(no subject)
i almost went to church tonight. but i'm stuck at work with a burning cheek, lip, and nose, because i was cutting poblano peppers, and i touched all those places with the juice still on my fingers. suck.
i'm only stuck because i brought the wrong set of keys, meaning, the set without the key which locks the door, and i can't leave without locking the doors. so i have to chill out until stephanie gets here from the city, or sam's, or wherever she might be.
i think when i get off i'll probably just go buy cigarettes and go to church later to catch everyone when they get out of service. i'd make some effort to catch the service itself, but the only part i really enjoy is the singing, and i think i've already missed that at this point.
church really sucks, in case you didn't know.
sometimes i'll go in the morning, and sit down and look around, and think about how lame what i'm doing is, and how spiritually boring it is, and how physically boring it is.
i like fellowship outside church walls when the words go past, "good morning, so nice to see you," and sometimes, "so, how was your week?," and on the rare occasion peope dig deep with, "do you have plans this afternoon?"
it's hard not to learn when your pastor preaches on obscure passages you've never read, like, the book of nehemiah chapter by chapter, but it's really hard to grow when your pastor is taking you on a verbal tour of ancient cities, and explaining what signifigance each gate had.
youth group isn't much better. the worship is all exciting and emotional, which sometimes i complain about, but honestly, i like. i prefer really intense communal worship, because i think it's really biblical and actually helps you grow, but it's really easy to wane content with rock concert worship, where no one can hear you sing, and no one notices you if you're in the back dancing, and no cares if you're in the front dancing, and you just don't sit in the middle, because then you'll be vulnerable to stares.
but i quite seriously don't learn or grow at all by going there. it's not that i'm beyond it, because i deal with the issues he talks about, but i completely understand the things he's saying. even if i haven't thought of them before, i completely get it, and sometimes i can even flat-out prove he's saying something dumb and wrong. it really means a lot to me to be challenged; that is, i want to think about something before i agree with it, and i want to logic through why it could be wrong. i don't want cut, dry messages that i don't have to think about, and that's all youth group is.
that and fellowship, but i explained what's wrong with fellowship a little earlier, except every so often youth fellowship expands to, "oh man, the worship leader is SO HAWT," (which he definitely is, but that's beside the point) or better yet, "so, laura is dating jason, but jason isn't over hailey yet, and hailey still likes him, so hailey isn't here, because it really pisses her off that laura would do something like to her, because they're best friends." and, granted, in our lives, there's totally a time and place for that, no matter how mundane or petty it is, because everyone has to BE mundane AND petty before they can grow out of it, and i haven't grown out of it, but i just don't like those conversations, and i especially hate them DURING worship.
also, two sundays until one of my churches is at its new building. which also sucks, to be honest. it's in the road to megachurch, it's becoming like what i imagine mars hill to be, if you will. and i'm sure mars hill is great, but it seems superficial sometimes. i still love rob bell, but i've never met rob bell.
anyway, new building, it's just decked out with the book store, and the coffee shop, and the huge children's area, and the huge sanctuary. we use lingo like, "experience," instead of service, and everything has an acronym, it seems, like teen mania, or a catchy name, like whatever else. we have horse-drawn carriages at christmas time, and big christmas trees, and sometimes we have petting zoos, and inflatable obstacle courses, and baptism bashes. pretty much, journey will suck you in if you're not careful. it'll make you busier than you were before, and you'll think you love it because it's colourful and loud and exciting.
it isn't all bad though. there are just enough bads that i don't make it a habit of going, but few enough that i make it a point to keep in touch with the people i love there.
the thing i do really love about the church is that they're devoted to mission work. and, in my opinion, they do them right, too. we build houses, and host camps; we don't run fake surveys at the mall, and do little dances and skits for old folks' homes. (not that any mission organisation i've ever gone to new zealand with did those things, i'm just giving examples, you know...)
it's nice because even though i never go, they know i love missions, so they invited me to go with them to mexico and albania this year, which are both very thrilling. i actually love that i don't go because usually you have to fill out application forms and all kinds of obligatory stuff, but i rarely do because, i mean, i get invited.
but speaking of mission trips, i'll be hitting every one of you up for money sometime within the next few months, and even if you only give me a dollar and a hug, i'll love you forever.
so, i guess i'm actually done with my little rant, and the little plug for the mission trips.
i still want to go to church even though i just tried to talk myself out of it. but instead, i'm going to go sweep the floor, and maybe start dishes if no one gets here.
i'm only stuck because i brought the wrong set of keys, meaning, the set without the key which locks the door, and i can't leave without locking the doors. so i have to chill out until stephanie gets here from the city, or sam's, or wherever she might be.
i think when i get off i'll probably just go buy cigarettes and go to church later to catch everyone when they get out of service. i'd make some effort to catch the service itself, but the only part i really enjoy is the singing, and i think i've already missed that at this point.
church really sucks, in case you didn't know.
sometimes i'll go in the morning, and sit down and look around, and think about how lame what i'm doing is, and how spiritually boring it is, and how physically boring it is.
i like fellowship outside church walls when the words go past, "good morning, so nice to see you," and sometimes, "so, how was your week?," and on the rare occasion peope dig deep with, "do you have plans this afternoon?"
it's hard not to learn when your pastor preaches on obscure passages you've never read, like, the book of nehemiah chapter by chapter, but it's really hard to grow when your pastor is taking you on a verbal tour of ancient cities, and explaining what signifigance each gate had.
youth group isn't much better. the worship is all exciting and emotional, which sometimes i complain about, but honestly, i like. i prefer really intense communal worship, because i think it's really biblical and actually helps you grow, but it's really easy to wane content with rock concert worship, where no one can hear you sing, and no one notices you if you're in the back dancing, and no cares if you're in the front dancing, and you just don't sit in the middle, because then you'll be vulnerable to stares.
but i quite seriously don't learn or grow at all by going there. it's not that i'm beyond it, because i deal with the issues he talks about, but i completely understand the things he's saying. even if i haven't thought of them before, i completely get it, and sometimes i can even flat-out prove he's saying something dumb and wrong. it really means a lot to me to be challenged; that is, i want to think about something before i agree with it, and i want to logic through why it could be wrong. i don't want cut, dry messages that i don't have to think about, and that's all youth group is.
that and fellowship, but i explained what's wrong with fellowship a little earlier, except every so often youth fellowship expands to, "oh man, the worship leader is SO HAWT," (which he definitely is, but that's beside the point) or better yet, "so, laura is dating jason, but jason isn't over hailey yet, and hailey still likes him, so hailey isn't here, because it really pisses her off that laura would do something like to her, because they're best friends." and, granted, in our lives, there's totally a time and place for that, no matter how mundane or petty it is, because everyone has to BE mundane AND petty before they can grow out of it, and i haven't grown out of it, but i just don't like those conversations, and i especially hate them DURING worship.
also, two sundays until one of my churches is at its new building. which also sucks, to be honest. it's in the road to megachurch, it's becoming like what i imagine mars hill to be, if you will. and i'm sure mars hill is great, but it seems superficial sometimes. i still love rob bell, but i've never met rob bell.
anyway, new building, it's just decked out with the book store, and the coffee shop, and the huge children's area, and the huge sanctuary. we use lingo like, "experience," instead of service, and everything has an acronym, it seems, like teen mania, or a catchy name, like whatever else. we have horse-drawn carriages at christmas time, and big christmas trees, and sometimes we have petting zoos, and inflatable obstacle courses, and baptism bashes. pretty much, journey will suck you in if you're not careful. it'll make you busier than you were before, and you'll think you love it because it's colourful and loud and exciting.
it isn't all bad though. there are just enough bads that i don't make it a habit of going, but few enough that i make it a point to keep in touch with the people i love there.
the thing i do really love about the church is that they're devoted to mission work. and, in my opinion, they do them right, too. we build houses, and host camps; we don't run fake surveys at the mall, and do little dances and skits for old folks' homes. (not that any mission organisation i've ever gone to new zealand with did those things, i'm just giving examples, you know...)
it's nice because even though i never go, they know i love missions, so they invited me to go with them to mexico and albania this year, which are both very thrilling. i actually love that i don't go because usually you have to fill out application forms and all kinds of obligatory stuff, but i rarely do because, i mean, i get invited.
but speaking of mission trips, i'll be hitting every one of you up for money sometime within the next few months, and even if you only give me a dollar and a hug, i'll love you forever.
so, i guess i'm actually done with my little rant, and the little plug for the mission trips.
i still want to go to church even though i just tried to talk myself out of it. but instead, i'm going to go sweep the floor, and maybe start dishes if no one gets here.