(no subject)
Ok....
So many of you know how much I hate hate hate this time of the year. Lack of sun. The cold. The holidays (dear God. The HOLIDAYS ugh)
This year is my first year I've worked in a few.... more than I'd like to admit. So it should be better. I'll have money to buy stuff I need. I'll be able to buy cheap gifts. etc etc etc
But...
I hit my year anniversary since I became homeless on October 24th. I've lived in a shelter since then.... and it's worn me down.
This year seems to be especially difficult.
I "lost" two best friends last month. One is in jail. I miss her desperately. She always seemed to know when to call me. :(
The other was a guy I met here. His name is Tony. Why didn't I mention him? *shrugs* But... I loved him because he was SO sweet and kinda smart and funny and creative and most importantly? He GOT the ... cycles of depression and anxiety. Just how they go hand in hand. How they can suck in a huge way. How they impact your life. Your friendships. Everything. And apparently I did something bad. He just... disappeared. I've talked to him once but not more than like ten minutes.
I miss him nearly as much as I miss Nikki when she gets busy with life and I only (yes. only) get a small handful of texts a day.
And because it's me... I assume it's something *I* did. Was it? Maybe. But my missing him isn't getting any better.
What else?
I am cooking frequently (read that as daily) with Amy and Keith. It really helps me.
Depression ... yeah pretty horrible. I am trying prestique instead of effexor. I haven't seen a difference yet. But its only been a few days.
Anxiety? Shrugs. Depression and anxiety go hand and hand for me. I freak out in any crowds now. Grocery shopping is me concentrating on my personal bubble and getting out as soon as possible.
I am trying to ignore all these things. It's not helping. I .... wish I could explain why I am so bad. Just how it is I guess.
Live hour to hour and call it good. Just pray I don't end up in the hospital again. Ugh.
So many of you know how much I hate hate hate this time of the year. Lack of sun. The cold. The holidays (dear God. The HOLIDAYS ugh)
This year is my first year I've worked in a few.... more than I'd like to admit. So it should be better. I'll have money to buy stuff I need. I'll be able to buy cheap gifts. etc etc etc
But...
I hit my year anniversary since I became homeless on October 24th. I've lived in a shelter since then.... and it's worn me down.
This year seems to be especially difficult.
I "lost" two best friends last month. One is in jail. I miss her desperately. She always seemed to know when to call me. :(
The other was a guy I met here. His name is Tony. Why didn't I mention him? *shrugs* But... I loved him because he was SO sweet and kinda smart and funny and creative and most importantly? He GOT the ... cycles of depression and anxiety. Just how they go hand in hand. How they can suck in a huge way. How they impact your life. Your friendships. Everything. And apparently I did something bad. He just... disappeared. I've talked to him once but not more than like ten minutes.
I miss him nearly as much as I miss Nikki when she gets busy with life and I only (yes. only) get a small handful of texts a day.
And because it's me... I assume it's something *I* did. Was it? Maybe. But my missing him isn't getting any better.
What else?
I am cooking frequently (read that as daily) with Amy and Keith. It really helps me.
Depression ... yeah pretty horrible. I am trying prestique instead of effexor. I haven't seen a difference yet. But its only been a few days.
Anxiety? Shrugs. Depression and anxiety go hand and hand for me. I freak out in any crowds now. Grocery shopping is me concentrating on my personal bubble and getting out as soon as possible.
I am trying to ignore all these things. It's not helping. I .... wish I could explain why I am so bad. Just how it is I guess.
Live hour to hour and call it good. Just pray I don't end up in the hospital again. Ugh.