yo yo!!
hey guys sorry i havent updated in forever my brother messed up my comp but right now im in N.H so. things have been pretty hectic at home with charlene and frankie.. damn it drives me crazy.not to bitch like i always do but it seems like everything i kno is wrong and everything i thought was true isn't.. im so sorry for neglecting you Amy and christine i should be shot..ill provide the 15lbs of fried chicken but we need kool aide and some watermelon.lol.hmm havent spoken to dave in forever and its all cuz im an asshole.shop is interesting without amanda because we all miss her and her brother is like this little troll that just pisses everyone off... girrrr..OMG! i dyed my hair and it looks effing amazing!I miss Amy and christine i think they are mad at me.. they have every right to be.. im such a douche bag.fuck man!i fucked everything up... i miss amy and christine but all this shit is driving me crazy i cant take it.Im worried about what will happen .Frankie wants to buy this biotch a ring! Shes gonna say no and im scared of what will happen.. I dont wanna be there when it happens...He scares me now he's depressed and i cant look at him it kills me so much.I gave in so bad sunday cuz frankie and jackie were being such assholes and of course my mom didnt say a thing to them.I turned off my light in my room sat there with my music so louds so noone could hear my cries and pleas for forgiveness.. Please everyone forgive me for fucking everything up..... I cant even look myself in the mirror at all in the morning without wishing i werent here.i wanna quite so bad its all a game to these people and were gonna lose by a long shot and i cant bare to see him when she says no and hes going to beg her, and plead with her and shes just going to walk away from him and im going to just die when i see him get crushed.. she admitted it to me yesterday morning .how do u think that made me feel? pretty fucking bad because hes dying inside and shes going to finish him off.im stuck here and have nothing to do ... i always have a plan when it comes to my family having a problem but im lost.... ive lost already theres no point in trying anymore.Im on 4 different meds now and they dont work for shit.. there just going to give me some more anyways... im afraid that if i dont take the meds then ill never be the happy person that i wanna be but then im afraid that if i dont take them then im going to rely on them to be that happy person...im going downhill fast but i manage to smile everyday and i make it through school without crying and with no one suspecting a thing.what god does that do me?im done and i want out of this game.