my brain is mush
I just finished 2 finals in a row. the first one was my religion class, the test took me from 4:40 to 7:15 and that was rushing in order to get to my next final at 7:30. I don't want to do anymore school work tonight, but I have to finish stuff up for my class tomorrow.
On the drive home I was thinking about when I talked to erica's mom at the graduation party sunday and what she said. This is going to be a life long lesson for me and she's absolutely right. I have always known it but I need to truly treat others how I want to be treated. I can't just be a dick whenever I'm tired or pissed off at something else. I need to show respect towards everyone, even if they don't like me, in karen's words 'kill them with kindness'. I also can't dwell in being sad and keep my head up and smile. I realize that this is much easier said then done. I mean on monday at work I could barely hold on and had to run to my car and let it out. sometimes it's just too overwhelming, but dammit i'm trying. I really like how karen, bagot and erica all told me individually to not give up hope, I think they see and know that this is something important to me and that I can and am changing for the better. I'm still rough around the edges I realize, but I think I've imporoved so far in the past 5 months.
I'm watching some TV right now to unwind from class and chef ramsey is on cooking and helping wives who's husbands are away at war. It reminds me of when I always bugged destinee cause she couldn't cook. next thing I know she's whipping up porkchops and greenbean casserolle. She cried once because I mentioned how my mom made something, trying to give her some advice, and she got upset cause she couldn't be like my mom with her cooking. of course I consoled her and thought her food was awesome. its not that she just cooked some food, she cooked with her heart, and I never told her how amazing I thought it was. another thing I should of done more often.
Destinee has been the only girlfriend out of my family in my house, that has been allowed to spend the night in the same bed with me. I finally got the courage to talk to my mom about it, and how much she ment to me when she came to visit and my mom actually understood. she saw then how much my heart longed for her. yet another thing i wish destinee knew about.
all in all, she goes through my head all day. I just hope I can make it through the rest of the week with finals and keep my mind semi-clear.
On the drive home I was thinking about when I talked to erica's mom at the graduation party sunday and what she said. This is going to be a life long lesson for me and she's absolutely right. I have always known it but I need to truly treat others how I want to be treated. I can't just be a dick whenever I'm tired or pissed off at something else. I need to show respect towards everyone, even if they don't like me, in karen's words 'kill them with kindness'. I also can't dwell in being sad and keep my head up and smile. I realize that this is much easier said then done. I mean on monday at work I could barely hold on and had to run to my car and let it out. sometimes it's just too overwhelming, but dammit i'm trying. I really like how karen, bagot and erica all told me individually to not give up hope, I think they see and know that this is something important to me and that I can and am changing for the better. I'm still rough around the edges I realize, but I think I've imporoved so far in the past 5 months.
I'm watching some TV right now to unwind from class and chef ramsey is on cooking and helping wives who's husbands are away at war. It reminds me of when I always bugged destinee cause she couldn't cook. next thing I know she's whipping up porkchops and greenbean casserolle. She cried once because I mentioned how my mom made something, trying to give her some advice, and she got upset cause she couldn't be like my mom with her cooking. of course I consoled her and thought her food was awesome. its not that she just cooked some food, she cooked with her heart, and I never told her how amazing I thought it was. another thing I should of done more often.
Destinee has been the only girlfriend out of my family in my house, that has been allowed to spend the night in the same bed with me. I finally got the courage to talk to my mom about it, and how much she ment to me when she came to visit and my mom actually understood. she saw then how much my heart longed for her. yet another thing i wish destinee knew about.
all in all, she goes through my head all day. I just hope I can make it through the rest of the week with finals and keep my mind semi-clear.