Will it ever get better
Well I'm so tired. My sleepings getting worse. I mean the part of going to sleep is still the same, but that's only half the battle. Sleeping is the other battle. I'm not resting while I'm sleeping, and it effecting me so more. There's times I go to sleep but I don't know if I was asleep or awake because I'm so concious. It's hurting so much not being able to sleep...physically. My body is worn out, in pain, my whole chest and stomache, my whole body, it's falling apart. It feels like my body is breaking down, and falling apart, giving up. It hurts to eat, it hurts to swallow, it hurts to breath, every breath I take makes my body writhe in pain. It hurts to move, to get up every morning, to live. It just hurts so much. And I feel that no one understands. I don't really think anyone does. I went home early today to sleep. I couldn't stay in school and i knew it. It hurt, I couldn't see right, it was hard to get anyehere, to move ahead. It wasn't worth staying. And when I tell people they laugh. They're like "what?..ahah..wow!" I mean it makes me feel horrible, that I'm some horrible person that is incapable of anything. I always hear people caomplain in school.."Oh I'm so tired..blah blah blah." You know what..you don't know what being tired is..you don't know what exhusted feels like..you don't know how much it hurts to be that exhusted, and you don't know what it feels like to have your body dieing, and breaking apart and being able to do nothing about it, you can't stop it, you can't control it, you can't make it better, no matter how hard you try. Nighttime turns into a place or despare. A new day for some people is a nightmare for me to live thru. How can your body feel so tired and worn out, and still not shut down. At what line does your body break. I'm walking that line thin. These are the worst feelings in the world. How is it possible that you can't make yourself feel better, even though you feel so bad. I'm not able to go through everyday like this. I can't remember anything. It's horrible. And everything will drop alone with that. Somebody should kill me, so I can finally rest.