chance ever again...i cant say id say no. BUT i am really happy with hughie, i think we mesh well,i think we are a good match and i am happy. and the thing is, i know im happier with hughie - truely with my heart happier than i would be if i was with brandon - but i love brandon more. its a give and take. and look at holly...she said she'll never be over her first love, but shes got a rich, cute husband who adores her, she has a great family and shes really happy. things progress and people grow up adn they grow apart and they change, even if the feelings dont change.

secondly, do NOT blame yourself for the break-up. yea,u were crazy with all the commitment and the ring talk and the "now now now" but he left you out of his life...u even said when he got back from africa that things were just akward and weird and that he had changed and u had changed and all of that. its not ur fault. dont go around blaming yourself, feeling guilty, thinking "what if i did this,what if i would have done that" its pointless to think like that and to feel bad and put all the blame on u. unless u like kill a member of your significant others family, it takes two to make a relationship work, and it makes two to make a relationship fail. he didnt fight for you, and someone your with - someone who deserves you - should fight for you.

and thirdly... melissa, u know how i feel about all of this, and i know that all of what im saying is totally stearing twords what we talked about... but please... melissa may... talk to him. tell him how you feel. dont play these games. dont torture urself with these pent up emotions. if there are any what ifs... if there are any could bes...ull never know unless you tell him. and if u tell him and it works out, then u both just put urself into it, feel it, breathe it, change together, work together, FIGHT for eachother. and if not, then u know u have great friends with fantastic shoulders that are indeed water proof. and at least then ull know for sure and u can mend ur heart and move on to people that u may not love as much, or in the same way, but who will make u happier. and i know that sounds like a shitty trade off, but its not as bad as it sounds, its not bad at all. it will just let u know that u didnt waiste 5 years on nothing. but talk to him... you'll never know unless u put yourself out there.

oh.... and i love you