Unexpected Purchases
Title: Unexpected Purchases
Fandom: Smallville
Characters: Oliver, Lois, Clark, mentions of Chloe.
Pairing: Chloe/Oliver
Rating: PG (For references to adult things)
Warnings: One little spoiler for Escape but its tiny.
Prompt: Pregnancy Test (For Green Arrow Day)
Summary: Oliver’s quick trip to the store turns uncomfortable when Lois and Clark show up.
Oliver pulled the baseball cap further down, feeling completely ridiculous. Chloe had said she’d go to the store, saying she’d be less conspicuous, but he had been adamant about coming himself. He could tell she was still freaked out by the idea; he didn’t think seeing a row full of pregnancy tests staring back at her would help the situation.
He had found her pale and curled up on the couch when he had arrived at the apartment and when he had finally convinced her to tell him what was wrong it had come out in a whisper. She had had to repeat it three times before he was convinced he was hearing her correctly. That certainly hadn’t made her any calmer. From there she had started ranting about timing and that she was nothing like Martha Kent and didn’t know how to make a pie, and something about always forgetting to feed a fish. She had gotten harder to follow the longer she had kept talking.
He had put a stop to her ranting by stepping in the path of her pacing and forced her to sit down on the couch. He did his best to calm her down, promising that they were in this together no matter what happened, baby or no baby she never had to worry about that. She had looked at him wide-eyed and asked him how he could possibly be so okay with all of it. He had told her that he was pretty sure only one of them could freak out at time about this sort of a thing and really, she was freaking out enough for the both of them. He had gotten hit for saying it but he had gotten her to smile so it was worth it. Besides it was true, one of them had to be rational and it was clear that it was not going to be Chloe at that moment.
But now he was beginning to regret his decision to come to the store himself. In Metropolis most people wouldn’t have even noticed him in the crowd, despite his well known face, but Smallville was an entirely different matter. And unfortunately a baseball cap didn’t make him look any less like himself. He kept feeling eyes on him and he had already had two employees offer to help him find whatever he was looking for.
Stepping into aisle eleven Oliver was relieved to find himself alone. He really didn’t want an audience, especially considering he didn’t know how to judge which of these things were better. And he had definitely been right; a wall full of boxes all promising to tell your future was a very intimidating sight.
He carefully looked them over finally deciding on one that promised it was the most accurate, one that promised the fastest response and the most expensive one he could find. He figured Chloe could choose which one she wanted and it never hurt to get a second or third opinion. This experience had already taught them that the 0.01% chance of a product not working properly was not something to ignore. Gathering the tests in his arm he stepped out of the aisle, pausing to figure out the quickest way to the register. He wondered how much trouble he’d get into if he just bypassed the register all together. There weren’t any detectors at the door and he could come back later and make up for the loss of three pregnancy tests.
“Ollie?”
Oh god, that was the last voice he wanted to hear right then.
“Oliver?”
Correction, that was the last voice he wanted to hear. He was so dead.
“Hey Clark, hey Lois.” He spun around, the boxes going quickly behind his back. “What are you guys doing here? Chloe said you guys were having a movie night.”
“We are. Just needed to stock up on supplies.” Clark said gesturing to the basket in his hand. “What are you doing here?”
“I…Chloe needed me to stop and get her something.” Oliver said nodding his head a little too vigorously. He hoped to hell that Clark didn’t get suspicious and use his x-ray vision. He really didn’t want to die before he even found out if he had a kid on the way.
“Uh huh. And is that something whatever you’re hiding behind your back?” Lois asked grinning at him.
“I’m not hiding it. I’m just-”
“Hiding it.” Lois smile grew even larger, “Come on Ollie, there are a lot of things you can hide from me, a certain love of the color green being one of them, but I could always tell when you were feeling guilty about something. Your face does this thing. So come on, tell me what’s behind you back. Oh god, it’s not condoms is it?”
“NO!”
Several customers looked over at them and Oliver smiled forcefully back at them. He had just wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible and get back to Chloe. Lois and Clark were not supposed to be there to screw things up.
Glancing back at the couple he saw Clark glaring at him. Apparently he didn’t believe him when he had said no. God help him if he found out why he was really there.
“Okay, so not condoms. What is it?” Lois asked.
“It’s nothing.” He told her.
“If it’s nothing than why are you hiding it?” She asked, looking smugly at him. “Look if it’s some sappy gift for Chloe, just tell me. I promise not to make fun of you. Too much anyways.”
“It’s not a sappy gift, Lois. I don’t buy sappy gifts.” He was slightly insulted by the insinuation. When he did buy gifts they were always well thought out and not in the least bit sappy. Well the spoon wasn’t all that well thought out, but he blamed Clark for that whole situation.
“Then what is it?” She asked him.
“You’re better off just telling her Oliver.” Clark told him, “She’s not going to let you leave until you do.”
He didn’t think she would let him leave after he told her either.
“Look Lois, I get your curiosity, but it’s nothing really. If you really want to know about it you can ask Chloe about it later. Much later.” He told her.
“What’s the big deal, Ollie?” She asked her eyes straying from him to the aisle he had come from. He really hoped she would skip over the pregnancy test part.
“Is that why you’re acting so weird?” She asked rolling her eyes at him, “Chloe sent you here to buy her tampons? Guys are so weird. It’s just a part of life, get over it.”
Buying tampons while slightly embarrassing would not have created such a problem for him, but hey, he’d go along with it. If the blush on Clark’s face was anything to go by than he at least wouldn’t want to see what was in his hands any time soon.
“Yep, that’s it.” Oliver said, “It’s just, you know…Kinda awkward but now you know and everything...”
“Here let me see if you got the right brand. You might not realize it but that’s important.” Lois said stepping forward.
She was much faster than he expected and before he could stop her, she had grabbed one of the boxes from his hands and the other two tumbled to the floor. He was positive that the entire store just stopped for a minute after that. No movement, no sound, just two people staring at him with wide (and slightly angry on Clark’s part) eyes.
“Oh my god!” Lois shrieked
“A pregnancy test, Oliver!” Somehow Clark’s voice was higher than Lois’.
Oliver cringed. This was not going to end well for him. “Look guys…”
“How did this happen, Oliver?” Lois asked gesturing at him with the box. “Wait, don’t answer that. Never tell me that. That is my baby cousin. Oh my god Oliver, you knocked up my baby cousin!”
“Lois, just calm down we don’t know any-”
“Oh don’t you tell me to calm down, buddy. You impregnated a family member, that gives me the right to kick your ass.”
“Hey I really don’t think ass kicking is necessary.” Oliver said, his eyes straying to Clark. Lois he could keep from hurting him, Clark was an entirely different matter, and while he was a lot quieter about the situation than Lois he could see his opinion about it written all over his very angry face. It was probably a good thing that Lois was there with him. If she wasn’t he would probably already have been thrown into the display of green beans.
“Seriously Oliver, how could this-how could you let-Ughh!” She moved closer again (she was a lot quicker than he remembered) and she hit his chest with the box.
“Ow, Lois!”
Whack.
“Lois stop-Ow!”
Whack. Whack. Whack.
“Lois stop, I haven’t paid for that yet. Clark, can you call your girlfriend off?”
“Why would I do that?” Clark asked smirking at him. He was enjoying watching it, he could tell.
Oliver really wished Chloe was here with him. She would know how to handle the two of them. With her there they probably wouldn’t have even seen the pregnancy tests. But then maybe it was better that she wasn’t. The last thing Chloe needed right now was to deal with Lois and Clark flipping out about what was happening.
“Lois…” Grabbing her gently by the shoulders he pushed her away from her mid-swing. He plucked the box out of her hand, sending her an annoyed look at he looked it over. “You dented it, Lois. Great job. How do we even know if it works right anymore?”
“Seriously, that’s all you have to say?”
“Yes, actually. I’m here because I have a freaked out girlfriend waiting for me in her apartment to bring these back. Well these two at least…” He said grabbing the other two boxes off the floor a little annoyed. “Not to talk to you.”
“Look I understand this is surprising for the two of you. And trust me I get it, no one was more surprised than me. Well, maybe Chloe. But this is between the two of us, not the four of us.” He said gesturing between them, “Okay?”
He could take whatever abuse they gave him, he didn’t particularly want to, but he would. He just didn’t want the same happening to Chloe. That he would have a problem with.
“She’s my cousin!”
“She’s my best friend!”
“I know that. Which is why I also know when you talk to Chloe about this, after the two of us have figured it out a little better, you’re not going to do this to her.” Oliver told them, “You want to hit me some more Lois, that’s fine. I’ll schedule time for it. If you want to go all big brother and lecture me about doing the right thing Clark, that’s fine too. I’ll take whatever you want to give me. But right now Chloe is scared and confused and contemplating taking on the condom company because of this. She doesn’t need the two of you sweeping in there with all of your own concerns when she’s still dealing with her own. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I don’t think it is a bad thing if these tests come out positive. We just need some time to figure it all out.”
Suddenly Oliver found himself with an arm full of Lois. “You’re a good guy Oliver.” She told him.
She pulled away and smiled up at him. “If anybody’s going to get my cousin pregnant, I’m glad it was you.”
“That’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever given me, but thanks Lois.” He said. “I hope she feels the same.”
“She does, trust me. The terror of the moment might be overshadowing that fact, but she does.” Lois said, “Now go buy those and get back to our girl. I promise I won’t say anything until she tells me. No matter how much it’s going to kill me. Clark promises too.”
Clark shot her a rather dirty look, but nodded his head in agreement. “Just go take care of Chloe.” He told him.
“I’ll do that.” He said with a small smile. By no means did he think this conversation was over, but he had a pretty possibly pregnant girlfriend to get home too.
“And you guys can have the apartment tonight. I’ll crash at Smallville’s.” She said glancing over at Clark to make sure it was okay.
“Thanks, I think that might help.” Oliver said, “I’ll see you guys later.”
He turned to leave, but Lois called him back.
“But Ollie, please don’t use the alone time to make another baby.” Lois told him, “I can’t handle anymore than just the one.”
“That’s not exactly how it works, Lois.” He said smiling at her. Besides pregnant or not, Oliver didn’t think he would be allowed that close to Chloe until she had calmed down a lot more. And he didn’t foresee that happening in just one night.
A/N: I'm aware pregnency tests and tampons aren't usually shelved in the same aisle, but consider it a plot device. This is fanfiction, liberties are allowed. XD
Fandom: Smallville
Characters: Oliver, Lois, Clark, mentions of Chloe.
Pairing: Chloe/Oliver
Rating: PG (For references to adult things)
Warnings: One little spoiler for Escape but its tiny.
Prompt: Pregnancy Test (For Green Arrow Day)
Summary: Oliver’s quick trip to the store turns uncomfortable when Lois and Clark show up.
Oliver pulled the baseball cap further down, feeling completely ridiculous. Chloe had said she’d go to the store, saying she’d be less conspicuous, but he had been adamant about coming himself. He could tell she was still freaked out by the idea; he didn’t think seeing a row full of pregnancy tests staring back at her would help the situation.
He had found her pale and curled up on the couch when he had arrived at the apartment and when he had finally convinced her to tell him what was wrong it had come out in a whisper. She had had to repeat it three times before he was convinced he was hearing her correctly. That certainly hadn’t made her any calmer. From there she had started ranting about timing and that she was nothing like Martha Kent and didn’t know how to make a pie, and something about always forgetting to feed a fish. She had gotten harder to follow the longer she had kept talking.
He had put a stop to her ranting by stepping in the path of her pacing and forced her to sit down on the couch. He did his best to calm her down, promising that they were in this together no matter what happened, baby or no baby she never had to worry about that. She had looked at him wide-eyed and asked him how he could possibly be so okay with all of it. He had told her that he was pretty sure only one of them could freak out at time about this sort of a thing and really, she was freaking out enough for the both of them. He had gotten hit for saying it but he had gotten her to smile so it was worth it. Besides it was true, one of them had to be rational and it was clear that it was not going to be Chloe at that moment.
But now he was beginning to regret his decision to come to the store himself. In Metropolis most people wouldn’t have even noticed him in the crowd, despite his well known face, but Smallville was an entirely different matter. And unfortunately a baseball cap didn’t make him look any less like himself. He kept feeling eyes on him and he had already had two employees offer to help him find whatever he was looking for.
Stepping into aisle eleven Oliver was relieved to find himself alone. He really didn’t want an audience, especially considering he didn’t know how to judge which of these things were better. And he had definitely been right; a wall full of boxes all promising to tell your future was a very intimidating sight.
He carefully looked them over finally deciding on one that promised it was the most accurate, one that promised the fastest response and the most expensive one he could find. He figured Chloe could choose which one she wanted and it never hurt to get a second or third opinion. This experience had already taught them that the 0.01% chance of a product not working properly was not something to ignore. Gathering the tests in his arm he stepped out of the aisle, pausing to figure out the quickest way to the register. He wondered how much trouble he’d get into if he just bypassed the register all together. There weren’t any detectors at the door and he could come back later and make up for the loss of three pregnancy tests.
“Ollie?”
Oh god, that was the last voice he wanted to hear right then.
“Oliver?”
Correction, that was the last voice he wanted to hear. He was so dead.
“Hey Clark, hey Lois.” He spun around, the boxes going quickly behind his back. “What are you guys doing here? Chloe said you guys were having a movie night.”
“We are. Just needed to stock up on supplies.” Clark said gesturing to the basket in his hand. “What are you doing here?”
“I…Chloe needed me to stop and get her something.” Oliver said nodding his head a little too vigorously. He hoped to hell that Clark didn’t get suspicious and use his x-ray vision. He really didn’t want to die before he even found out if he had a kid on the way.
“Uh huh. And is that something whatever you’re hiding behind your back?” Lois asked grinning at him.
“I’m not hiding it. I’m just-”
“Hiding it.” Lois smile grew even larger, “Come on Ollie, there are a lot of things you can hide from me, a certain love of the color green being one of them, but I could always tell when you were feeling guilty about something. Your face does this thing. So come on, tell me what’s behind you back. Oh god, it’s not condoms is it?”
“NO!”
Several customers looked over at them and Oliver smiled forcefully back at them. He had just wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible and get back to Chloe. Lois and Clark were not supposed to be there to screw things up.
Glancing back at the couple he saw Clark glaring at him. Apparently he didn’t believe him when he had said no. God help him if he found out why he was really there.
“Okay, so not condoms. What is it?” Lois asked.
“It’s nothing.” He told her.
“If it’s nothing than why are you hiding it?” She asked, looking smugly at him. “Look if it’s some sappy gift for Chloe, just tell me. I promise not to make fun of you. Too much anyways.”
“It’s not a sappy gift, Lois. I don’t buy sappy gifts.” He was slightly insulted by the insinuation. When he did buy gifts they were always well thought out and not in the least bit sappy. Well the spoon wasn’t all that well thought out, but he blamed Clark for that whole situation.
“Then what is it?” She asked him.
“You’re better off just telling her Oliver.” Clark told him, “She’s not going to let you leave until you do.”
He didn’t think she would let him leave after he told her either.
“Look Lois, I get your curiosity, but it’s nothing really. If you really want to know about it you can ask Chloe about it later. Much later.” He told her.
“What’s the big deal, Ollie?” She asked her eyes straying from him to the aisle he had come from. He really hoped she would skip over the pregnancy test part.
“Is that why you’re acting so weird?” She asked rolling her eyes at him, “Chloe sent you here to buy her tampons? Guys are so weird. It’s just a part of life, get over it.”
Buying tampons while slightly embarrassing would not have created such a problem for him, but hey, he’d go along with it. If the blush on Clark’s face was anything to go by than he at least wouldn’t want to see what was in his hands any time soon.
“Yep, that’s it.” Oliver said, “It’s just, you know…Kinda awkward but now you know and everything...”
“Here let me see if you got the right brand. You might not realize it but that’s important.” Lois said stepping forward.
She was much faster than he expected and before he could stop her, she had grabbed one of the boxes from his hands and the other two tumbled to the floor. He was positive that the entire store just stopped for a minute after that. No movement, no sound, just two people staring at him with wide (and slightly angry on Clark’s part) eyes.
“Oh my god!” Lois shrieked
“A pregnancy test, Oliver!” Somehow Clark’s voice was higher than Lois’.
Oliver cringed. This was not going to end well for him. “Look guys…”
“How did this happen, Oliver?” Lois asked gesturing at him with the box. “Wait, don’t answer that. Never tell me that. That is my baby cousin. Oh my god Oliver, you knocked up my baby cousin!”
“Lois, just calm down we don’t know any-”
“Oh don’t you tell me to calm down, buddy. You impregnated a family member, that gives me the right to kick your ass.”
“Hey I really don’t think ass kicking is necessary.” Oliver said, his eyes straying to Clark. Lois he could keep from hurting him, Clark was an entirely different matter, and while he was a lot quieter about the situation than Lois he could see his opinion about it written all over his very angry face. It was probably a good thing that Lois was there with him. If she wasn’t he would probably already have been thrown into the display of green beans.
“Seriously Oliver, how could this-how could you let-Ughh!” She moved closer again (she was a lot quicker than he remembered) and she hit his chest with the box.
“Ow, Lois!”
Whack.
“Lois stop-Ow!”
Whack. Whack. Whack.
“Lois stop, I haven’t paid for that yet. Clark, can you call your girlfriend off?”
“Why would I do that?” Clark asked smirking at him. He was enjoying watching it, he could tell.
Oliver really wished Chloe was here with him. She would know how to handle the two of them. With her there they probably wouldn’t have even seen the pregnancy tests. But then maybe it was better that she wasn’t. The last thing Chloe needed right now was to deal with Lois and Clark flipping out about what was happening.
“Lois…” Grabbing her gently by the shoulders he pushed her away from her mid-swing. He plucked the box out of her hand, sending her an annoyed look at he looked it over. “You dented it, Lois. Great job. How do we even know if it works right anymore?”
“Seriously, that’s all you have to say?”
“Yes, actually. I’m here because I have a freaked out girlfriend waiting for me in her apartment to bring these back. Well these two at least…” He said grabbing the other two boxes off the floor a little annoyed. “Not to talk to you.”
“Look I understand this is surprising for the two of you. And trust me I get it, no one was more surprised than me. Well, maybe Chloe. But this is between the two of us, not the four of us.” He said gesturing between them, “Okay?”
He could take whatever abuse they gave him, he didn’t particularly want to, but he would. He just didn’t want the same happening to Chloe. That he would have a problem with.
“She’s my cousin!”
“She’s my best friend!”
“I know that. Which is why I also know when you talk to Chloe about this, after the two of us have figured it out a little better, you’re not going to do this to her.” Oliver told them, “You want to hit me some more Lois, that’s fine. I’ll schedule time for it. If you want to go all big brother and lecture me about doing the right thing Clark, that’s fine too. I’ll take whatever you want to give me. But right now Chloe is scared and confused and contemplating taking on the condom company because of this. She doesn’t need the two of you sweeping in there with all of your own concerns when she’s still dealing with her own. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I don’t think it is a bad thing if these tests come out positive. We just need some time to figure it all out.”
Suddenly Oliver found himself with an arm full of Lois. “You’re a good guy Oliver.” She told him.
She pulled away and smiled up at him. “If anybody’s going to get my cousin pregnant, I’m glad it was you.”
“That’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever given me, but thanks Lois.” He said. “I hope she feels the same.”
“She does, trust me. The terror of the moment might be overshadowing that fact, but she does.” Lois said, “Now go buy those and get back to our girl. I promise I won’t say anything until she tells me. No matter how much it’s going to kill me. Clark promises too.”
Clark shot her a rather dirty look, but nodded his head in agreement. “Just go take care of Chloe.” He told him.
“I’ll do that.” He said with a small smile. By no means did he think this conversation was over, but he had a pretty possibly pregnant girlfriend to get home too.
“And you guys can have the apartment tonight. I’ll crash at Smallville’s.” She said glancing over at Clark to make sure it was okay.
“Thanks, I think that might help.” Oliver said, “I’ll see you guys later.”
He turned to leave, but Lois called him back.
“But Ollie, please don’t use the alone time to make another baby.” Lois told him, “I can’t handle anymore than just the one.”
“That’s not exactly how it works, Lois.” He said smiling at her. Besides pregnant or not, Oliver didn’t think he would be allowed that close to Chloe until she had calmed down a lot more. And he didn’t foresee that happening in just one night.
A/N: I'm aware pregnency tests and tampons aren't usually shelved in the same aisle, but consider it a plot device. This is fanfiction, liberties are allowed. XD