Cliche Asian Action Movie Time GO!
FADE IN:
EXT. DAMAGED CITY - MONTAGE
Confused white people are given a quick history of the absurdly agonizing post-apocalyptic dystopia that has resulting from some devastating cultural event people will constantly reference and have flashbacks about but never clarify.
INT. HERO'S PLACE
Our HERO acting mild-mannered around his GIRLFRIEND and playing video games.
EXT. HERO'S PLACE
Outside, police state, racism, things being shot.
INT. HERO'S PLACE
Hero looks out window.
HERO
It is a very bleak world. Someone should do something. But not me. I have video games.
He goes back to playing video games.
EXT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
Big, retro-yet-postmodern building with lots of menacing statues and futuristic machines strewn about. Troops march out in front.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
The COUNCIL sits around, looking dignified and important. They yell at each other about what's polluting the nation. The DISGRACED COUNCILMAN stands and looks at all of them.
DISGRACED COUNCILMAN
What if it's our fault?
They immediately kick him out, and kill his family, and nearly kill him. He stumbles into the sewers.
INT. SEWERS
DISGRACED COUNCILMAN
Vengeance shall be mine! Oh, a rat...
He walks into the murky sewer dark.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
The STERN GENERAL stands up.
STERN GENERAL
Obviously, we must genetically experiment on people so that our great nation can survive!
Everyone nods. The Stern General's SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON looks thoughtful.
INT. BIG LAB
The CHIEF SCIENTIST and SCIENCE LACKEY are visited by Sadistic And Ambitious Son.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
My father demands you save our nation!
SCIENCE LACKEY
We can do it! We just need more time!
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
I asked you only five minutes ago! Your progress is pathetic!
The Sadistic And Ambitious Son kills the Science Lackey with a sword. He turns to Chief Scientist.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
Now get it done!
INT. LAB - LATER
Chief Scientist stares at lab readouts.
CHIEF SCIENTIST
No, no, no!
The Hero walks in.
HERO
How's it going?
CHIEF SCIENTIST
What are you doing here?
HERO
I needed a sandwich. This isn't the sandwich place?
Suddenly -- THE INEXPLICABLE PLOT CATALYST OCCURS. And everything goes berzerk! For no reason that will be rationally explained. Everyone gets magic powers, or turned into a zombie, or zombie magics, or something.
HERO
What --
The Hero is HIT WITH CATALYST and thrown into sewer.
INT. SEWER
The Disgraced Councilman is shoved aside by LEARNED ANTIHERO who picks up the Hero and drags him off.
INT. LAB
Chief Scientist stares as SCARRED VILLAIN WITH DYED HAIR emerges from the Catalyst. Who immediately kills Chief Scientist and finds himself henchmen (SCARY GIRL, OLDER MAN, TEMPER BOY, and CONFUSING MAN).
EXT. FORGOTTEN FORTRESS
The Scarred Villain stands around in colorful robes and a uniform.
SCARRED VILLAIN
For whatever purpose I was created, I shall avenge myself!
He uses clone robot zombies to begin destroying the city.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
They are in an uproar.
ANGRY MINISTER
We must destroy them all!
STERN GENERAL
We don't have the firepower!
SCARY COUNCILMAN
The disgraced councilman was right!
They all throw things at him.
The Sadistic And Ambitious Son suddenly KILLS HIS FATHER. And takes over the council.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
Now! Let's destroy them all!
ANGRY MINISTER
We don't have the firepower!
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
You want some of this sword?
INT. SEWER HIDEOUT
The Learned Antihero has placed the Hero in a uniform that will help control his new powers, and make him look very strange and cartoon-ish.
LEARNED ANTIHERO
Listen to me! Listen to me! The armies of the guy with the colorful hair are marching on our city, which is a metaphor for our nation! Soon they will destroy us, proving that vengeance is eternal! You must rescue humanity from it's own baser desires.
HERO
I...just wanted to play video games.
EXT. SEWER HIDEOUT -- MONTAGE
Hero learns to use his new powers. Learned Antihero has a flashback which makes no sense when his wife and children are killed by someone we don't know or see again, and his city blows up. No explanation as to where he got the scar.
INT. FORGOTTEN FORTRESS
The Henchmen stand around.
CONFUSING MAN
The time is upon us! The prophesy!
SCARRED VILLAIN
This the prophesy you wrote last week?
Hero KNOCKS DOWN THE DOOR.
HERO
I'm here to stop you! You broke my video game console!
TEMPER BOY
I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Temper Boy and Hero fight. Hero is almost killed, but then manages to defeat Temper Boy easily. At which point Scarred Villain kicks the crap out of him, and then kills Learned Antihero, and throws Hero back into the city.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
They're all totally screwed over and running around.
ANGRY MINISTER
They're kicking the shit out of us!
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
It's time to use our superweapon!
Collective gasp!
ANGRY MINISTER
Not that!
EXT. MOVING - SUPERWEAPON
The SUPERWEAPON pilots itself towards Forgotten Fortress.
EXT. FORGOTTEN FORTRESS
The Scarred Villain stares.
SCARRED VILLAIN
They've come for us!
The Scary Girl and Older Man attack the Sadistic And Ambitious Son's forces, and take out many of them before they are killed. Only Scarred Villain, who is enraged at death of Scary Girl, and Confusing Man remain.
CONFUSING MAN
We are all one.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Oh, shut up.
INT. SUPERWEAPON CONTROLS
The Sadistic And Ambitious Son stands behind the control panels. The CONTROLLER turns and looks at him.
CONTROLLER
All is well sir --
The Scarred Villain kicks off Controller's head.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Violence is not the answer! It is the plague of mankind.
He and Sadistic And Ambitious Son do battle, at which point Sadistic And Ambitious Son believes he kills him...at least twice...before Scarred Villain gets up.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
I know you...I killed your family when I was in the military!
SCARRED VILLAIN
Really? The Plot Catalyst destroyed my memories, except for flashbacks...ah, fuck it!
He easily and quickly crushes the Sadistic And Ambitious Son's head in his bare hands.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Confusing Man! Pilot this thing back around! Let's kill all the humans.
He turns around to see Hero snapping Confusing Man's neck.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Oh, come on! He wasn't even powerful, just retarded and weird.
HERO
Oh. Well. Let us fight!
EXT - MOVING - BIG APOCALYPTIC SHOWDOWN
Scarred Villain and Hero face off! They do battle in very impressive ways for quite awhile before finally Hero manages to toss Scarred Villain into the reactor.
SCARRED VILLAIN
-- dammit! --
INT. SUPERWEAPON
Hero stares at the controls.
HERO
I must crash this thing and martyr myself to save my beloved nation, even if it is a shithole.
(looks teary-eyed at the heavens)
But I'll always love...my video games.
EXT. SUPERWEAPON
It crashes and explodes right outside the city.
EXT. DAMAGED CITY - FINAL MONTAGE
The Hero's does a dramatic voice-over about how he managed to change the politics in the city while we see people planting flowers, petting puppies, and turning guns into bread.
ROLL CREDITS
(over credits, play synthpop with twelve-year-old girl vocals with both Japanese and English lyrics mixed in)
INT. SEWERS
DISGRACED COUNCILMAN
Hey! Wasn't I supposed to do something?
THE END
EXT. DAMAGED CITY - MONTAGE
Confused white people are given a quick history of the absurdly agonizing post-apocalyptic dystopia that has resulting from some devastating cultural event people will constantly reference and have flashbacks about but never clarify.
INT. HERO'S PLACE
Our HERO acting mild-mannered around his GIRLFRIEND and playing video games.
EXT. HERO'S PLACE
Outside, police state, racism, things being shot.
INT. HERO'S PLACE
Hero looks out window.
HERO
It is a very bleak world. Someone should do something. But not me. I have video games.
He goes back to playing video games.
EXT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
Big, retro-yet-postmodern building with lots of menacing statues and futuristic machines strewn about. Troops march out in front.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
The COUNCIL sits around, looking dignified and important. They yell at each other about what's polluting the nation. The DISGRACED COUNCILMAN stands and looks at all of them.
DISGRACED COUNCILMAN
What if it's our fault?
They immediately kick him out, and kill his family, and nearly kill him. He stumbles into the sewers.
INT. SEWERS
DISGRACED COUNCILMAN
Vengeance shall be mine! Oh, a rat...
He walks into the murky sewer dark.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
The STERN GENERAL stands up.
STERN GENERAL
Obviously, we must genetically experiment on people so that our great nation can survive!
Everyone nods. The Stern General's SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON looks thoughtful.
INT. BIG LAB
The CHIEF SCIENTIST and SCIENCE LACKEY are visited by Sadistic And Ambitious Son.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
My father demands you save our nation!
SCIENCE LACKEY
We can do it! We just need more time!
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
I asked you only five minutes ago! Your progress is pathetic!
The Sadistic And Ambitious Son kills the Science Lackey with a sword. He turns to Chief Scientist.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
Now get it done!
INT. LAB - LATER
Chief Scientist stares at lab readouts.
CHIEF SCIENTIST
No, no, no!
The Hero walks in.
HERO
How's it going?
CHIEF SCIENTIST
What are you doing here?
HERO
I needed a sandwich. This isn't the sandwich place?
Suddenly -- THE INEXPLICABLE PLOT CATALYST OCCURS. And everything goes berzerk! For no reason that will be rationally explained. Everyone gets magic powers, or turned into a zombie, or zombie magics, or something.
HERO
What --
The Hero is HIT WITH CATALYST and thrown into sewer.
INT. SEWER
The Disgraced Councilman is shoved aside by LEARNED ANTIHERO who picks up the Hero and drags him off.
INT. LAB
Chief Scientist stares as SCARRED VILLAIN WITH DYED HAIR emerges from the Catalyst. Who immediately kills Chief Scientist and finds himself henchmen (SCARY GIRL, OLDER MAN, TEMPER BOY, and CONFUSING MAN).
EXT. FORGOTTEN FORTRESS
The Scarred Villain stands around in colorful robes and a uniform.
SCARRED VILLAIN
For whatever purpose I was created, I shall avenge myself!
He uses clone robot zombies to begin destroying the city.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
They are in an uproar.
ANGRY MINISTER
We must destroy them all!
STERN GENERAL
We don't have the firepower!
SCARY COUNCILMAN
The disgraced councilman was right!
They all throw things at him.
The Sadistic And Ambitious Son suddenly KILLS HIS FATHER. And takes over the council.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
Now! Let's destroy them all!
ANGRY MINISTER
We don't have the firepower!
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
You want some of this sword?
INT. SEWER HIDEOUT
The Learned Antihero has placed the Hero in a uniform that will help control his new powers, and make him look very strange and cartoon-ish.
LEARNED ANTIHERO
Listen to me! Listen to me! The armies of the guy with the colorful hair are marching on our city, which is a metaphor for our nation! Soon they will destroy us, proving that vengeance is eternal! You must rescue humanity from it's own baser desires.
HERO
I...just wanted to play video games.
EXT. SEWER HIDEOUT -- MONTAGE
Hero learns to use his new powers. Learned Antihero has a flashback which makes no sense when his wife and children are killed by someone we don't know or see again, and his city blows up. No explanation as to where he got the scar.
INT. FORGOTTEN FORTRESS
The Henchmen stand around.
CONFUSING MAN
The time is upon us! The prophesy!
SCARRED VILLAIN
This the prophesy you wrote last week?
Hero KNOCKS DOWN THE DOOR.
HERO
I'm here to stop you! You broke my video game console!
TEMPER BOY
I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Temper Boy and Hero fight. Hero is almost killed, but then manages to defeat Temper Boy easily. At which point Scarred Villain kicks the crap out of him, and then kills Learned Antihero, and throws Hero back into the city.
INT. MINISTRY OF COUNCIL
They're all totally screwed over and running around.
ANGRY MINISTER
They're kicking the shit out of us!
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
It's time to use our superweapon!
Collective gasp!
ANGRY MINISTER
Not that!
EXT. MOVING - SUPERWEAPON
The SUPERWEAPON pilots itself towards Forgotten Fortress.
EXT. FORGOTTEN FORTRESS
The Scarred Villain stares.
SCARRED VILLAIN
They've come for us!
The Scary Girl and Older Man attack the Sadistic And Ambitious Son's forces, and take out many of them before they are killed. Only Scarred Villain, who is enraged at death of Scary Girl, and Confusing Man remain.
CONFUSING MAN
We are all one.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Oh, shut up.
INT. SUPERWEAPON CONTROLS
The Sadistic And Ambitious Son stands behind the control panels. The CONTROLLER turns and looks at him.
CONTROLLER
All is well sir --
The Scarred Villain kicks off Controller's head.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Violence is not the answer! It is the plague of mankind.
He and Sadistic And Ambitious Son do battle, at which point Sadistic And Ambitious Son believes he kills him...at least twice...before Scarred Villain gets up.
SADISTIC AND AMBITIOUS SON
I know you...I killed your family when I was in the military!
SCARRED VILLAIN
Really? The Plot Catalyst destroyed my memories, except for flashbacks...ah, fuck it!
He easily and quickly crushes the Sadistic And Ambitious Son's head in his bare hands.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Confusing Man! Pilot this thing back around! Let's kill all the humans.
He turns around to see Hero snapping Confusing Man's neck.
SCARRED VILLAIN
Oh, come on! He wasn't even powerful, just retarded and weird.
HERO
Oh. Well. Let us fight!
EXT - MOVING - BIG APOCALYPTIC SHOWDOWN
Scarred Villain and Hero face off! They do battle in very impressive ways for quite awhile before finally Hero manages to toss Scarred Villain into the reactor.
SCARRED VILLAIN
-- dammit! --
INT. SUPERWEAPON
Hero stares at the controls.
HERO
I must crash this thing and martyr myself to save my beloved nation, even if it is a shithole.
(looks teary-eyed at the heavens)
But I'll always love...my video games.
EXT. SUPERWEAPON
It crashes and explodes right outside the city.
EXT. DAMAGED CITY - FINAL MONTAGE
The Hero's does a dramatic voice-over about how he managed to change the politics in the city while we see people planting flowers, petting puppies, and turning guns into bread.
ROLL CREDITS
(over credits, play synthpop with twelve-year-old girl vocals with both Japanese and English lyrics mixed in)
INT. SEWERS
DISGRACED COUNCILMAN
Hey! Wasn't I supposed to do something?
THE END