will I ever be free... have I crossed the line?
I don't really know what to say. I haven't been writing in this... I guess everything just fell apart... and people keep pretending that it's all put back together.
I'm not moving... I don't know.. so much has happened.. yet nothing has really changed. Things always bounce from one end to the other... and sometimes I can't keep up with it all. I don't feel like recording the whole mess... so I'll just allow myself to not remember.
Robbie
Robbie.... um... I don't really know what to say about that. I do... but I won't say it. *covers her mouth*
I think right now.... everything is beautiful.. yet so ... far away. It leaves me feeling... numb... empty... yet so content.. it's an odd feeling. It's not anything new.. but I have been feeling pretty content lately. I haven't been feeling "down" or anything. For some reason.. I feel all of those emotions again. I think I have this huge wave of emotion that overtakes me.. and sometimes I don't know how to stay afloat with them. I tend to sink.. even drown. Somehow I always make my way back to shore. I never worry.. but some days it feels like this is it.. Imna be taken under forever.
I just need to do a few things... and I intend on doing them. I just need to stop thinking about them and actually do them. Why is that so difficult for me? I don't know the answer to that question... and I don't even want the answer. I just wanna do it.
I wanna type so much.. but I'm holding back.. holding back from myself. I never really do that... but maybe that is what I need to do. Maybe thinking and expressing allows me to sink more -n- more.
I don't trust my emotions... my feelings... myself. That is dangerous. I never know how I feel about things, people, situations, anything... at times I do... but I constantly question it. I don't know if I end up changing my mind.. or discovering a truth....
I'm not moving... I don't know.. so much has happened.. yet nothing has really changed. Things always bounce from one end to the other... and sometimes I can't keep up with it all. I don't feel like recording the whole mess... so I'll just allow myself to not remember.
Robbie
Robbie.... um... I don't really know what to say about that. I do... but I won't say it. *covers her mouth*
I think right now.... everything is beautiful.. yet so ... far away. It leaves me feeling... numb... empty... yet so content.. it's an odd feeling. It's not anything new.. but I have been feeling pretty content lately. I haven't been feeling "down" or anything. For some reason.. I feel all of those emotions again. I think I have this huge wave of emotion that overtakes me.. and sometimes I don't know how to stay afloat with them. I tend to sink.. even drown. Somehow I always make my way back to shore. I never worry.. but some days it feels like this is it.. Imna be taken under forever.
I just need to do a few things... and I intend on doing them. I just need to stop thinking about them and actually do them. Why is that so difficult for me? I don't know the answer to that question... and I don't even want the answer. I just wanna do it.
I wanna type so much.. but I'm holding back.. holding back from myself. I never really do that... but maybe that is what I need to do. Maybe thinking and expressing allows me to sink more -n- more.
I don't trust my emotions... my feelings... myself. That is dangerous. I never know how I feel about things, people, situations, anything... at times I do... but I constantly question it. I don't know if I end up changing my mind.. or discovering a truth....