(no subject)
update til, i don't know when actually. i pretty much think i moved out of my house last night. my step dad said he didn't care what i did, so i got some shit & here i am at my grandmothers. my mom is comming over after work at 4 to try to talk me into comming back but, i don't think i can. it's so stressful & reminds me so much of when i was younger. i don't wanna deal with it. my mom says she wants to keep this..'family' if that's what you really wanna call it; together. she has no organiztation of 6 kids plus her husband. i can sit there & watch her & know she can't. it's not that i don't love her. but she thinks i don't. i just can't stand all the yelling & hitting & shit that goes on. my grandma just wants to see me happy. i like can't smile anymore. it hurts to fake one. it sucks so much to be in the middle, and not feel anything. i don't want them to get a divorce. but i don't want to be there. no one really understands that.
i gess my grandma said they were talking divorce because of it. great so now because i opened my mouth & finally said somthing about not liking the house, i get to get the blame if they do get a divorce. i got like no sleep last night, i'm so drained. after the whole argument i had called adam, to talk to him cause i didn't know who else to talk to. he was already in a bad mood, they lost thier first game last night. he did really bad. then after there was a huge figth in the parking lot. some kids got messed up really bad. olympia people are such..scumbags. cept for the few i still care about. i saw one kid right infront of me get nailed upside the back of the head. that scared the shit outta me cause i thought i was gunna get hit or somthing. now i'm here. for now. til 4. then they'll end up trying to reason with my grandma saying how they'll change, but they really won't. shit will never change with this. it'll always go back. cause it always does. i hate fucking presidents break. week worth of nothing that means nothing because they just wanna keep us out of school longer. oh i can't fucking wait til spring break. 'nother week of hell. maybe i'll get out of this hell for awhile. britt wants me to go to ocean city nj & nyc with her. i don't know..anything anymore..it feels really empty..to not know what you have or want..
i gess my grandma said they were talking divorce because of it. great so now because i opened my mouth & finally said somthing about not liking the house, i get to get the blame if they do get a divorce. i got like no sleep last night, i'm so drained. after the whole argument i had called adam, to talk to him cause i didn't know who else to talk to. he was already in a bad mood, they lost thier first game last night. he did really bad. then after there was a huge figth in the parking lot. some kids got messed up really bad. olympia people are such..scumbags. cept for the few i still care about. i saw one kid right infront of me get nailed upside the back of the head. that scared the shit outta me cause i thought i was gunna get hit or somthing. now i'm here. for now. til 4. then they'll end up trying to reason with my grandma saying how they'll change, but they really won't. shit will never change with this. it'll always go back. cause it always does. i hate fucking presidents break. week worth of nothing that means nothing because they just wanna keep us out of school longer. oh i can't fucking wait til spring break. 'nother week of hell. maybe i'll get out of this hell for awhile. britt wants me to go to ocean city nj & nyc with her. i don't know..anything anymore..it feels really empty..to not know what you have or want..