December
This month holds a lot of memories for me.
Probably because this is the month(season) we all associate with good memories.
Thats not always true tho. I remember growing up when the holiday season was hell.
Our family would get together, and then they would drink and things would turn up violent. This is called a gathering, to the ones curious enough to ask.
Not that I didn't get gifts or anything like that. But I would have liked for it to just be more about the gathering. And now I don't see those people anymore. EVER. They live across the country(might as well be across the universe). And I ask myself. Is it better this way? Or would you rather have the chaos back, just to see those faces again. If i saw them again I probably wouldn't recognize them.
So these "gatherings" were a big part of me, making shit out of stars, until about freshman year, after that they stopped trying. So I didn't really associate family with the holidays anymore. I began to associate it with friends, which is a part of my family. Something else amazing happened to me around the holiday season about 3 years ago. I fell deeply in love. We're not together anymore. I still love her. I know she loves me too. But she can't express it like I wish she could, and thats fine. Because people make their own decisions. Anyways, I remember the night very distinctively when I realized what I had. I cried because I had never felt "romantic love" (as they call it) before. Up until that point I only knew platonic love, and even that love was a little disorientated. It was a different experience for me. I guess it scared me in a way. It was good though, it was something that I needed to shape who I am at this moment. So now when the holidays roll around I think of the girl who collected rain in a plastic bag, and called it warm. And even though her mom thought it was silly, she knew what she was doing and exactly how much meaning it held. I think its true that rain has a cleansing affect, because I felt clean that evening. Our pupils danced with each other, to no specific song, and when we kissed the raindrops beaded off our noses and slipped down in between our lips, thats what made it so warm.
It sounds like a dream or fairytale or something. not everyone's relationship turns out like one in a movie. But for me it did. I thought that was strange because film is my passion. :) SO you might think I'm just trying to tell a good story, you're wrong. It happened that way, I didn't make it happen that way. But I loved every minute of it. I wouldn't have it any other way. The rain that night did cleanse me, it gave me a new set of GOOD memories to think about every time the season comes back. Instead of remembering my uncle being attacked by police officers on the front lawn of our home because his good-for-nothing wife can't hold her liquor. It also helped me to become a lover, meaning someone who tries to love everyone. I'm still working on it, it doesn't come along easily. But I think above any thing else thats what I really want to accomplish in life.
So sometimes, when people get caught up in making shit out of stars, I think about that little bag of water, and I tell myself that I'd rather be making memories out of rain drops.
Thanks for reading.
Sincerely, yours truly.
(Chris)
P.S. I love Seanna.
Probably because this is the month(season) we all associate with good memories.
Thats not always true tho. I remember growing up when the holiday season was hell.
Our family would get together, and then they would drink and things would turn up violent. This is called a gathering, to the ones curious enough to ask.
Not that I didn't get gifts or anything like that. But I would have liked for it to just be more about the gathering. And now I don't see those people anymore. EVER. They live across the country(might as well be across the universe). And I ask myself. Is it better this way? Or would you rather have the chaos back, just to see those faces again. If i saw them again I probably wouldn't recognize them.
So these "gatherings" were a big part of me, making shit out of stars, until about freshman year, after that they stopped trying. So I didn't really associate family with the holidays anymore. I began to associate it with friends, which is a part of my family. Something else amazing happened to me around the holiday season about 3 years ago. I fell deeply in love. We're not together anymore. I still love her. I know she loves me too. But she can't express it like I wish she could, and thats fine. Because people make their own decisions. Anyways, I remember the night very distinctively when I realized what I had. I cried because I had never felt "romantic love" (as they call it) before. Up until that point I only knew platonic love, and even that love was a little disorientated. It was a different experience for me. I guess it scared me in a way. It was good though, it was something that I needed to shape who I am at this moment. So now when the holidays roll around I think of the girl who collected rain in a plastic bag, and called it warm. And even though her mom thought it was silly, she knew what she was doing and exactly how much meaning it held. I think its true that rain has a cleansing affect, because I felt clean that evening. Our pupils danced with each other, to no specific song, and when we kissed the raindrops beaded off our noses and slipped down in between our lips, thats what made it so warm.
It sounds like a dream or fairytale or something. not everyone's relationship turns out like one in a movie. But for me it did. I thought that was strange because film is my passion. :) SO you might think I'm just trying to tell a good story, you're wrong. It happened that way, I didn't make it happen that way. But I loved every minute of it. I wouldn't have it any other way. The rain that night did cleanse me, it gave me a new set of GOOD memories to think about every time the season comes back. Instead of remembering my uncle being attacked by police officers on the front lawn of our home because his good-for-nothing wife can't hold her liquor. It also helped me to become a lover, meaning someone who tries to love everyone. I'm still working on it, it doesn't come along easily. But I think above any thing else thats what I really want to accomplish in life.
So sometimes, when people get caught up in making shit out of stars, I think about that little bag of water, and I tell myself that I'd rather be making memories out of rain drops.
Thanks for reading.
Sincerely, yours truly.
(Chris)
P.S. I love Seanna.