inspired by flirting w forty, of all things
.... I'm going 2 apply 2 the police academy for its next session as I'm 2 late and 2 out of shape for this one.... Depending on how work continues 2 make me feel and if my life suddenly isn't conducive 2 police work, ill either go in2 educational psych and teaching OR just study 4 myself and go after art hx degrees.
I'm tired of trying 2 make my life profound. Living it truthfully is profound, not chasing things that sound validating or impressive.
I won't be THAT girl. The one who plays it safe in love and hides from life behind books and college.
I wana live art and literature, not speak academically about it at dinner parties.
And I don't wana be a hypocrite.... Changing the lives of others while ignoring my needs 2 change.
That means for 2day anyway, I wana be free 2 feel for ian and c him til he goes while I get in shape mentally and physically and accept the many offers 4 friends from work, etc... I have cyclothymia and perhaps PMDD 2. I have allergic asthma and EIA but that's not so bad I need 2 stop living. I'm not nuts, not in denial, not an OCD freak and not terminal. The only thing stopping me is my emotional eating. Even when I don't gain weight, I'm still not approp dealing. And if that's the only thing I really need 2 face well then, I'm pretty fucking lucky.
I won't be a martyr donning my look what crap I can take in the interest of rightness.... I'm guna be a flawed disappointment who tries 2 do her best and stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Esp cuz the world not only doesn't give a shit that I care nor has time 2 acknowledge that I do but also cuz the world aint doing a damn thing 2 return the favor.
Ill help the few people god let's me help by first taking care of the most important person he asked me 2 fix - ME!
I'm tired of trying 2 make my life profound. Living it truthfully is profound, not chasing things that sound validating or impressive.
I won't be THAT girl. The one who plays it safe in love and hides from life behind books and college.
I wana live art and literature, not speak academically about it at dinner parties.
And I don't wana be a hypocrite.... Changing the lives of others while ignoring my needs 2 change.
That means for 2day anyway, I wana be free 2 feel for ian and c him til he goes while I get in shape mentally and physically and accept the many offers 4 friends from work, etc... I have cyclothymia and perhaps PMDD 2. I have allergic asthma and EIA but that's not so bad I need 2 stop living. I'm not nuts, not in denial, not an OCD freak and not terminal. The only thing stopping me is my emotional eating. Even when I don't gain weight, I'm still not approp dealing. And if that's the only thing I really need 2 face well then, I'm pretty fucking lucky.
I won't be a martyr donning my look what crap I can take in the interest of rightness.... I'm guna be a flawed disappointment who tries 2 do her best and stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Esp cuz the world not only doesn't give a shit that I care nor has time 2 acknowledge that I do but also cuz the world aint doing a damn thing 2 return the favor.
Ill help the few people god let's me help by first taking care of the most important person he asked me 2 fix - ME!