(no subject)
I went to Clark's visitation today. I didn't know how bad I really felt until I got to the telephone pole just next to the funeral home. It's like my body finally fully accepted that all of this was real. I had many shoulders to cry on though. I felt silly because I was the only one sobbing in line...I felt like I was being too loud or soemthing...everything was so peaceful. Clark's parent's, though only seeing me a few selected times long ago, recognized me right away and brought up Clark's Bday party in 9th grade. It didn't help. Clark was so old looking, so serious. It was hard to see him like that. He was always smiling, even when he slept. I wanted his eyes to open and for him to tell me that it was all a big joke. I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him what a kidder he was followed by a "let's get out of here and get something to eat." It would have been great. I wouldn't have been mad at him.
There were soo many people there from High School/Junior High/Elementary school. He was just like that. If you had the pleasure of being in his 3rd grade class with him and never seeing him again until you heard the bad news, you'd have shown up. I'm serious. He was that great.
I'm glad that I had so many people there to comfort me. It was hard seeing everyone so torn up as well. (Brandon just texted me: "I don't know if you have text but I just wanted to say that even tho it's been so long since I've see n you I felt so close to you and you're so easy to talk to ♥ ) See? That's how everyone was. So loveing and careing. I didn't realize how much I needed people until today. It hit me around noon and so I called Jayne in her dorm and made her keep me company. She didn't get to go to the visitation though :/ Seeing guys torn up was the hardest though. At first, Brad was holding me up and hugging me while I cryed but after a while, I was holding him up. That was tough. He's always been so brave in my eyes...always pulling me out of holes...I'm glad I got to be there for him finally though. It was hard seeing so many people that I havn't seen since graduation under such sad circumstances. Clark should have been throwing a party and we'd all be there and it would have been so happy.
It's so hard.
I feel better but I called Erik and everyone was laughing in the background at the meeting and he was laughing, too...I got sooo angry. I'm not ready to hear people happy and be around happy people.
I still have a lot I need to get out and I'm glad I have friends that are down here with me.
I am going to the funeral tomorrow morning.
It's going to be hard knowing that I'll never be in the same room as him again.
Sigh.
Why do people do these things?
There were soo many people there from High School/Junior High/Elementary school. He was just like that. If you had the pleasure of being in his 3rd grade class with him and never seeing him again until you heard the bad news, you'd have shown up. I'm serious. He was that great.
I'm glad that I had so many people there to comfort me. It was hard seeing everyone so torn up as well. (Brandon just texted me: "I don't know if you have text but I just wanted to say that even tho it's been so long since I've see n you I felt so close to you and you're so easy to talk to ♥ ) See? That's how everyone was. So loveing and careing. I didn't realize how much I needed people until today. It hit me around noon and so I called Jayne in her dorm and made her keep me company. She didn't get to go to the visitation though :/ Seeing guys torn up was the hardest though. At first, Brad was holding me up and hugging me while I cryed but after a while, I was holding him up. That was tough. He's always been so brave in my eyes...always pulling me out of holes...I'm glad I got to be there for him finally though. It was hard seeing so many people that I havn't seen since graduation under such sad circumstances. Clark should have been throwing a party and we'd all be there and it would have been so happy.
It's so hard.
I feel better but I called Erik and everyone was laughing in the background at the meeting and he was laughing, too...I got sooo angry. I'm not ready to hear people happy and be around happy people.
I still have a lot I need to get out and I'm glad I have friends that are down here with me.
I am going to the funeral tomorrow morning.
It's going to be hard knowing that I'll never be in the same room as him again.
Sigh.
Why do people do these things?