where did i go wrong? i lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
i literally just posted an entry. but that one was private anyway.
but i was going back to older entries and was shocked to find a warning sign i missed. i think i missed a lot of them.
our friendship was gone for years, i just didn't know it til last summer. i don't think i'll ever get over it. i was given the chance to start over, but it just hurts so much. i feel so "unworthy." i now know a huge chunk/majority of it was my fault. but i can't live with the fact i never feel good enough around her. she knows everything about me, and i know nothing about her.
i feel like now it's a lost cause. it's such a shame. and now i can't get close to anyone without having to worry all the time. i never feel like i'm good enough for anyone. my old problem was that i blamed everyone else for my problems. now i know it's my own fault.
my most played song is "leave out all the rest" by linkin park. it reminds me of this whole situation.
guys have hurt me, but i didn't realize what bullshit that was. i lost my best friend and i'm never truly going to get her back. i know maybe we're "too different" but you'll always mean the world to me, even though i did a bad job of showing that i appreciated you.
you did a lot for me. so many people take you for granted and have treated you shitty. why am i the one who isn't worthy to be in your life? i'm not even saying that in an angry way, i just want to know. i wish i knew what to do to fix this before it got out of hand. now i feel like it might be too late. i wish it wasn't. i've been trying to move on from you but you're not some boy i can replace. i wish i knew if you cared about me half as much as i care about you these days. i wonder how often i cross your mind.
i've been working so hard to improve myself since college, and i think i've been doing the best i can. but i have an empty space. i wish i had you to call and tell about everything. i know you'd listen if i called, but it's not the same.
it hurts to know we were best friends. of course we had other best friends too, but we had a closeness no one else had. i know we were young, but i think if we fixed this when the problem was happening...our friendship would have gotten stronger instead of falling apart. at least i think so. i know i said i don't know who you are, but i know enough. you're still you. clearly we've both been in some messy situations, but i was hoping we'd get through it together instead of having it push us apart. i don't know why you never trusted me, yet i trusted you so much.
i've been trying since last summer to move on. hopefully in time i will move on with my life and just consider you a childhood friend and accept that we're not the same anymore. but honestly i don't know if that will ever happen.
but i was going back to older entries and was shocked to find a warning sign i missed. i think i missed a lot of them.
our friendship was gone for years, i just didn't know it til last summer. i don't think i'll ever get over it. i was given the chance to start over, but it just hurts so much. i feel so "unworthy." i now know a huge chunk/majority of it was my fault. but i can't live with the fact i never feel good enough around her. she knows everything about me, and i know nothing about her.
i feel like now it's a lost cause. it's such a shame. and now i can't get close to anyone without having to worry all the time. i never feel like i'm good enough for anyone. my old problem was that i blamed everyone else for my problems. now i know it's my own fault.
my most played song is "leave out all the rest" by linkin park. it reminds me of this whole situation.
guys have hurt me, but i didn't realize what bullshit that was. i lost my best friend and i'm never truly going to get her back. i know maybe we're "too different" but you'll always mean the world to me, even though i did a bad job of showing that i appreciated you.
you did a lot for me. so many people take you for granted and have treated you shitty. why am i the one who isn't worthy to be in your life? i'm not even saying that in an angry way, i just want to know. i wish i knew what to do to fix this before it got out of hand. now i feel like it might be too late. i wish it wasn't. i've been trying to move on from you but you're not some boy i can replace. i wish i knew if you cared about me half as much as i care about you these days. i wonder how often i cross your mind.
i've been working so hard to improve myself since college, and i think i've been doing the best i can. but i have an empty space. i wish i had you to call and tell about everything. i know you'd listen if i called, but it's not the same.
it hurts to know we were best friends. of course we had other best friends too, but we had a closeness no one else had. i know we were young, but i think if we fixed this when the problem was happening...our friendship would have gotten stronger instead of falling apart. at least i think so. i know i said i don't know who you are, but i know enough. you're still you. clearly we've both been in some messy situations, but i was hoping we'd get through it together instead of having it push us apart. i don't know why you never trusted me, yet i trusted you so much.
i've been trying since last summer to move on. hopefully in time i will move on with my life and just consider you a childhood friend and accept that we're not the same anymore. but honestly i don't know if that will ever happen.