"shattering rose colored windows"
...yeah so today...
i cried harder than i ever have in my entire life =( ... my brains were twisting inside of my head, i don't think i have ever, or will ever feel this type of malaise...ever again...my heart has been twisted and mangled into bits of flesh so small that they cannot even be recognized, it seems is all i can do is bleed and bleed, like the source of blood has no end, no barrier to break my agony for a mere moment. Everything spins and spins, and spins yet more. Reality doesn't exist to me, I'm no longer here, just the ruins of me. My eyes are swollen and sting with each blink...i want to run...but i cannot. For the one place i feel safe, the one place i feel like me, the one place i wish to run to, i am no longer welcomed, i have been put out and shunned, hated even? for reasons unknown to me? Thats what it feels like. I'm being punished for loving. For doing what we were fucking put on this earth to do? "love or you are sure to perish" i read...crap...or maybe its not, maybe the other is wrong? Could i be right...am i so fucking use to being told im wrong, that i have shielded myself from thinking im right? am i right? Mullish fools...do not let it go...you are here to love...otherwise your purpose be nothing. Find it.
I'm broken, and dignity is gone. I know where it is, but i cannot attain it, for the barrier is still in place...millions of stoney, false, and insubordinate reasons are all that block me, and yet i can only cry till im gone. I scream and cry and flinch in horrific pain. I'm no longer my self, just a reflection. I gave myself to you, and you selfishly took me, and then ran...because you fear your purpose. I am right. You fear god's fucking will. It always comes to this...fear. such a stupid ideal, if thats what it is? And while you are out searching for you, you take me with you..not knowing all along...that your intentions...are not, and will not be met by your actions. You dig both of us a grave.
((This is me feeling sad,helpless, and having a realization))
i cried harder than i ever have in my entire life =( ... my brains were twisting inside of my head, i don't think i have ever, or will ever feel this type of malaise...ever again...my heart has been twisted and mangled into bits of flesh so small that they cannot even be recognized, it seems is all i can do is bleed and bleed, like the source of blood has no end, no barrier to break my agony for a mere moment. Everything spins and spins, and spins yet more. Reality doesn't exist to me, I'm no longer here, just the ruins of me. My eyes are swollen and sting with each blink...i want to run...but i cannot. For the one place i feel safe, the one place i feel like me, the one place i wish to run to, i am no longer welcomed, i have been put out and shunned, hated even? for reasons unknown to me? Thats what it feels like. I'm being punished for loving. For doing what we were fucking put on this earth to do? "love or you are sure to perish" i read...crap...or maybe its not, maybe the other is wrong? Could i be right...am i so fucking use to being told im wrong, that i have shielded myself from thinking im right? am i right? Mullish fools...do not let it go...you are here to love...otherwise your purpose be nothing. Find it.
I'm broken, and dignity is gone. I know where it is, but i cannot attain it, for the barrier is still in place...millions of stoney, false, and insubordinate reasons are all that block me, and yet i can only cry till im gone. I scream and cry and flinch in horrific pain. I'm no longer my self, just a reflection. I gave myself to you, and you selfishly took me, and then ran...because you fear your purpose. I am right. You fear god's fucking will. It always comes to this...fear. such a stupid ideal, if thats what it is? And while you are out searching for you, you take me with you..not knowing all along...that your intentions...are not, and will not be met by your actions. You dig both of us a grave.
((This is me feeling sad,helpless, and having a realization))