Boo hoo hoo. Go watch me cry, come fucking watch me cry.
I seem to be repeditive. I'm sitting here. Hurting, in so much pain. But I don't know what to do. You never get used to pain, you just get used to going thru it. I wish I would die. I wish I would drop dead. Just out of the blue. I just don't want to wake up everyday suffering. I don't want to wake up to yet again another day like all the rest. I don't think I ever feel good. Not like normal people feel good. Sometimes I just feel better. But that really means nothing. I'm tired of hiding behide a smile, when my head hurts so fucking much I wonder why I'm not dead. I wonder why I put myself thru these days saying I'll get better..one day. I'm tired of giving up my days. Having too give up things I want to do. It hurts so abd. I gave up everything I had. I'll never accomplish my dreams. I wish someone would tell me straight out, so I can finally give up the little hope I have left of reaching them. My dreams were so big. And I had everything going for them. Anyone with half of my dreams would be going somewhere. But I really think there's little hope in ever acheiveing them. Your dreams are what keep you going everyday. If you think about there why you wake up every single day, its why you keep going. But I'll never get there. And now that my dreams were so big, it doesn't seem like nothing will ever be good enough. My life will never be good enough to my high standards. I wish I was well, I wish i could do more things. I would of changed the world and saved people's lives, but I can't even do that to myself. I would have been something great. I would of, I know it. I don't think I ever will now. I'm pathetic. I'll never reach my full potetial. Fuck I can't even spell...i'm going no where. You should see the difference in me when I feel "good". It's so much better, it's amazing, you should see. It hurts so fucking bad right now. I'm tired of just laying there, in the dark, by myself. It never gets easier. I gotta throw up but can't. I want to fall to sleep but can't. I just want to feel better. But that's way too much to ask. I'm still holding out hope that one day I will feel better..one day.