Reminiscence
forget the things we swore we meant
I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright
can't say I'm sad to see you go cause I'm not
Five years from now, when I am reading this entry, what will I be thinking?
Because I did something I told myself I would never do after the last time; I read through some of my older Livejournal entries from 2001 and 2002.
I loathe emotions, and they're spilling in when I read my old words. I was so deluded and lost, so bent on pleasing everyone else but myself. I was incredibly ungraceful in everything I did. Gods, what was I thinking? I can't even associate myself with her; I can't even draw up clear images of being her. She exists as someone I knew, not someone I once was. Annoyance, pity, anger, and a deepest sort of loneliness.
Who are you when what you have been becomes nothing but a vague recollection? Some people say that the past makes you, but I am wondering if the forgetting of the past solidifies your current place in life and leaves you prepared for the innumerable changes heading in your direction.
Anyhow, on the subject of moving forward, Graduate school applications are a bitch. I truly despise filling out all this random information. Thankfully, selling myself in words is not exactly difficult. It becomes clearly obvious that I was either a politician or a prostitute in a past life.
I am going out of town tomorrow night - the beach. Typical family destination, which is comforting. I want to do nothing else but focus on my life, organize myself, and write.
This entry should be something more. I should mention all those deep philosophical thoughts I dwell on these most recent days. I should wonder if I am still that girl circa 2002, only that she is shoved beneath too many layers of bitterness. Actually, I doubt that. I feel... roughened and emptied. All those falsities that deluded myself once simply gone.
Here I am, and I am going to make my to-do list to clear my mind and then go to bed. I'll have a temporary dial-up connection available for the next week, so I will attempt to update.
I'll write you just to let you know that I'm alright
can't say I'm sad to see you go cause I'm not
Five years from now, when I am reading this entry, what will I be thinking?
Because I did something I told myself I would never do after the last time; I read through some of my older Livejournal entries from 2001 and 2002.
I loathe emotions, and they're spilling in when I read my old words. I was so deluded and lost, so bent on pleasing everyone else but myself. I was incredibly ungraceful in everything I did. Gods, what was I thinking? I can't even associate myself with her; I can't even draw up clear images of being her. She exists as someone I knew, not someone I once was. Annoyance, pity, anger, and a deepest sort of loneliness.
Who are you when what you have been becomes nothing but a vague recollection? Some people say that the past makes you, but I am wondering if the forgetting of the past solidifies your current place in life and leaves you prepared for the innumerable changes heading in your direction.
Anyhow, on the subject of moving forward, Graduate school applications are a bitch. I truly despise filling out all this random information. Thankfully, selling myself in words is not exactly difficult. It becomes clearly obvious that I was either a politician or a prostitute in a past life.
I am going out of town tomorrow night - the beach. Typical family destination, which is comforting. I want to do nothing else but focus on my life, organize myself, and write.
This entry should be something more. I should mention all those deep philosophical thoughts I dwell on these most recent days. I should wonder if I am still that girl circa 2002, only that she is shoved beneath too many layers of bitterness. Actually, I doubt that. I feel... roughened and emptied. All those falsities that deluded myself once simply gone.
Here I am, and I am going to make my to-do list to clear my mind and then go to bed. I'll have a temporary dial-up connection available for the next week, so I will attempt to update.