hurumph
i'm slightly frustrated.
i think maybe... if i vent. i'll feel better, i think so.
senior project.
i've failed erin. and hurt her.
haley, katelyn, luke, sarah, jessie... are leaving.
leslie.
working. money, money, money. not enough. working.
school. classes. grade obsessed.
zero friends. actually, i don't even know if i want them anymore.
dad. cancer. surgery. family bullshit.
then justin.
keeping everything. while working at most...
i just want to let go. that just seems like the best idea. to just let go. of all of it.
but i can't. and don't want to, not really.
i'm just so sick of realizing, over and over, that i'm not enough, not good enough, for anyone.
they all come to the reaization... it just takes some time....
i'm afraid...
that i'll fail.
because everyone has always told me i would.
and now it's really crunch time. and i have to really do it... if i'm not going to. fail.
but... what if i do.
what if i am friendless and i don't do good in my last semester. and i don't make enough money to leave on my own. and i can't do mom's project any justice. and i don't do mom justice.
and i fuck up.
like you keep telling me i'm going to.
and i lose. again.
it's all one big fucking game.
and your the caller.
and you say i'm out.
and so... i give up.
but... what if... the one time i say no. and i keep trying.
what if... i still lose?
there will be nothing left of me.
it gets old... hurting. and giving up. and trying again. and then not being enough.
i won't do it again. no one else is getting in.
i'm sick of all of it.
i'd rather just be alone. and content with it.
no more. no one else. ever.
i'm good. admit it. now watch again... as i let go.
no one really needs anyone.
hey. you know what?
fuck you.
i think maybe... if i vent. i'll feel better, i think so.
senior project.
i've failed erin. and hurt her.
haley, katelyn, luke, sarah, jessie... are leaving.
leslie.
working. money, money, money. not enough. working.
school. classes. grade obsessed.
zero friends. actually, i don't even know if i want them anymore.
dad. cancer. surgery. family bullshit.
then justin.
keeping everything. while working at most...
i just want to let go. that just seems like the best idea. to just let go. of all of it.
but i can't. and don't want to, not really.
i'm just so sick of realizing, over and over, that i'm not enough, not good enough, for anyone.
they all come to the reaization... it just takes some time....
i'm afraid...
that i'll fail.
because everyone has always told me i would.
and now it's really crunch time. and i have to really do it... if i'm not going to. fail.
but... what if i do.
what if i am friendless and i don't do good in my last semester. and i don't make enough money to leave on my own. and i can't do mom's project any justice. and i don't do mom justice.
and i fuck up.
like you keep telling me i'm going to.
and i lose. again.
it's all one big fucking game.
and your the caller.
and you say i'm out.
and so... i give up.
but... what if... the one time i say no. and i keep trying.
what if... i still lose?
there will be nothing left of me.
it gets old... hurting. and giving up. and trying again. and then not being enough.
i won't do it again. no one else is getting in.
i'm sick of all of it.
i'd rather just be alone. and content with it.
no more. no one else. ever.
i'm good. admit it. now watch again... as i let go.
no one really needs anyone.
hey. you know what?
fuck you.