Imaginary Conversations #4: Across the Universe
My Mom: Why not try giving them those teething rings I got you? Even if they're not teething, they might like playing with them.
Me: Okay, I think I put them in the fridge . . . here you go, guys.
Baby Girl: Ooh, a popsicle!
Baby Boy: o_O
Baby Boy: . . .
Baby Boy: O_o
Baby Boy: . . .
Baby Boy: O_O
My Mother (in a hushed voice): He's just staring through it . . .
Baby Boy: Captain's Log. Stardate . . . UNKNOWN. It has been six months since I arrived on this strange world, which I have named the Planet of the Giant Stupid People. Although the natives are generous and friendly, I have found it impossible to communicate except in the crudest of fashions. I am nearly helpless under the extraordinary gravity, and without communications or a working interociter, my chances of contacting the Homeworld seemed nonexistent . . . UNTIL NOW.
Me: I don't think he's ever seen translucent plastic before. Although it looks like he's staring through the middle . . .
Baby Boy: The natives, who seem to regard me as a king or god, have given me a strange artifact known only as the Ring of Ti Theeng. Obviously a remnant of some previous, less stupid civilization, this device may prove to be my portal back to the stars . . . IF I can unlock its secrets.
Baby Girl: Silly, you chew on it! Like this.
Baby Boy: Noooo! First Officer, stop stealing my stargate!
Me: Hey, that wasn't very nice . . .
Baby Girl: You are a strange, sad little man, and you have my pity. And I have your popsicle.