Venting once again
I know to some of you this gets old, as it does to my partner, but I need to vent. I continuously get tired that we both can sit on our computers and Chris has a vast social network that he can continually carry on conversations with via typed messages for hours on end. I sit there wondering why I cannot have the same, what have I done that people are not able to connect with me and do the same? Seriously at times I really feel empty and void, if not alone. I hate that feeling. I try to break it by going out and yet the cloud follows me, and I can not break through the social disability that I have. Am I a nomad cursed to walk the earth?
When I try to express my anger and dispare, I am told to look at everything I/We have such as my children, a home, cars, job. Those are important yes, but they do not fill the void of needing a strong social circle, or close relationship in which to confide. I thought I had that with Chris, but now I question as he gets annoyed with me asking who he is talking too, or view, stating I do not trust. His actions do cause me to question, but he does not see mine as just wanting to be involved or more connected. I love him for who he is, and he for who I am, as I am definitely not a perfect specimen to love.
The journey goes on, and I continue to seek answers, others that fall into my spectrum of life and reality. To find where I connect and why I've been placed where it is that I am. I am comfortable here, but definitely do not feel grounded. Is as my soul is telling me there is something more, somewhere else that I have yet to do. Or is that just my yearning for a sense of community? Who knows...So confused.
When I try to express my anger and dispare, I am told to look at everything I/We have such as my children, a home, cars, job. Those are important yes, but they do not fill the void of needing a strong social circle, or close relationship in which to confide. I thought I had that with Chris, but now I question as he gets annoyed with me asking who he is talking too, or view, stating I do not trust. His actions do cause me to question, but he does not see mine as just wanting to be involved or more connected. I love him for who he is, and he for who I am, as I am definitely not a perfect specimen to love.
The journey goes on, and I continue to seek answers, others that fall into my spectrum of life and reality. To find where I connect and why I've been placed where it is that I am. I am comfortable here, but definitely do not feel grounded. Is as my soul is telling me there is something more, somewhere else that I have yet to do. Or is that just my yearning for a sense of community? Who knows...So confused.