like a killer whale trapped in a bay...
Last night I left the college after my film class. It was nearing 10 and the people were sparse. I was waiting for the heritage 20 bus to arrive and my observations got the best of me. I didn't mind. I'm actually into seeing only the tangible these days. There were these enormous compounds which are the college ,and then there was all this cement on the ground and electricity surging through. The night was kept by all the lights and everyone was going back to their places. I prepared for the long ride home out to the rez. When I get out there I will walk for 50 minutes before I reach my house. Never before in my life I have felt so displaced. Even here in this city, which is all I've ever known. I feel taken away from the land everytime I come to school. It seems to get heavier and heavier as time goes on. Even though I am changing, I still get shot dead sometimes when I realize that this is not how it was supposed to be; When I realized just how robbed and naked I am. That these education pursuits aren't even the half of what is needed of me.
I walked around, swirling with prediction and convictions, and I felt like an 'indian'. I wasn't ashamed of this;instead I honored it with recognition. The other students waiting for the bus seemed even more strange and curious to me. I wondered if they ever thought about who they were and where they came from and what that meant to them. What did they see with their momentary glances at me?
It was then that I saw them. For a second I didn't even believe it was real because it was so out of place. I thought it was a hallucination,perhaps even a vision but then I saw it was real. Coyote had lost their way and wondered into this illuminated labyrinth. They trotted along and seemed assured they were just passing through,unaware that they would be swallowed by the city if they were to continue. Some sense turned them around and they went back the way came. It was a majestic sight. Some student whistled at them as if they were a dog and made them nervous. I intuitively knelt down as it had to come near me to pass on it's way. We had this moment where we locked eyes and I said" go home, it isn't safe here for you...". Of course, I didn't say this with the use of my mouth and I watched until they disappeared into the dark. The few students who were paying attention looked at me slightly bewildered. Their caution eased up when they realized the strange being had gone. I was left thinking of them. I was thought of how I hoped they would go back and never return;that somehow they would obey their instincts and know it was only trouble. I hoped they could somehow know they had a place of belonging and that was all they would ever need. Though I was grateful in that I felt united with something right and inexplicable, I wished that I could 'go home' the way the coyote could. But all I am left with is the notion that it is not as simple as that...
I walked around, swirling with prediction and convictions, and I felt like an 'indian'. I wasn't ashamed of this;instead I honored it with recognition. The other students waiting for the bus seemed even more strange and curious to me. I wondered if they ever thought about who they were and where they came from and what that meant to them. What did they see with their momentary glances at me?
It was then that I saw them. For a second I didn't even believe it was real because it was so out of place. I thought it was a hallucination,perhaps even a vision but then I saw it was real. Coyote had lost their way and wondered into this illuminated labyrinth. They trotted along and seemed assured they were just passing through,unaware that they would be swallowed by the city if they were to continue. Some sense turned them around and they went back the way came. It was a majestic sight. Some student whistled at them as if they were a dog and made them nervous. I intuitively knelt down as it had to come near me to pass on it's way. We had this moment where we locked eyes and I said" go home, it isn't safe here for you...". Of course, I didn't say this with the use of my mouth and I watched until they disappeared into the dark. The few students who were paying attention looked at me slightly bewildered. Their caution eased up when they realized the strange being had gone. I was left thinking of them. I was thought of how I hoped they would go back and never return;that somehow they would obey their instincts and know it was only trouble. I hoped they could somehow know they had a place of belonging and that was all they would ever need. Though I was grateful in that I felt united with something right and inexplicable, I wished that I could 'go home' the way the coyote could. But all I am left with is the notion that it is not as simple as that...