When in Doubt, Hit the Escape Button 3b/5
Title: When in Doubt, Hit the Escape Button
By: M14Mouse
Artist: Serenda_art
Beta: Solarbear614
Gene: SPN AU Gen
Rating: PG-13 for language and violence
Word Count: 20,200
Warning: Zombie ponies and unicorns
Summary: Sam and Dean are ordinary brothers from an ordinary planet called Earth. Until the aliens came and took them away.
It is kind of strange to see Dean and Gabriel hanging out.
They have seemed to find a common bond over tv.
It is strange to watch Dean and Gabriel watch television. They would sit there and argue with the tv and then with each other. One night, he found them arguing who was better: Edward or Jacob. It is also a very good idea not to be in the same room as them when they are watching it either.
It is almost scary.
It should be avoided at all cost.
-***********-
Dean tilted his head as he watched the alien judge yelling…chirping…whatever at two guys…girls aliens over something on the screen. Of course, he couldn’t speak whatever they are speaking.
“Dude, I don’t get it. What they were changed with?”
“I think that they were using false IDs to get into some ritzy joint.”
“How is that even possible? You said all of those dudes on the planet look the same.”
“They scan their DNA into each id card. Supposedly that is the best way to tell them apart.”
“But what happens if they lose their ids? Does this place have a replacement?”
“I think that it is death.”
“….Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Dude, that planet sucks. What is on the next channel?”
Gabriel snorted and flipped the channel.
He tilted his head and blinked.
“Dude…what the hell? Is that porn?”
Gabriel tilted his head as he examined the screen.
“Possible.”
How was that even humanly possible?
“Damn….dude, I do not want to see alien porn. Next channel!”
Click
“Dude…is that a shopping network?”
“I thought that shopping was a universal for any planet.”
“Good point. Then what is the hell are the selling?”
“That would be a nail clipper.”
He made a face.
“I don’t want to know.…next channel.”
Click
“Awesome! it is on!”
Gabriel set down the remote and laid back in his chair. He turned back to see some aliens in white coats.
“What is this?”
“This show is awesome. It is called Dr. McSexy.”
“Like all of those Grey’s Anatomy rip-offs.”
“Don’t know any Grey’s Anatomy stuff. But this…is awesome. You see Marie is sleeping with Gary…..”
-********-
Totally not his fault that Gabriel got me hooked on that shit.
At least, he understands the important of television.
Missouri on the other hand is evil.
She did something that no man or alien should ever do.
She ruined pie.
¬-**********-
“What is that?” Sam said as he pointed to the food on his plate. It looked like a thin sandwich with some type of purple liquid pouring out. Missouri’s kitchen kind of remind him of those old road side diner with the booths and counter where you can pull up a bar stool. Of course, Missouri’s walls didn’t have white paint with pictures of time past or roosters or little dogs. Those little dogs kind of freaked out Dean. But some ways, it doesn’t. Her walls were a soft yellow and blues. Strange pictures hang on the walls. He couldn’t tell if there were landscapes or abstract art. Missouri didn’t say a thing on the matter. But it was still quite pretty to look at. She always seemed to humming something under her breath while she cooked. Impala seemed to enjoy it too because often or not, the music playing in the background was the same as Missouri’s humming. Despite the strangeness of the food, it had a smell that reminded him of home.
He didn’t know if he should be thankful or not.
“Your brother has been talking about how much he missed pie, so I decided to give it a try,” Missouri said.
He could have told Missouri that she shouldn’t even bother. Dean is going to flip out when he saw this.
“No offense, Missouri but this doesn’t look like pie.”
“Well, I am not sure that I have the ingredients that he described but any good cook can tell you that sometimes, you have to work what you got.”
He continued to stare at the pie slash sandwich.
He heard the door slide open and the familiar humming of his brother from behind him. He took a seat next to him and leaned over the counter.
“Hey, Dean….Guess what, Missouri made….”
“What?”
“Pie.”
He watched his brother’s face light up like a Christmas tree.
“Where?!”
He pointed to the plate in front of him.
“There…”
His brother’s face turned from excitement to pure horror.
“What did you do to the pie?!”
-**********-
He complained all night about that damn pie.
He really wished that the Impala supplied ear plugs. It would have saved him a lot of trouble.
Of course, with Impala’s sense of humor, he might get a hundred monkeys in their room or something.
-************-
Uhh…Dean? What happened to our room?” Sam said as he stopped at the doorway.
“Dude…what are you….Shit, what happened to our room?” He said in awe.
Gone was the ugly green wallpaper and crappy carpet. Now, it looked like their room took a trip to national park. The green wallpaper got replaced with a forest like wallpaper. The crappy carpet was replaced with hard wood floors.
The only thing that told him that this was their room was the towel from this morning was still on the bed.
“Maybe, Gabriel did this,” Sam said.
“Doubt it. The guy is a trickster at heart but this….this would be too much work for him.”
“Then…who else could have done it?”
“Cas?”
Bro gave him a look.
“You are right. Missouri? That woman is evil.”
Sam started laughing at him.
“You are just upset about the pie.”
“Damn straight…she ruined pie!”
“Bobby?”
“Dude, he doesn’t go anywhere. He even sleeps in that chair.”
“Okay…then who?”
A silence fulls the air around them. Sam turned to look at him at a moment.
“Do you think that the ship could have done this?”
“Dude, we are freakin in space. Anything can happen.”
-*******-
After a talk with Bobby, we found out that the ship did change their room around.
The best one so far: Elvis themed room.
It was totally awesome.
Of course, that may have been Sam and Gabriel’s idea.
-**********-
Uhh…Dean? What happened to our room?” Sam said as he stopped at the doorway.
“Dude…what are you….Shit, what happened to our room?” He said in awe.
Gone was the ugly green wallpaper and crappy carpet. Now, it looked like their room took a trip to national park. The green wallpaper got replaced with a forest like wallpaper. The crappy carpet was replaced with hard wood floors.
The only thing that told him that this was their room was the towel from this morning was still on the bed.
“Maybe, Gabriel did this,” Sam said.
“Doubt it. The guy is a trickster at heart but this….this would be too much work for him.”
“Then…who else could have done it?”
“Cas?”
Bro gave him a look.
“You are right. Missouri? That woman is evil.”
Sam started laughing at him.
“You are just upset about the pie.”
“Damn straight…she ruined pie!”
“Bobby?”
“Dude, he doesn’t go anywhere. He even sleeps in that chair.”
“Okay…then who?”
A silence fulls the air around them. Sam turned to look at him at a moment.
“Do you think that the ship could have done this?”
“Dude, we are freakin in space. Anything can happen.”
-*******-
After a talk with Bobby, we found out that the ship did change their room around.
The best one so far: Elvis themed room.
It was totally awesome.
Of course, that may have been Sam and Gabriel’s idea.
-**********-
Sam frowned at he stared at the container.
He didn’t want to kill his brother. He just wanted to get back at him turning his teeth blue this morning.
“What are you doing, kid-o?” Gabriel said as he looked over his shoulder.
“Trying to figure out if this won’t kill Dean.”
“Nah…It is just glue.”
“Good.”
“What are you planning to do with this glue?”
“Going to get Dean back.”
“Ahh…the blue teeth deal. That was awesome.”
“Thanks for that.”
Gabriel just smiled then he turned back to the container.
“So the glue is for…?”
“Going to glue Dean’s hand to his glass.”
Gabriel laughed.
“That is awesome. Can I help?”
He smirked.
“Only if you are good.”
“Oh, I am. Just ask Missouri.”
He laughed.
-**********-
That prank was awesome.
It took Dean hours to get that glass off of his hand. He couldn’t really curse either since Missouri was there.
Of course, his suppose get back prank failed badly.
He and Gabriel got a kick out of that.
-**********-
“Okay, Cas…this is what we are going to do…” Dean said as he pulled the pail over the door. It took him forever to find a door that didn’t slide like doors at Wal-Mart. It was one of the oldest tricks in the book. It was the classic pail of ice water over the door trick. Sometimes, those are the best ones were the old ones.
“I do not see the point of this,” Cas said.
“You mean that you and your brother don’t play pranks on each other?”
“No. Gabriel said that I wouldn’t understand them. He would often play his pranks on Uriel or Zackariel. He said it is because they have no sense of humor and have a stick up their asses….His words, not mine.”
He laughed.
“Kind of figured. Sam got a stick up his ass too….sometimes. One thing that I know for sure is that he does have a sense of humor even if it is twisted. Now, Cas…you are going to get Sam and Gabriel. Tell them that you need them for something. Make sure that they come in first. Got that, Cas?”
Cas tilted his head then looked at the pail.
“I understand.”
“Don’t mess with the door. I don’t want ice water over you.”
Cas nodded then he slipped carefully out the door. He leaned against the wall and waited.
And waited….and waited some more.
Then he started to hear footsteps approaching. He rubbed his hands. God, it almost wished that he had a camera.
Then the footsteps stopped and he heard the mumbling of voices. What the hell?
He heard his name a few times. Don’t tell him that Cas spilled the beans?
Slowly, he approached the door. He didn’t want the others to see him. Not quite yet anyway.
“Dean said that you had to go first,” Cas said.
“Why?” Sam asked.
“Because that is what he said.”
“He isn’t trying to prank us, is he?”
“Yes.”
“CAS!” He shouted as he opened the door. The pail from the door landed on his head. The cold water covered in his body.
Crap.
Sam and Gabriel just blinked before they burst out laughing. Cas just tilted his head.
“I think that you defeated the purpose of your prank, Dean,” Cas said.
He just glared at Cas.
No wonder Gabriel didn’t play pranks on Cas. He would just walk right into them.
-**********-
That wasn’t funny.
Not one…bit.
He took him forever to get to their room because it was on the other side of the ship. Of course, Missouri made him clean up his mess afterward.
Totally, not fair.
Of course, that is when he had a brilliant idea. Teach the aliens how to play poker.
He really should have listened to Sam when he said that they should play something else.
¬-*********-
“Okay, it is time to teach you guys some Earth games,” Dean said as he shuffled the cards that he made out of paper he found. His “chips” were some nuts and bolts he found. Bobby said he could use them. Hey, he did what he could.
“Sam is teaching me chess, Dean.” Cas said as he took a seat next to his brother. He stared at the chips in front of him.
“That is a geeky game. What I am going to teach you is poker! That is a man game.”
Sam snorted as he took a seat next to him.
“Does this game involved j’ine? Because that would be awesome,” Gabriel ssaid as he took next to his brother.
“No…what is j’ine? Do I even want to know?” He asked.
“Gabriel just smirked.
No, he probably didn’t.
“What I can figure out is why you got to play here?” Bobby said as he tapped on the console.
“Because Missouri is kind of mad at Dean,” Sam said.
“It wasn’t my fault! I was just showing her how to make it!”
There was a collective snort among everyone even Cas.
“Son, you are lucky to be alive.”
“Dean has that type of luck,” Sam said.
“Haha…very funny guys. Okay, the game is simple. The person with the higher cards wins the hand. You put in chips if you think that you have the best hand. Pairs beat high cards. A pair of aces tops any other pairs,” He said as he put down a pair of aces and a pair of eights
“Why would these aces higher than eights?” Cas said as he stared at the cards.
“Because they just are.”
“Well, depends on the type of poker being played, sometimes, the aces are the lowest pair,” Sam added.
“Dude, stop confusing him.”
“Just saying,” Sam said he threw up his hands.
“Okay…In this game, aces are the highest cards. Then kings, then queens, then jacks…”
Cas rose his hand.
“I have a question.”
He sighed.
“What is the question?”
“Why are kings higher than queens? Some monarchies have no king or the king has very little power. In that case, the queen would be higher.”
He could hear the others trying not to laugh.
“It just how the game works!”
“Perhaps, we should play a different game, Dean.”
“No! We are going to play this game.”
“Oh, boy.”
“Shut up, Sam.”
“Okay, the next highest is three of a kinds which is three of the same number.”
“Does your system of kings still count?”
“Yes.”
Cas frowned in confusion. Oh, hell with this game.
“Okay. Scratch this…we are playing blackjack.”
“Black…jack?”
“You see, Cas. You see.”
-*********-
Hell, how in the world did Sam teach this guy how to play chess?
With flashcards?
Honestly, blackjack turned out a little bit better.
Until Bobby and Gabriel started cheating.
-*********-
“How in the hell do you keep winning?!” Dean shouted.
Bobby grumbled slightly as one of his claws pulled his chips toward his side. He has been watching Bobby and Garbiel’s winning steak. They almost seemed to switch back and fore with their winning. He, Cas, and Dean won maybe five hands between them.
“You have to cheating!”
“Me? I never cheat.” Gabriel said with a grin.
“Impala will make sure that I would play fair,” Bobby grumbled.
He didn’t doubt that but something was off. His eyes looked over the bridge. There was nothing out of place. Something was still up. There is a trick that he and Dean used to get people off balance. Maybe, it is time to pull it out. His eyes darted his brother. Dean caught his eye and nodded his head. His eyes dart to Gabriel and then Bobby.
Here goes nothing.
“Lairs! I bet that you are hiding the cards somewhere,” Dean said as he stood up.
“Now, Dean…they are winning their hands fair and square,” He said calmly.
“Hell, if this is Vegas, they would have been caught by now and throw out.”
“But they aren’t cheating.”
His eyes were focused on his brother but he did sneak a few glances at Bobby and Gabriel’s reaction. Bobby was the one that slipped. His eyes kept darting to one spot.
Gotcha.
“It is unnatural, bro! We won five hands between us! Screw this! I am going to watch crappy alien tv!” Dean said as he got up.
“Not so fast, dude. There is a camera right on Bobby’s console. Gabriel kept leaning over and peeking that is how they are winning the hands between them.”
“Good eye, kid,” Bobby grumbled.
Even if they were cheating, a bubble of pride rose up in him.
“Nice job, bro. Okay…next game that Gabriel and Bobby over there can’t cheat in,” Dean said.
“What is that?” He asked as he threw his cards to the middle of the table.
“Go Fish.”
-*********-
Go Fish….well, Cas tried and so did Dean.
It was the thought that counted.
-*******-
“I do not understand why we have to go fish,” Cas asked.
“Me either. I mean there isn’t any fish on the ship expect in the kitchen. I don’t think that I want Missouri on my ass about dead fish on the bridge,” Gabriel said.
“No…No…That isn’t how Go Fish worked. You guys ever play matching or something?” Dean said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“Nahh…Daddy made us learn about weapons, the duty to our people, and J’aka. I hated that game. Cas loved it,” Gabriel said
“J’aka?” Sam said.
Oh, dear god…he is going to get his geek on again.
“Yes, it is a game played on a board with two players. Each players get different colored stones. The board is divided into a grid. One of players has a hand full of gray rocks or chips which they shake then throw onto the table. They acted as stoppers. The point of the game is get five in a row.”
“Hmmm…I would like to play it one day.”
“Enough with the geeky talk. Okay, Go Fish…simple. You have to get rid of your cards by matching all of the cards in your hand. You do that by asking someone if they have that card you needed. If they don’t have the card, you have to a pick up the deck. Got it? Any questions?”
“Seem simple enough. Not as fun as your blackjack,” Gabriel said.
“No arguing there. Cas?”
Cas stared at the cards then at Dean.
“Yes, the game makes logic sense but I do have one question?”
“What is that?”
“I still do not understand why it is called Go Fish.”
He groaned softly as he banged his head on the table. Sam just patted his shoulder and Bobby just laughed.
-********-
War wasn’t much better either.
But the results were much more fun until Jessica walked in.
-**************-
-**********-
“Dude, stop throwing chips at me,” Sam said as he tossed a chip at his brother.
“Well, I am bored. You took all of my cards and stuck watching you two.”
He rolled his eyes and tossed another one.
“Dude, stop it.”
“You started it.”
“Well, finish it.”
A card hit Dean on the side of the head. He laughed as he turned to Gabriel who started smirking.
“I like this game so much better.”
Dean got a card and threw back at Gabriel. The card hit Gabriel in the chest.
“You wound me!”
Then Gabriel threw a handful of his chips at Dean.
“HEY!” Dean shouted then started throwing his chips at Gabriel.
“Will you two idijits stop it?!” Bobby said.
Dean and Gabriel looked at each other then threw chips at Bobby.
Bobby grumbled softly as he started throwing them right back.
At that point, it turned into a chip war. Dean and him tipped over the table. Gabriel had to hide behind Bobby’s work station. Cas didn’t really get into it but he did offer very interesting comments. Most of the time involving the words duck and cover.
But in all honesty, he never had so much fun.
Then the door slide open, Jessica appeared into view.
That is when a chip hit her right in the nose. Everything just stopped. She blinked and frowned.
“Try not to be so loud. We can hear you.”
With those words, she turned around and left.
They looked at each other and started laughing.
They didn’t stop for a very long time.
End of Part 3b
Onto Part 4