Drabble J2
Jensen sat on the cold floor of the kitchen, not even feeling the chill sweep through his body. He was numb against everything but the agony in his heart. He felt useless, nothing, like if he didn't exist the world would be a better place without him. All he brought was pain and fear and if he just wasn't there anymore then everyone he cared about could just mourn him and them move on with their lives.
He stared at the knife in his hand, the sharp blade that would be gleaming if the light were a little brighter. He had sharpened it especially, knowing it would bite through his flesh easily and with little pain. In the back of his mind was the thought that he was being stupid and weak, but over the last week he had felt the pressure building inside him, getting stronger and stronger, ready to explode and he knew he needed the release.
With a glance, he looked at the phone beside him, knowing he should pick it up, make that call for help, someone to stop him, but not a single molecule in his body allowed him to reach for it, like it wasn't even a possibility. Tears streamed down his face at the hopelessness he felt as he put the blade to his wrist, pushing it gently at first agaisnt the skin. This was it, this would be the last time, he just couldn't do this anymore, couldn't feel like this anymore. He pushed, feeling the sharp bite as the blade cut through his skin.
He didn't hear the door opening, but when he heard the sharp gasp all he could think of was "thank God". Then his relief turned to shame as Jared skidded to his knees beside him, ripping the knife away and pulling Jensen into his arms, hanging on for dear life.
"I'm sorry," Jensen whispered, his voice almost dull, belying the tears that soaked his cheeks.
"It's okay, baby, it's okay," Jared spoke into his hair, laying kisses over his head. "I'm here, and it's okay."
"What's wrong with me, Jay? Why do I feel like this?" Jensen begged for understanding because he sure didn't understand it. He had everything in the world to live for and yet he felt like he was collapsing into himself.
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out, I promise," Jared swore, his voice as strong as the arms that held Jensen tight, not letting go and giving Jensen the strength he needed to get through another night.
Jensen let his tired eyes fall closed, the feelings not gone, but dormant for the moment. Jared was here. He was loved. He had a reason to go on... until the next time...
He stared at the knife in his hand, the sharp blade that would be gleaming if the light were a little brighter. He had sharpened it especially, knowing it would bite through his flesh easily and with little pain. In the back of his mind was the thought that he was being stupid and weak, but over the last week he had felt the pressure building inside him, getting stronger and stronger, ready to explode and he knew he needed the release.
With a glance, he looked at the phone beside him, knowing he should pick it up, make that call for help, someone to stop him, but not a single molecule in his body allowed him to reach for it, like it wasn't even a possibility. Tears streamed down his face at the hopelessness he felt as he put the blade to his wrist, pushing it gently at first agaisnt the skin. This was it, this would be the last time, he just couldn't do this anymore, couldn't feel like this anymore. He pushed, feeling the sharp bite as the blade cut through his skin.
He didn't hear the door opening, but when he heard the sharp gasp all he could think of was "thank God". Then his relief turned to shame as Jared skidded to his knees beside him, ripping the knife away and pulling Jensen into his arms, hanging on for dear life.
"I'm sorry," Jensen whispered, his voice almost dull, belying the tears that soaked his cheeks.
"It's okay, baby, it's okay," Jared spoke into his hair, laying kisses over his head. "I'm here, and it's okay."
"What's wrong with me, Jay? Why do I feel like this?" Jensen begged for understanding because he sure didn't understand it. He had everything in the world to live for and yet he felt like he was collapsing into himself.
"I don't know, but we'll figure it out, I promise," Jared swore, his voice as strong as the arms that held Jensen tight, not letting go and giving Jensen the strength he needed to get through another night.
Jensen let his tired eyes fall closed, the feelings not gone, but dormant for the moment. Jared was here. He was loved. He had a reason to go on... until the next time...