Bondaries
In case I forget I need to post this email in my journal... I made these commitments and boundaries, and even though they are going to be hard to keep all the time. I need to do them.
(It helps me to remember that I asked for help when I am angry at everyone for helping me.)
Email home:
I didn't say anything about not eating did I? It is crazy, and I do get overwhelmed, but
I am eating- something at least at every meal, and two snacks a day. In fact I just
had a delicious (well okay tasting) blueberry yogurt. This just to say that your right to
be concerned, but I do know I have a problem, and I am working on it so don't worry
too much. It makes things harder for me when things are over dramatized ( which
they tend to get here at CCC). I am not saying that you are doing that right now, but I
am very nervous about going home and dealing with a power-struggle over my diet.
So I just thought that I would share with you what I find to be helpful/ harmful:
Because it is a control issue, when people try to control what I am eating by
suggesting what I should eat or making negative comments about what I am eating it
only makes things worse.
Do not be the food police, do not question whether I am throwing up, or accusingly
question whether I have eaten yet.
When I get home I will talk to you about establishing accountability with
someone in the church who you could state concerns to and they could
question me, but I feel that our relationship is not at a place where
accountablity on this level would be benificial. (This is not to say that I won't
share with you when I am struggling, just setting a boundary as to what I am
comfortable with you asking me on a regular basis.)
It is okay if you are concerned about the portions I eat, because often I don't
gage correctly the amount I am eating, but do not confrount me with your
concern until after the meal (wait at least an hour). It probably took a lot of
energy just to eat as much as I did, and when I am told right away that that
wasn't good enough I tend to become apathetic about eating enough in
general.
Pray for me, let me know when I look good in an outfit, do not make
comments about me gaining or losing weight... Try to avoid commenting on
your own weight/ bodies. Part of my disorder is that I still very much feel
overweight, but I know that isn't true, and the more I hear that I look okay,
that I am doing okay, the more I am able to believe that is true.
The friends that help me the most are the ones who encourage me. When I
eat it is hard and not in a obtrustive way they'll tell me when I have made
good eating decisions, just by saying " your my hero today," or smiling at me
(in a non-sappy way.) That more than anything helps me to want to get
better, because I know that I have people who love me and recognize that I
am trying.
Now I want you to know that I understand that my weight loss is a legitimate concern.
I am not underweight right now, but I am not eating healthfully. I have made steps to
address this, by requesting to meet with a dietician, planning on attending healing
journey, and talking to you about my concerns. Additionaly I know that is going to be
important that I have someone who I am accountable to and meet with on weekly
basis ( I am not sure who, maybe Frannie? If you know anyone who would be willing
or good I open to suggestions.) If other people talk to you about me I want you to
know you have permission to share what you feel is necessary as prayer concerns
for our family, just please use discersion.
There are some goals which I have regarding my diet. Right now I am not throwing
up and haven't been this month so my may concern is eating more. Intially I want to
eat 1200 calories a day, broken down into roughly into 3 meals of 300 calories each
and 300 calories in snacks.
I plan to start running and will continue to increase my caloric intake as much as
needed to maintain a weight of 115 to 120 which is within and above (even the low
weight) the healthy BMI range for my height. I do not want to gain weight, but I am
willing to stay within this range, and willing to ammend my diet/ exercise routine to
stay within this range. (By the way I need to buy an accurate scale for checking my
weight at home) I will be accountable to you on weekly basis for my weight, so you
will know and not have to worry about my being healthy.
Concessions:
I am willing to eat dinner with the family, just allow me to choose my own
portions.
If you want to eat out fastfood, please let me know in advance, and I will be
able to bring something to supplement a main menu item. There are things
that I like at most places, which I am comfortable eating.
As long as the focus remains on being healthy I am hoping to do well this summer
with eating. Just realize that there is a point where you do just have to magnify Jesus
and not the disorder. I have grown a lot this year, and I know that you recognize that I
am an adult. I am looking forward to grow in openness with our relationship, and in
closeness with God and our family, which is one of the reasons I shared all these
concerns with you. Please realize that I am mature enough to share your concerns
with as well. I would love to be able to keep you in prayer and encourage you in your
battles. God is doing big things in our family and I am excited for it.
Know that I love you and am looking forward to seeing you.
Sarah Jane
(It helps me to remember that I asked for help when I am angry at everyone for helping me.)
Email home:
I didn't say anything about not eating did I? It is crazy, and I do get overwhelmed, but
I am eating- something at least at every meal, and two snacks a day. In fact I just
had a delicious (well okay tasting) blueberry yogurt. This just to say that your right to
be concerned, but I do know I have a problem, and I am working on it so don't worry
too much. It makes things harder for me when things are over dramatized ( which
they tend to get here at CCC). I am not saying that you are doing that right now, but I
am very nervous about going home and dealing with a power-struggle over my diet.
So I just thought that I would share with you what I find to be helpful/ harmful:
Because it is a control issue, when people try to control what I am eating by
suggesting what I should eat or making negative comments about what I am eating it
only makes things worse.
Do not be the food police, do not question whether I am throwing up, or accusingly
question whether I have eaten yet.
When I get home I will talk to you about establishing accountability with
someone in the church who you could state concerns to and they could
question me, but I feel that our relationship is not at a place where
accountablity on this level would be benificial. (This is not to say that I won't
share with you when I am struggling, just setting a boundary as to what I am
comfortable with you asking me on a regular basis.)
It is okay if you are concerned about the portions I eat, because often I don't
gage correctly the amount I am eating, but do not confrount me with your
concern until after the meal (wait at least an hour). It probably took a lot of
energy just to eat as much as I did, and when I am told right away that that
wasn't good enough I tend to become apathetic about eating enough in
general.
Pray for me, let me know when I look good in an outfit, do not make
comments about me gaining or losing weight... Try to avoid commenting on
your own weight/ bodies. Part of my disorder is that I still very much feel
overweight, but I know that isn't true, and the more I hear that I look okay,
that I am doing okay, the more I am able to believe that is true.
The friends that help me the most are the ones who encourage me. When I
eat it is hard and not in a obtrustive way they'll tell me when I have made
good eating decisions, just by saying " your my hero today," or smiling at me
(in a non-sappy way.) That more than anything helps me to want to get
better, because I know that I have people who love me and recognize that I
am trying.
Now I want you to know that I understand that my weight loss is a legitimate concern.
I am not underweight right now, but I am not eating healthfully. I have made steps to
address this, by requesting to meet with a dietician, planning on attending healing
journey, and talking to you about my concerns. Additionaly I know that is going to be
important that I have someone who I am accountable to and meet with on weekly
basis ( I am not sure who, maybe Frannie? If you know anyone who would be willing
or good I open to suggestions.) If other people talk to you about me I want you to
know you have permission to share what you feel is necessary as prayer concerns
for our family, just please use discersion.
There are some goals which I have regarding my diet. Right now I am not throwing
up and haven't been this month so my may concern is eating more. Intially I want to
eat 1200 calories a day, broken down into roughly into 3 meals of 300 calories each
and 300 calories in snacks.
I plan to start running and will continue to increase my caloric intake as much as
needed to maintain a weight of 115 to 120 which is within and above (even the low
weight) the healthy BMI range for my height. I do not want to gain weight, but I am
willing to stay within this range, and willing to ammend my diet/ exercise routine to
stay within this range. (By the way I need to buy an accurate scale for checking my
weight at home) I will be accountable to you on weekly basis for my weight, so you
will know and not have to worry about my being healthy.
Concessions:
I am willing to eat dinner with the family, just allow me to choose my own
portions.
If you want to eat out fastfood, please let me know in advance, and I will be
able to bring something to supplement a main menu item. There are things
that I like at most places, which I am comfortable eating.
As long as the focus remains on being healthy I am hoping to do well this summer
with eating. Just realize that there is a point where you do just have to magnify Jesus
and not the disorder. I have grown a lot this year, and I know that you recognize that I
am an adult. I am looking forward to grow in openness with our relationship, and in
closeness with God and our family, which is one of the reasons I shared all these
concerns with you. Please realize that I am mature enough to share your concerns
with as well. I would love to be able to keep you in prayer and encourage you in your
battles. God is doing big things in our family and I am excited for it.
Know that I love you and am looking forward to seeing you.
Sarah Jane