'When the chips are down and it seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead...'
Hello friends. It's been awhile. Not much to report. I chopped all my hair off. That's newsworthy, at least in my world. Other than that...not too much. We just finished up Easter break. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm not writing in this to babble about things that don't matter at all to me...
Officer Hoffman said something to Jess and I a couple weeks ago that's really stuck with me since. He basically discussed the fact that if you're constantly looking for the bad in life, you're going to find it. If you keep pushing for the good, however, you may slip up, but you'll still ultimately be happier. I do think he's completely right and I've been trying to do that. Don't get me wrong. I'm still terrified of the future and that I'm going to fail. But I'm trying to stay optimistic and, dare I say it? Happy. It's sort of working in my favor. For the most part, I'm staying pretty high. Some things push me down, of course, but I'm trying not to stay down as long. And I'm trying to cut off the external negative energy, or at least keep it to a minimum.
One thing that's really making these goals difficult, however, if my insane crush that is still very, very much at the forefront of my mind. I just don't know. It's just hard. I like him. I like him more than I want to. People think I'm crazy and just obsessed. I can see it in their faces. It's okay. I don't even understand it myself. It doesn't hurt as much as it did, thank God. Not that I know why it hurt my heart the way it did. I just hate seeing him day after day and knowing that I don't have a shot, if for no other reason, because well...he can't. ::Sigh:: I just think about him ALL the time. I see him and my heart leaps into my throat and I can't help but smile. He says my name and I melt inside. I'm absolutely pathetic. No one wants to read this. I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm gonna go back to my dinner of puff'n corn, cookies, and lemonade. And I wonder why I'm fat. :-p
'The power to change the world is within us all. Once imagined ANYTHING can be realized. The possibilities are endless...EMBRACE imaginary freedom!-TJH
Officer Hoffman said something to Jess and I a couple weeks ago that's really stuck with me since. He basically discussed the fact that if you're constantly looking for the bad in life, you're going to find it. If you keep pushing for the good, however, you may slip up, but you'll still ultimately be happier. I do think he's completely right and I've been trying to do that. Don't get me wrong. I'm still terrified of the future and that I'm going to fail. But I'm trying to stay optimistic and, dare I say it? Happy. It's sort of working in my favor. For the most part, I'm staying pretty high. Some things push me down, of course, but I'm trying not to stay down as long. And I'm trying to cut off the external negative energy, or at least keep it to a minimum.
One thing that's really making these goals difficult, however, if my insane crush that is still very, very much at the forefront of my mind. I just don't know. It's just hard. I like him. I like him more than I want to. People think I'm crazy and just obsessed. I can see it in their faces. It's okay. I don't even understand it myself. It doesn't hurt as much as it did, thank God. Not that I know why it hurt my heart the way it did. I just hate seeing him day after day and knowing that I don't have a shot, if for no other reason, because well...he can't. ::Sigh:: I just think about him ALL the time. I see him and my heart leaps into my throat and I can't help but smile. He says my name and I melt inside. I'm absolutely pathetic. No one wants to read this. I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm gonna go back to my dinner of puff'n corn, cookies, and lemonade. And I wonder why I'm fat. :-p
'The power to change the world is within us all. Once imagined ANYTHING can be realized. The possibilities are endless...EMBRACE imaginary freedom!-TJH