Hey there This was a very cool plot, and I like how you went into the deep with the description of the country and the political problems. To be totally honest, I think this would have been an amazing story if it weren't for a big bang - something where you could take all the time you needed for it. Because - and I'm sorry if this will upset you - the first two chapters were starting out wonderfully, and then it's like there was a tiny hole in the balloon of tension you created, and it just went "pffffffffffffffffffft".
I don't want to be mean or anything, please don't think that. I am rarely so honest with a writer, usually stick with something like "good job" if I wasn't blown away or even just don't say anything.
But there is a lot of potential in the story and in your writing, your grasp for the characters and for a place and time, and it feels like you ran out of time with this or hit a block in the end (which happens to me all the time, which is why I mostly don't post anything that's not finished.) Anyway. Keep it up, and don't be mad?
This was a very cool plot, and I like how you went into the deep with the description of the country and the political problems. To be totally honest, I think this would have been an amazing story if it weren't for a big bang - something where you could take all the time you needed for it. Because - and I'm sorry if this will upset you - the first two chapters were starting out wonderfully, and then it's like there was a tiny hole in the balloon of tension you created, and it just went "pffffffffffffffffffft".
I don't want to be mean or anything, please don't think that. I am rarely so honest with a writer, usually stick with something like "good job" if I wasn't blown away or even just don't say anything.
But there is a lot of potential in the story and in your writing, your grasp for the characters and for a place and time, and it feels like you ran out of time with this or hit a block in the end (which happens to me all the time, which is why I mostly don't post anything that's not finished.)
Anyway. Keep it up, and don't be mad?
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