Fic: Good Enough (Aki/Mao) [PG-13]
Title: Good Enough
Chapters: One-shot
Author: lylark
Genre: AU, angst, drama, slight fluff and humor
Warnings: Language
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Aki/Mao (Sadie)
Synopsis: Aki's mission: to ask Mao out.
Comments: Ta-da! Another Sadie fanfic for you all. Comments are forever treasured. ♥
*For those of you who don't know, a goukon is basically a blind group date and a drinking party where guys and gals mingle. Thank you Google, for helping me explain this.
-
He couldn't believe what he was doing. And he also couldn't figure out exactly why he was doing it in the first place.
Sighing, Aki felt the intense urge to bang his head on his study desk as he threw the fourth empty can of soda across his room; it landed right into the trash can, where snack and candy wrappers welcomed the item. The sugary high he experienced only lasted for so long. He should've known better, but then again, he wasn't used to planning ahead in case of an unwanted outcome. The grip on his pencil tightened, while another piece of paper was summoned. Thousands of search results intimidated him. Websites and piles of different opinions along with advice made him slightly dizzy.
This was going to be a long night. A long, long night.
Another sigh.
He has been on the internet for three hours, more or less, taking pages upon pages of notes on a typical subject that comes to mind in an influential high school environment: dating and more importantly, how to ask that special someone out. He wasn't confident, popular, and he most certainly did not have a sense of humor (not once has he laughed at a joke and this scared him a little). He devoted much of his time on his schoolwork and his grades, so he wasn't very sociable. He didn't have any experience at all, especially since he had no interest in girls.
Oh goodness. Another bump in the already confusing road. How was he to go out with a guy if he doesn't even know if that guy was straight in the first place? Wouldn't they be disgusted and reject him automatically? Wouldn't the whole school follow suit after this incident happened? Would he have to transfer schools then?
Nah, I'm just thinking too much.
Shrugging a few of worries out the way, he clicked on a link, reading someone's experience on asking a person out. His eyes widened as he read:
"Being a homosexual, I was cautious about asking this person out, especially since I'm still a high school student. After many days of thinking, I decided to gather up the courage to do so. On that day, the day of no turning back, I finally spotted him behind the school building after searching for him like crazy. But I saw some other guy, on their knees, with the guy I like's you-know-what in his mouth. It was the worst day of my life."
It was as if the last sentence was put on repeat in his head, listening to the words over and over and over again (it was the worst day of my life, it was the worst day of my life, it was the worst day of my--) and affecting Aki significantly.
I like Mao. I like him a lot, even though we haven't talked at all. That's why I loved it when I would catch a glimpse of him in the hallway. But if he were to start hating me, I don't know what I'd do. I don't even know if I'm good enough for him. No, I'm going to confess to him and ask him out and that's final. I'm sticking with this, then.
Smiling to himself, Aki turned the device off and headed off to sleep a hopefully comfortable sleep.
-
He didn't sleep at all. And the day of no turning back has arrived.
And he was staring at Mao, who was chatting with his friends, one of them thankful that a rough school day was done and over with. They were slowly walking down the hallway, Aki making sure to follow at least ten feet apart so he didn't look all too suspicious. His hands were shaking, palms sweating, heart beating so fast that the boy questioned his own health condition. He had the knowledge in his head from the notes he took, swimming around in his brain, waiting to be used. He bit his lower lip as his hands were basically squeezing the life out of his backpack's straps.
Calm the fuck down, Aki! You can do this. You can do this, idiot! You just have to find some way to seperate Mao from his friends, so you can talk to him privately. That's not so hard, now is it?
"Oh wait. I forgot to get my textbook," Mao said, stopping in his tracks.
Aki stopped as well, taken aback by the sudden turn of events, mouth agape as he listened to several responses.
"What? Since when did you care about schoolwork?" one of his friends questioned.
"Yeah, man. Fuck school."
"Don't you want to go to that goukon* I was talking to you about?" another asked, scratching the back of his head. "Man, help me out. She'd kill me if I didn't bring enough people over. If you're worried about alcohol, you don't have to drink any. We're not stupid enough to drink some."
"Sorry, but my grades are too low for me to ignore," Mao replied cooly, waving them off. He turned around after saying a bland "go ahead without me" statement.
Breathing a relieved sigh, Aki nodded his head, reassuring himself that he could still do this. Looking up, he knew that staring straight into Mao's eyes would make his heart happy, but he didn't know that it would make his heart explode.
Fuck this shit! I can't do it after all.
He was glued to his spot, watching as the boy was heading towards his very direction. He was sure he could hear himself screaming on the inside, commanding his body to move and demanding for a few decent words to come out his dry mouth. Time was ticking away, after all.
"Um...!" Aki started, catching the other's attention fairly quickly. There wasn't any annoyance present in those eyes. For now, at least.
"What's up?"
Wow, he's talking to me. He's talking to me. He's talking to me, oh god, he's talking to--
"Never mind. Forget about it," Aki said, shutting his eyes and making a run for the double doors, out of such a close distance with the person he has liked and admired and adored all this time. Yes, he was going to give up. He was going to drop the whole situation. He didn't even know why he wanted to do this. He didn't know that the fear of being downright rejected was so powerful and so frightening. He was just another boring person who didn't have the right to go out with someone like Mao.
He just wasn't good enough. He was never good enough.
"Hey...! Wait up!"
Don't look back, don't look back, just keep running away from--
"Aki!"
His feet were now firm on the ground. He was afraid of facing Mao after showing such cowardice, so he kept his place, almost at the doors. Instead, he made the decision to blurt out all of the thoughts and feelings that have been growing inside him ever since he first saw the other. It was all or nothing. It was make or break. He decided that he didn't have anything to lose at this point.
"I don't know how you know my name and just you saying it is enough for me," Aki said, loud enough and loud enough for the other to hear. "I'm sure you don't think anything of me, but I'm going to do this anyway. Mao, I really like you. I do. It's weird of me to say this because I've never actually talked to you, but I can tell that you're a kind and gentle person who doesn't care about what anyone thinks of you. Every single time I see you walking down the hallway, you look so confident. And on that one day, when I saw you smile in your group of friends, I didn't know how happy I could be in the inside. You're the complete opposite of me. I don't deserve someone like you.You probably think it's weird that I like guys, but the truth is, I've wanted to tell you this for so long. I just want you to know how I feel and that's all right with me. It's completely okay with me."
The moisture forming in his eyes said so otherwise.
I'm such a fool.
Aki took a few steps forward and a few moments to regret what he did before quick footsteps approached him and before possessive arms were wrapped around Aki, Mao's forehead resting on the nape of the other's neck.
"Me too. I'm the same," Mao confessed, taking a deep breath in. "I'm not as smart as you and I'm definitely not as quiet as you, but that's what made me like you. I would see you somtimes, in the library, studying your ass off. I bet you didn't know that, did you?"
Aki gasped, raising a hand to cover his mouth, tears gliding down his face. He shook his head, signaling Mao to continue.
"You were interesting to me. And when you were by youself, I wanted to talk to you so bad, but I was scared that you'd think I was the weird one. I purposely walked down the same hallway that you take, just so I can see you. I watched you, thinking that was all right with me. I thought I wasn't good enough. I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking this way."
Silence surrounded them as it all sunk it and as it all made sense and it all felt right.
A laughing Aki, in turn, made a confused Mao.
"So you're telling me that all that work and notes I took last night didn't even help?" he blurted, running a hand through his hair. He was wiping tears away from his flustered cheeks, slowly turning to face the other. Mao raised a hand to caress the side of Aki's face, thumb leaving no trace of those tears behind; he was smiling.
"Mao?"
"Yes?"
"Would you like to go out with me?"
A chuckle.
"Of course."
A/N: I tried by best not to make this too cheesy and too sugary; hopefully I succeeded. Yay for happy endings and darn, my hands hurt from typing non-stop, haha. Hope you all enjoyed. x3