Ficlet: newBSG, Kara/Anders
Because, really, I'm not going to get the other 1,000 words written I need for this before, say, the show airs tonight.
"What do you want from me, Sam?"
"I want my wife back."
Kara stared at him and felt like crying. She throttled the feeling down and answered, voice husky, "She's not coming back, Sam. She's gone. I'm all that's left."
"You're wrong." Holding her gaze, he said, "I want the woman who mocked me for falling on my ass. I want the woman who would wake up at three in the morning, groggy, and try to fly her CAP. I want the woman who laughed and played pyramid. I want the woman who came back from her encounter with the farms so angry she wanted to lead a one-woman crusade against them. I want the woman who moved every fucking thing she possibly could to come back for me. I want the woman who kept her promise. I want the woman who is so afraid of dealing with her past that she believes she's a failure. I want you, Kara." He paused, "I want the woman standing in front of me wondering if she can have me locked up for insanity."
"It doesn't work like that," she replied.
"Why not?"
"I can't just go back, Sam. I can't just smile and be happy anymore."
"That's not an answer. Tell me why. Convince me that there's nothing left of Kara Thrace or Starbuck in you."
When she didn't answer, his voice changed, "Tell me that Leoben raped you, Kara. That he played house and fed you. That he gave you a child. Tell me that he didn't have to force you to say you loved him."
That was going too far. Kara saw red, the images and emotions pulled up by Sam's words coloring her world with the memory of blood sticky on her hands. "Don't. Don't you dare."
"I heard you. He made sure of that, Kara."
She swung before she thought. Angry at Sam, angrier at Leoben, but he wasn't there. The physical movement was almost a release in and of itself. Her fist smashed into his mouth, rocking his head back.
Without even blinking, he grabbed her and slammed her into the wall. "You wanna hit something, Kara? I'm sure we can find a punching bag for you. Or you could hit back at the cylons, by living your life instead of coasting along pretending nothing has happened."
Her hand ached as she stared up at him. "I don't want a punching bag, Sam."
"You know, you really were a loss to the pro circuit." He muttered, stepping back from her and reaching up to feel his lip.
The non sequitor made Kara choke on a laugh. The bubble caught in her throat and she coughed, then was surprised to find that the tears she'd been holding back were sliding down her cheeks. "Yeah..." She tipped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "You should get that looked at."
"I want an answer, Kara."
"You got it already."
Sam stared at her. "Did you ever love me, Kara, or was I just convenient?"
"Don't do this."
"No. You've had time, you've had it all your way. And I want an answer. I can't keep coming back to this, Kara. I can't keep letting you rip out my heart--"
"Then don't." Her expression was stark. "Let me go, Sam."
All the fight seemed to leave him as he stared at her. A line of blood dripped down from the cut on his lip. "All right."
Without saying another word, he walked out of the room.
Kara sagged against the wall.
"What do you want from me, Sam?"
"I want my wife back."
Kara stared at him and felt like crying. She throttled the feeling down and answered, voice husky, "She's not coming back, Sam. She's gone. I'm all that's left."
"You're wrong." Holding her gaze, he said, "I want the woman who mocked me for falling on my ass. I want the woman who would wake up at three in the morning, groggy, and try to fly her CAP. I want the woman who laughed and played pyramid. I want the woman who came back from her encounter with the farms so angry she wanted to lead a one-woman crusade against them. I want the woman who moved every fucking thing she possibly could to come back for me. I want the woman who kept her promise. I want the woman who is so afraid of dealing with her past that she believes she's a failure. I want you, Kara." He paused, "I want the woman standing in front of me wondering if she can have me locked up for insanity."
"It doesn't work like that," she replied.
"Why not?"
"I can't just go back, Sam. I can't just smile and be happy anymore."
"That's not an answer. Tell me why. Convince me that there's nothing left of Kara Thrace or Starbuck in you."
When she didn't answer, his voice changed, "Tell me that Leoben raped you, Kara. That he played house and fed you. That he gave you a child. Tell me that he didn't have to force you to say you loved him."
That was going too far. Kara saw red, the images and emotions pulled up by Sam's words coloring her world with the memory of blood sticky on her hands. "Don't. Don't you dare."
"I heard you. He made sure of that, Kara."
She swung before she thought. Angry at Sam, angrier at Leoben, but he wasn't there. The physical movement was almost a release in and of itself. Her fist smashed into his mouth, rocking his head back.
Without even blinking, he grabbed her and slammed her into the wall. "You wanna hit something, Kara? I'm sure we can find a punching bag for you. Or you could hit back at the cylons, by living your life instead of coasting along pretending nothing has happened."
Her hand ached as she stared up at him. "I don't want a punching bag, Sam."
"You know, you really were a loss to the pro circuit." He muttered, stepping back from her and reaching up to feel his lip.
The non sequitor made Kara choke on a laugh. The bubble caught in her throat and she coughed, then was surprised to find that the tears she'd been holding back were sliding down her cheeks. "Yeah..." She tipped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "You should get that looked at."
"I want an answer, Kara."
"You got it already."
Sam stared at her. "Did you ever love me, Kara, or was I just convenient?"
"Don't do this."
"No. You've had time, you've had it all your way. And I want an answer. I can't keep coming back to this, Kara. I can't keep letting you rip out my heart--"
"Then don't." Her expression was stark. "Let me go, Sam."
All the fight seemed to leave him as he stared at her. A line of blood dripped down from the cut on his lip. "All right."
Without saying another word, he walked out of the room.
Kara sagged against the wall.