i rape myself (from my BPD post)

[luvpumpkin]

realization???? could THIS be how it was????
not sure which is scarier - the idea that i was broken BEFORE hand, the idea that i could have hid it from myself or the idea that my brain could have lied to me, telling me things happened physically that maybe possibly only occurred emotionally????

i have always felt like a rape victim. (and i do NOT in

Comments

[mckee92]

Ah the icon is just a little something I came up with after reading a warhammer 40k book. The adeptus is just a title for an organisation, and Lupercal is a particularly awesome leader in the book, so it means followers/adepts/disciples of Lupercal (which is derived from lupine/lupus, wolf lord or something in my mind.)

That wont mean anything to you, its only my default because I have no better ones, and haven't got any recent photos uploaded here.

As for time zone, I guess you are about 5 hours behind, if my comparison of the time stamp, and your actual time is right. Your comment was posted at 8:08pm my time, so that should be it.

As for stopping the pain, thats what I meant about it being naive, because I know it isn't possible to stop all the pain, and that you have used your experiences to help people, and all that. Its the same part that wishes I could do a lot of things that aren't possible, and that are short sighted.

I wish I could write automatically, I don't find it hard, but I can't just go into story telling mode and write. I'll have to post some more fiction soon, it's been a while since I wrote a chapter.

[luvpumpkin]

see, i envy that. those who can write fiction or even memoirs... i can only write what i am feeling when i am feeling it... i go thru phases... i don't attempt to write in a certain way but i feel and see things in ways that can't be explained, but rather must instead just be expressed as is. like when i talk about a room full of acorns or the halloween acid house... prob makes sense to no one but it is how i see and feel at the time. when i try to write like a writer, i lose something. i can barely keep focused when writing short little posts... i get lost in my mind with all its words, feelings and images... i'd love to write a story but i can't seem to get one together.

good for you that you can! would love to read some!

[mckee92]

Hhm, well I'll maybe have a post up tonight, it is fantasy fiction, but I tried to avoid cliché stuff. I have a few stories on my LJ, but they are mainly fanfiction for me and my MMO buddies, so they might be indecipherable.

I actually wish I could attain your level of connection with your descriptions, you make them so real, the various rooms are vivid and interesting, otherwordly, but believable. You have a skill with words, one Im sure I would be hard pressed to match, and I think that connection is a factor.

As for writing what you feel, when you feel it, well thats what I do, I wrote a joking lighthearted section when I was happy, a climatic battle when I was in a particularly pumped up, angry mood, and then the emotional bits when I was feeling a bit upset/frustrated. I just use a different medium and analogue for my feelings.

I'd love to write a story too, a proper one. I'd kill to be published.

[luvpumpkin]

me too!!
xoxo