when it rains, it pours
Last night, I had a severely angry customer who went crazy and laid into me.
It was just the last straw and I couldn't take it, so I freaked out dramatically with the non-stop crying and all that fun stuff. I called Eddie in and went home early, because I just couldn't deal with it.
Brandon and I aren't the only thing that's had trouble this week. At the same time that I was worried over that, my brother was running away from home for the second time in five days.
We also learned that he and his friends are messing around with drugs. Marijuana right now -- but he's apparently expressed interest in acid.
It absolutely churns my stomach that Hunter has fallen this far down. I mean, I knew he was depressed and that he was having a lot of emotional trouble, but I'd honestly thought he had enough sense to stay away from that path of escape.
And my mother's been worried sick over both of us, and I've been worried about her, because I know she's already stretched thin as it is.
I wish this sort of stuff didn't all have to come at once. If Brandon and I weren't taking time apart, I would have him as a support; if my family weren't dealing with larger problems, I'd have them as a support whilst I go through this with Brandon. But instead I feel guilty for being upset, and for putting my problems on anyone.
I think it's time for another visit to the therapist, because it's hard to fight the feelings of being alone, and the feeling that it's my fault. I know none of that's true, but it's hard to get out of this way of thinking, and I need to. I am doing much better than last time though.
Several people have been asking me whether I still intend to move to Houston even though Brandon and I aren't taking things so quickly and seriously anymore. The answer is yes, because he wasn't the only reason I was going back. I was going back to help my mother -- and now, my brother too -- and no matter how much I may whine and complain about them, I was looking forward to being close to my family again. Those are my main reasons, though without Brandon I might not have realised them. And now that I'm not looking at marriage anytime soon, I can look at my options there career-wise. There are people who I know or my mother knows, who can give me a foot in the door to magazine-type work, and that sort of thing.
And if things work out with Brandon, then that'll just be the icing on the cake.
Anyway, if you're religious, keep us in your prayers. I'm going to visit Mom again tomorrow and Tuesday, so hopefully that'll help.
It was just the last straw and I couldn't take it, so I freaked out dramatically with the non-stop crying and all that fun stuff. I called Eddie in and went home early, because I just couldn't deal with it.
Brandon and I aren't the only thing that's had trouble this week. At the same time that I was worried over that, my brother was running away from home for the second time in five days.
We also learned that he and his friends are messing around with drugs. Marijuana right now -- but he's apparently expressed interest in acid.
It absolutely churns my stomach that Hunter has fallen this far down. I mean, I knew he was depressed and that he was having a lot of emotional trouble, but I'd honestly thought he had enough sense to stay away from that path of escape.
And my mother's been worried sick over both of us, and I've been worried about her, because I know she's already stretched thin as it is.
I wish this sort of stuff didn't all have to come at once. If Brandon and I weren't taking time apart, I would have him as a support; if my family weren't dealing with larger problems, I'd have them as a support whilst I go through this with Brandon. But instead I feel guilty for being upset, and for putting my problems on anyone.
I think it's time for another visit to the therapist, because it's hard to fight the feelings of being alone, and the feeling that it's my fault. I know none of that's true, but it's hard to get out of this way of thinking, and I need to. I am doing much better than last time though.
Several people have been asking me whether I still intend to move to Houston even though Brandon and I aren't taking things so quickly and seriously anymore. The answer is yes, because he wasn't the only reason I was going back. I was going back to help my mother -- and now, my brother too -- and no matter how much I may whine and complain about them, I was looking forward to being close to my family again. Those are my main reasons, though without Brandon I might not have realised them. And now that I'm not looking at marriage anytime soon, I can look at my options there career-wise. There are people who I know or my mother knows, who can give me a foot in the door to magazine-type work, and that sort of thing.
And if things work out with Brandon, then that'll just be the icing on the cake.
Anyway, if you're religious, keep us in your prayers. I'm going to visit Mom again tomorrow and Tuesday, so hopefully that'll help.