On being 14.
I'm home sick, enjoying the newfound priveledge of paid sick days. Unfortunately, I really am sick, so enjoyment is limited to watching daytime television programming (all of which leads me to believe that M will cheat on me as soon as I get pregnant), and filling out a Crate and Barrel online wedding registry (which just reminds me that all I really want to do is stay home and cook magnificent meals).
I got tired of watching mock-judge shows, so I turned on Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet, which, to my surprise, came out ten years ago. Now, I've seen this movie so many times that I don't really need to pay attention or listen to the dialogue at all to remain sucked in to the film. I love this movie with all of the girly dreams and wishes I had at 14. Ten years ago, I was 14. Ten years from now, I will be 34. Time is weird.
It probably doesn't come as a shock to anyone that I've spent the last few months deep in thought. I've recently come to the conclusion that getting married doesn't mean that I have to change, but I'm not sure that I really believe that 100% (even though I want to). Even if I don't change, those around me will, in reaction to what they perceive as a major life change. My relationship with M is already one of complete devotion, so how can one singular day change the course of a lifetime?
I find myself dreaming of New York loft spaces, filled with friends and fresh baked goods (seriously, all I want to do is cook). I wonder where our life (singular) will lead us (plural). My head tells me that life will be best lived elsewhere, outside of this meth-filled valley, but my heart says that family is what makes a home and family is cemented in the desert earth. I'm torn, but not really.
I'm not sure that I know what's going on.
I got tired of watching mock-judge shows, so I turned on Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet, which, to my surprise, came out ten years ago. Now, I've seen this movie so many times that I don't really need to pay attention or listen to the dialogue at all to remain sucked in to the film. I love this movie with all of the girly dreams and wishes I had at 14. Ten years ago, I was 14. Ten years from now, I will be 34. Time is weird.
It probably doesn't come as a shock to anyone that I've spent the last few months deep in thought. I've recently come to the conclusion that getting married doesn't mean that I have to change, but I'm not sure that I really believe that 100% (even though I want to). Even if I don't change, those around me will, in reaction to what they perceive as a major life change. My relationship with M is already one of complete devotion, so how can one singular day change the course of a lifetime?
I find myself dreaming of New York loft spaces, filled with friends and fresh baked goods (seriously, all I want to do is cook). I wonder where our life (singular) will lead us (plural). My head tells me that life will be best lived elsewhere, outside of this meth-filled valley, but my heart says that family is what makes a home and family is cemented in the desert earth. I'm torn, but not really.
I'm not sure that I know what's going on.