It's voodoo to yoo
We have a sales rep who comes around every holiday and brings us little trinkets, like the ones you get from the Hallmark store that are totally tacky. Last Halloween, he brought in these little troll zombie figurines. They're maybe six inches tall with huge pasty-white heads -- one is supposed to be a vampire, I think, because it has these painted-on fangs and a purple cape, and one is a hunchback wearing sandals and his arm looks like it's attached to his ear. That one is mine.
The other one, inexplicably, has a tuft of plastic hair and a top hat and his face is half white, half purple and his hands are all splayed out stiff at his sides like he's dying to do jazz hands and just. can't. make. it. Even worse is if you press the button on their back they play this godawful siren-like wail, and the wailing goes on for ever, and the eyes glow all red and it only took a day before everyone got really creeped out so we hid them in our drawers.
Anyway, Cici has her ToDo basket on top of the file cabinets, but the thing is that the file cabinet itself is partially hidden behind the door, and the way Cici's desk is arranged she can't actually see through the door to look at what's in the basket. So she's always vaguely surprised when she checks it. "Oh look, work!".
And it's Lauren's job to bring in the invoices and put them in the basket, only Lauren is all sneaky and brings in HUGE piles of them at ten after five, after Cici's left for the day. So it's like the same routine every morning: Cici comes in, "Oh looks, work!".
Alright, so one day Cici was freaking out over all the invoices piling up and she told me, "Don't let Lauren in here after five! That's your job! Keep her out!" And I was all, "Lauren has like six inches and sixty pounds on me and if she wants to put a thousand invoices in the basket, I ain't gonna stop her."
So Cici yanked open her desk drawer and rooted around and then pulled out the vampire figurine, plopped it in the basket and said, "That will guard the basket!" And it was pretty funny and we were giggling about how it was gonna keep Lauren away with its, y'know, purple cape.
Okay, so the next morning we came in, and the invoices were NOT in Cici's basket. They were in her chair. And we're giggling that ooooo, Lauren was all scaaared, but then we found out that Lauren was telling people we had put a voodoo doll in the invoice basket, and that it had freaked her out, and she was scared to touch it, and y'all, she was dead serious.
Cici rang Lauren up on her extension and when she answered, pushed the little button that made the doll WOOOOWOOOOWOOO into the phone and I swear I heard Lauren scream through the phone: "VOODOO!" and she hung up on Cici.
So I mean, what else was there to do but drag the rest of them out, and line them up in front of the basket, and then we got a little punchy and found a bobblehead cat, and a pumpkin, and a sparkly elephant with half a nose, so the basket is like, surrounded by "voodoo dolls". And we're giggling and laughing and Lauren peeks her head in and says, "You tryin' to put the voodoo on me."
Okay, now remember how I said that the basket was hidden by the door? So Cici is all, "That's what you get for sneaking back here!" and Lauren won't even take a step into the room and is holding on to the doorframe until Cici is all, "oh you big baby, I took it out of there". Um.
Lauren, no joke, creeps around the corner and when she sees all the Hallmark figurines she screams and runs down the hallway. I thought I was going to fall on the floor I was laughing so hard.
Later that afternoon Becca came into the office with a pile of invoices in her hand. "Lauren sent me to give these to you. She said she's never coming in here again."
And just now, Lauren called me. "Hi, Lyra!"
"Hiii, Lauren, how are you?"
"Good. I'm just saying hi." She sounded sad. "I never see you anymore."
I laughed. "You could come back here."
"Uh-uh."
I put my mouth right up to the receiver and whispered, "The dolls are waitin' for ya."
She hung up.
The other one, inexplicably, has a tuft of plastic hair and a top hat and his face is half white, half purple and his hands are all splayed out stiff at his sides like he's dying to do jazz hands and just. can't. make. it. Even worse is if you press the button on their back they play this godawful siren-like wail, and the wailing goes on for ever, and the eyes glow all red and it only took a day before everyone got really creeped out so we hid them in our drawers.
Anyway, Cici has her ToDo basket on top of the file cabinets, but the thing is that the file cabinet itself is partially hidden behind the door, and the way Cici's desk is arranged she can't actually see through the door to look at what's in the basket. So she's always vaguely surprised when she checks it. "Oh look, work!".
And it's Lauren's job to bring in the invoices and put them in the basket, only Lauren is all sneaky and brings in HUGE piles of them at ten after five, after Cici's left for the day. So it's like the same routine every morning: Cici comes in, "Oh looks, work!".
Alright, so one day Cici was freaking out over all the invoices piling up and she told me, "Don't let Lauren in here after five! That's your job! Keep her out!" And I was all, "Lauren has like six inches and sixty pounds on me and if she wants to put a thousand invoices in the basket, I ain't gonna stop her."
So Cici yanked open her desk drawer and rooted around and then pulled out the vampire figurine, plopped it in the basket and said, "That will guard the basket!" And it was pretty funny and we were giggling about how it was gonna keep Lauren away with its, y'know, purple cape.
Okay, so the next morning we came in, and the invoices were NOT in Cici's basket. They were in her chair. And we're giggling that ooooo, Lauren was all scaaared, but then we found out that Lauren was telling people we had put a voodoo doll in the invoice basket, and that it had freaked her out, and she was scared to touch it, and y'all, she was dead serious.
Cici rang Lauren up on her extension and when she answered, pushed the little button that made the doll WOOOOWOOOOWOOO into the phone and I swear I heard Lauren scream through the phone: "VOODOO!" and she hung up on Cici.
So I mean, what else was there to do but drag the rest of them out, and line them up in front of the basket, and then we got a little punchy and found a bobblehead cat, and a pumpkin, and a sparkly elephant with half a nose, so the basket is like, surrounded by "voodoo dolls". And we're giggling and laughing and Lauren peeks her head in and says, "You tryin' to put the voodoo on me."
Okay, now remember how I said that the basket was hidden by the door? So Cici is all, "That's what you get for sneaking back here!" and Lauren won't even take a step into the room and is holding on to the doorframe until Cici is all, "oh you big baby, I took it out of there". Um.
Lauren, no joke, creeps around the corner and when she sees all the Hallmark figurines she screams and runs down the hallway. I thought I was going to fall on the floor I was laughing so hard.
Later that afternoon Becca came into the office with a pile of invoices in her hand. "Lauren sent me to give these to you. She said she's never coming in here again."
And just now, Lauren called me. "Hi, Lyra!"
"Hiii, Lauren, how are you?"
"Good. I'm just saying hi." She sounded sad. "I never see you anymore."
I laughed. "You could come back here."
"Uh-uh."
I put my mouth right up to the receiver and whispered, "The dolls are waitin' for ya."
She hung up.