saran-wrap (may be triggering)
today was the worst... and ya wana know why? cuz even tho it was a good day, i still jumped quickly to thoughts of wishful-death when anything (little or big) happened that i didn't like.
i don't have REAL peace, but a saran-wrap illusion of peace.
a peace that is so thin it is see-thru and so often punctured.
things can be all fine and dandy one minute and then BLAM! something like a flat tire or a letter from the bank saying i have insufficient funds or a change in classroom assignment at work can send me into a rapid and immediate desire to die.
no time to plan it or act on it - instead it is just a thought.
and evil thought that jumps out from what appears to be nowhere.
but can it really be from THAT out of the blue?
it must be stalking me....
waiting for me...
hiding behind trees, smiles and corners....
like a thought inserted into my head, it hits me with such force that i can't even imagine having the time to think of it myself.
it brings me to my knees and daily makes me ask myself when will it stop?
will i ever out run it?
or one day will it find me and this time stay.....
staying long enough to pick up the blade, or open the pill bottle
and end me forever.
i don't have REAL peace, but a saran-wrap illusion of peace.
a peace that is so thin it is see-thru and so often punctured.
things can be all fine and dandy one minute and then BLAM! something like a flat tire or a letter from the bank saying i have insufficient funds or a change in classroom assignment at work can send me into a rapid and immediate desire to die.
no time to plan it or act on it - instead it is just a thought.
and evil thought that jumps out from what appears to be nowhere.
but can it really be from THAT out of the blue?
it must be stalking me....
waiting for me...
hiding behind trees, smiles and corners....
like a thought inserted into my head, it hits me with such force that i can't even imagine having the time to think of it myself.
it brings me to my knees and daily makes me ask myself when will it stop?
will i ever out run it?
or one day will it find me and this time stay.....
staying long enough to pick up the blade, or open the pill bottle
and end me forever.