"Best friends. Like...more than BFFs. We're...LLBFFs."
What? It's Tuesday again? WHERE DOES ALL THE TIME GO? And, more importantly, Rizzoli & Isles, why u so gay? You'd think an episode about sailors would, pretty much, snuff out the gay--and it totally would in any other show--but, in this case, I don't think there's anything that could kill the femslash. I AM DROWNING IN SUBMAINTEXT.
This week's episode? Case in point. Case. in. point.
First of all, this episode was so insanely gay that I'm now shitting rainbows. Good Lord.
Also, there's something we most definitely learned this week: by trying to shag everything that moves, Maura is totally trying to make Jane jealous, as well as realise her obvious-to-everyone-else crush on the ME.
Indeed, the episode jumps right in to the gay. It's fleet week and the city is full of sailors, sailors Jane is trying to fend off of Maura.
Angela: I really want to thank you for taking me to brunch. I know you have better things to do on a Sunday morning.
Maura: Don't be silly.
Wait, what? How, in any platonic sense, would Maura tag along to go to brunch with them? On a Sunday morning, of all days! Daughter-in-law much?
Soon after, Angela's car breaks down, and as they eventually find their way to a garage, things take a turn for gayer. Maura immediately comments on the "good" looks of Giovanni-the-tool, someone the Rizzoli family knows. Cue to: Jane panicking.
Giovanni: [approaching Jane] C'mon.
Jane: [quickly hiding behind Maura] This is my friend, Dr. Isles.
Maura: You can call me Maura. [Jane looking incredulous] I don't mind a little grease.
Jane: [quickly inserting herself between the two] What's, you know, a little grease between...friends.
Jane, you're not even trying to be subtle, are you?
On their way to the crime scene (yeah, everyone is just as interested in the case as I am, certainly), they bicker about Giovanni-the-tool.
Jane: Tell me what you have in common with him, all right? He's a blue-collar, Boston Italian auto mechanic.
Maura: Well, so are you. Well, except for being an auto mechanic, and we're best friends.
Jane: Yes, but I'm interesting. And, you don't want to sleep with me.
[Maura raising her eyebrows]
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.
Jane: Do you?
Maura: No!
Too late, Maura, too LATE! I have no words for the obviousness and the gayness of this scene. Holy crap. Maura is so OBVIOUSLY coming on to Jane, and apparently all this femslash is making me TYPE IN CAPS MORE THAN I HAVE EVER TYPED BEFORE.
Later on, Giovanni-the-tool turns up at the precinct, and Jane makes a complete fool of herself, thinking he's there to ask her out. Wrong! He's there for Maura.
Giovanni: I wanna take you out. Listen, you like Italian?
Maura: I love Italians. Italian. Northern Italian, Southern too, and the food!
We see what you did there, Maura. Of course she likes Italians, she's trying to get into the pants of an Italian. And, let me tell you, it's not the one standing before her in the above scene.
A sailor is arrested, Frost's father makes a completely random & pointless appearance, aaaaand we're back with the gay (i.e. Jane and Maura share a scene). Another victim, yet another world's tiniest violin scene, but this time at a hospital. Jane keeps blurting out the most corny speeches this season, what's up with that?
The most randomly hilarious scene of the week award goes to the following:
Jane: [reading a text she just received] "Homie, I need a boner." [exasperated] What?!
Maura: [taking the phone] Spelling errata. Your mother really should proof-read. It's "Honey, I need a loaner."
Yes, I laughed, almost howled, even. Also, I love it how Jane automatically hands the phone to Maura.
Then another scene in which it is absolutely force-fed to the viewers that omg, the victim saw THE TOWER. The tower with THE BLUE LIGHT. Get it? GET IT? Yeah, whatever. Give me some more gay.
Maura obviously didn't invest too much in her date with Giovanni-the-tool, because she went for take-away. Maura also has a whole lot of beer in her fridge, because Jane visits so often. There really is no other explanation.
Giovanni-the-tool is, well, a tool and wants to lick Maura's face. I am not even kidding. Maura finally gets weirded out and seeks Jane's assistance (of course). Her own plan has obviously somewhat backfired.
Jane: [obviously a little offended] Hey. Giovanni notice anything other than your cleavage?
Maura: Err, Jane? He wanted to lick my face.
Yes, the direct approach is usually the best. Make Jane defend your honour, Maura!
Maura: He keeps texting and leaving messages. He put my picture up on his Facebook page. How do I get rid of him?
Jane: Tell him the truth!
Maura: I can't. He's...he's sweet.
Jane: Well, then go have little Giovannies with him. Just make sure you can genetically alter them so they don't lick. Or...talk.
[Maura grinning]
Maura is so head over heels in love with Jane, it's ridiculous. Jane, how can you be so dumb?!
More help is needed by Maura the next day, and I wonder if this can get any gayer. Answer: Yes, it can!
Maura: [desperate] There you are! I need your help.
Jane: Well, I like your bear. [A/N: *cougheuphemismcough*] Did Giovanni win that for you at the carnival?
Maura: It's not funny. He seems to be under some impression that we are in a relationship.
Jane: Well, tell him that you were only interested in sleeping with him, and then you became uninterested when he tried to be a person and have a conversation.
Maura: He says he's waiting for special parts for your mother's car.
Jane: [blank] Okay.
Maura: Yeah. What if he means my parts? [points downwards]
The look on Jane's face really says it all. So, Jane, forever the knight in shining armour, says she has a plan to get Maura out of this mess.
Maura: [relieved] Oh, thank you. Thank you!
[Maura shoves the bear into Jane's face and makes a kissing sound]
Dude. MAURA JUST KISSED JANE. She even had her lips pursed! Sure, there's a freaky-looking stuffed animal between them, but Maura TOTALLY kissed Jane. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. And, again, Jane's face afterwards is like an open book.
So, just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any gayer, they totally do! First, Frost and Korsak are having a weird you-are-my-wife type of a conversation at the bar, it's kind of creepy. And then, then, Jane and Maura decide to use the oldest trick in the book: let's play lesbian lovers and hand out some fan!service to the viewers while we're at it.
Giovanni: Hey, you said you wanted to, um, help me under the hood. Eh?
Maura: I think that...I think that we should... [looking at Jane] We should just tell him. Don't you? [Jane frowning] Babe?
Jane: [light bulb] Yes! Yes, I do. Babe. Tell him.
Giovanni: Tell me what?
My. brain. dripping. out. of. my. ears.
Maura: Jane and I...we're, umm... Umm...
Jane: Best friends. Like...more than BFFs. We're...LLBFFs.
Maura: Exactly. We're El Biffs.
[both rolling their eyes]
Jane: Yes. We are... Life long best friends forever.
Jane: Get it?
I do, Jane! I DO!
Maura's practically beaming throughout the entire scene. Jane also whispers, "Oh, babe." after Maura asks about Angela's car, and it's almost too much for me to handle, because this is the gayest thing ever, and I don't even know what to do with myself at this moment!
Finally, Jane delivers the death blow as she actually pulls Maura back into her arms like a possessive girlfriend when Giovanni suddenly turns back to them.
I think I could weep. I don't even care that, in general, this show pretty much sucks, Jane/Maura is so canon, I CAN'T EVEN. Maura, your plan? It's working. It's most definitely working.
Well, that was the most femslashy thing I have witnessed in a while.
In other news, hglknsklcfjhjj!!! Their new La Oreja de van Gogh single! The new album will be released on September 13th, and I. can. not. wait. omg. Must see them live again, must see them live again...
Next, quite a few people on my flist were wondering whether there would be transcripts of the FemslashCon panels available at some point. Well, they've now been posted online, read away here.
Also, because apparently, I'm unable to post an entry without mentioning Criminal Minds at least once (I swear, it's like a fungus that won't go away!), here's today's: a simply fantasic AU/virtual season "trailer" for Season 7, all Emily/JJ of course.
I approve. ♥
This week's episode? Case in point. Case. in. point.
First of all, this episode was so insanely gay that I'm now shitting rainbows. Good Lord.
Also, there's something we most definitely learned this week: by trying to shag everything that moves, Maura is totally trying to make Jane jealous, as well as realise her obvious-to-everyone-else crush on the ME.
Indeed, the episode jumps right in to the gay. It's fleet week and the city is full of sailors, sailors Jane is trying to fend off of Maura.
Angela: I really want to thank you for taking me to brunch. I know you have better things to do on a Sunday morning.
Maura: Don't be silly.
Wait, what? How, in any platonic sense, would Maura tag along to go to brunch with them? On a Sunday morning, of all days! Daughter-in-law much?
Soon after, Angela's car breaks down, and as they eventually find their way to a garage, things take a turn for gayer. Maura immediately comments on the "good" looks of Giovanni-the-tool, someone the Rizzoli family knows. Cue to: Jane panicking.
Giovanni: [approaching Jane] C'mon.
Jane: [quickly hiding behind Maura] This is my friend, Dr. Isles.
Maura: You can call me Maura. [Jane looking incredulous] I don't mind a little grease.
Jane: [quickly inserting herself between the two] What's, you know, a little grease between...friends.
Jane, you're not even trying to be subtle, are you?
On their way to the crime scene (yeah, everyone is just as interested in the case as I am, certainly), they bicker about Giovanni-the-tool.
Jane: Tell me what you have in common with him, all right? He's a blue-collar, Boston Italian auto mechanic.
Maura: Well, so are you. Well, except for being an auto mechanic, and we're best friends.
Jane: Yes, but I'm interesting. And, you don't want to sleep with me.
[Maura raising her eyebrows]
HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.
Jane: Do you?
Maura: No!
Too late, Maura, too LATE! I have no words for the obviousness and the gayness of this scene. Holy crap. Maura is so OBVIOUSLY coming on to Jane, and apparently all this femslash is making me TYPE IN CAPS MORE THAN I HAVE EVER TYPED BEFORE.
Later on, Giovanni-the-tool turns up at the precinct, and Jane makes a complete fool of herself, thinking he's there to ask her out. Wrong! He's there for Maura.
Giovanni: I wanna take you out. Listen, you like Italian?
Maura: I love Italians. Italian. Northern Italian, Southern too, and the food!
We see what you did there, Maura. Of course she likes Italians, she's trying to get into the pants of an Italian. And, let me tell you, it's not the one standing before her in the above scene.
A sailor is arrested, Frost's father makes a completely random & pointless appearance, aaaaand we're back with the gay (i.e. Jane and Maura share a scene). Another victim, yet another world's tiniest violin scene, but this time at a hospital. Jane keeps blurting out the most corny speeches this season, what's up with that?
The most randomly hilarious scene of the week award goes to the following:
Jane: [reading a text she just received] "Homie, I need a boner." [exasperated] What?!
Maura: [taking the phone] Spelling errata. Your mother really should proof-read. It's "Honey, I need a loaner."
Yes, I laughed, almost howled, even. Also, I love it how Jane automatically hands the phone to Maura.
Then another scene in which it is absolutely force-fed to the viewers that omg, the victim saw THE TOWER. The tower with THE BLUE LIGHT. Get it? GET IT? Yeah, whatever. Give me some more gay.
Maura obviously didn't invest too much in her date with Giovanni-the-tool, because she went for take-away. Maura also has a whole lot of beer in her fridge, because Jane visits so often. There really is no other explanation.
Giovanni-the-tool is, well, a tool and wants to lick Maura's face. I am not even kidding. Maura finally gets weirded out and seeks Jane's assistance (of course). Her own plan has obviously somewhat backfired.
Jane: [obviously a little offended] Hey. Giovanni notice anything other than your cleavage?
Maura: Err, Jane? He wanted to lick my face.
Yes, the direct approach is usually the best. Make Jane defend your honour, Maura!
Maura: He keeps texting and leaving messages. He put my picture up on his Facebook page. How do I get rid of him?
Jane: Tell him the truth!
Maura: I can't. He's...he's sweet.
Jane: Well, then go have little Giovannies with him. Just make sure you can genetically alter them so they don't lick. Or...talk.
[Maura grinning]
Maura is so head over heels in love with Jane, it's ridiculous. Jane, how can you be so dumb?!
More help is needed by Maura the next day, and I wonder if this can get any gayer. Answer: Yes, it can!
Maura: [desperate] There you are! I need your help.
Jane: Well, I like your bear. [A/N: *cougheuphemismcough*] Did Giovanni win that for you at the carnival?
Maura: It's not funny. He seems to be under some impression that we are in a relationship.
Jane: Well, tell him that you were only interested in sleeping with him, and then you became uninterested when he tried to be a person and have a conversation.
Maura: He says he's waiting for special parts for your mother's car.
Jane: [blank] Okay.
Maura: Yeah. What if he means my parts? [points downwards]
The look on Jane's face really says it all. So, Jane, forever the knight in shining armour, says she has a plan to get Maura out of this mess.
Maura: [relieved] Oh, thank you. Thank you!
[Maura shoves the bear into Jane's face and makes a kissing sound]
Dude. MAURA JUST KISSED JANE. She even had her lips pursed! Sure, there's a freaky-looking stuffed animal between them, but Maura TOTALLY kissed Jane. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. And, again, Jane's face afterwards is like an open book.
So, just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any gayer, they totally do! First, Frost and Korsak are having a weird you-are-my-wife type of a conversation at the bar, it's kind of creepy. And then, then, Jane and Maura decide to use the oldest trick in the book: let's play lesbian lovers and hand out some fan!service to the viewers while we're at it.
Giovanni: Hey, you said you wanted to, um, help me under the hood. Eh?
Maura: I think that...I think that we should... [looking at Jane] We should just tell him. Don't you? [Jane frowning] Babe?
Jane: [light bulb] Yes! Yes, I do. Babe. Tell him.
Giovanni: Tell me what?
My. brain. dripping. out. of. my. ears.
Maura: Jane and I...we're, umm... Umm...
Jane: Best friends. Like...more than BFFs. We're...LLBFFs.
Maura: Exactly. We're El Biffs.
[both rolling their eyes]
Jane: Yes. We are... Life long best friends forever.
Jane: Get it?
I do, Jane! I DO!
Maura's practically beaming throughout the entire scene. Jane also whispers, "Oh, babe." after Maura asks about Angela's car, and it's almost too much for me to handle, because this is the gayest thing ever, and I don't even know what to do with myself at this moment!
Finally, Jane delivers the death blow as she actually pulls Maura back into her arms like a possessive girlfriend when Giovanni suddenly turns back to them.
I think I could weep. I don't even care that, in general, this show pretty much sucks, Jane/Maura is so canon, I CAN'T EVEN. Maura, your plan? It's working. It's most definitely working.
Well, that was the most femslashy thing I have witnessed in a while.
In other news, hglknsklcfjhjj!!! Their new La Oreja de van Gogh single! The new album will be released on September 13th, and I. can. not. wait. omg. Must see them live again, must see them live again...
Next, quite a few people on my flist were wondering whether there would be transcripts of the FemslashCon panels available at some point. Well, they've now been posted online, read away here.
Also, because apparently, I'm unable to post an entry without mentioning Criminal Minds at least once (I swear, it's like a fungus that won't go away!), here's today's: a simply fantasic AU/virtual season "trailer" for Season 7, all Emily/JJ of course.
Click to viewI approve. ♥