The Thief

[luvlymish]

Once, long ago, I was human,
A year of four hours a night followed
A degree where I worked as hard as I wanted
And never fell flat until I could.
Then the non-human was the rest I promised myself
The treat of being Want and Need and gloriously simple Reaction
Unfiltered.
Once long ago, the word for me was
Uncivilised though close to Human
And I stood up for European work habits and
Went home religiously before six o'clock and arrived
To hear the band playing before school started
And I took rare rests, barely needed to be
Want and Bared Throat and moaning, sighing Reaction.
Once, long ago, I was human
And then the virus came
It came back again and again
And the human times get shorter
Each time a little more of who I was
Robbed by the virus
Each time it takes a little more to stay here
Human
Completely in control
And I can't do it
I can't go a bare week now without Needing
To be Want and Reaction
The choice to be unfiltered is still there
I guard it
It is my last wall
It's still there
I choose it.
But that choice is none at all
The choice is when
It has always been when
But once, long ago, it masqueraded so you couldn't tell
It was not If.
Once, long ago, I was human,
I miss it still.