(no subject)
things seem really interesting right now. like if i were a human researcher i would be the best ginnuie (sp?)pig.Lately i find myself having no time for anything yet i do nothing all day.Ive been in this depressive state for too long im neglecting eveyone. im afraid amy and christine wil move on without me because im so distant from them right now and it saddens me and i kno its my fault.Shop has become a hassle more and more and fucking alisha tardiff is going to eat my fist if she keeps being a little kike she is so lucky i didnt punch her in the face last week.i dunno... yay i stopped taking my meds.. only for them to put me on more... but el yay saturday i go fer me tat.. el yay its going to be sexy. i cant wait i am not gonna cry im not gonna cry.. i hope it wont hurt... if it does ill have to suck it up cuz this is what i want ...friday the letter and card and i go to randi's office .. itll be the walk of shame thru the hallway. frankie and charlene are still together wtf man. these people are fucked up.i dont kno what to do anymore.
I have plenty of heart
Today i am,I don't kno how,
today all i am ready is for suffering,
today i have no friends,
today the only things i have is the desire
to rip out my heart by the roots
and stick it underneath a shoe.
Today that dry thorn is growing strong again,
Today is the day of crying in my kingdom,
depression unloads today in my chest
a depressed heavy metal.
Today my destiny is too much for me.
And i'm looking for death down by my hands,
looking at knives with affection,
and i remember that friendly ax,
and all i think about is the tallest steeples
and making a fatal leap serenly.
If it werent for .... I dont kno what,
my heart would write a suicide note,
a note i carry hidden there,
i would make an inkwell out of my heart,
a fountain of syllables, and goodbyes and gifts,
and you stay here i'd say to the world
I was born under a rotten star.
My grief is that i have only one grief
and it weighs more than all the joys together.
a love affair has left me with my arms hanging down
and i can't lift them any more.
Don't you see how disillusioned my mouth is?
How unsatisfied my eyes are?
The more i look inward the more i mourn!
cut off this pain?--who has the scissors?
yesterday,tommorrow,today
suffering for everything,
my heart is a sad goldfish bowl,
a pen of dying nightingales.
i have plenty of heart.
Today to rip out my heart,
i who have a bigger heart than anyone,
and having that, i am the bitterest also.
I dont kno why, i don't kno how or why i let my life keep on going every day.
I have plenty of heart
Today i am,I don't kno how,
today all i am ready is for suffering,
today i have no friends,
today the only things i have is the desire
to rip out my heart by the roots
and stick it underneath a shoe.
Today that dry thorn is growing strong again,
Today is the day of crying in my kingdom,
depression unloads today in my chest
a depressed heavy metal.
Today my destiny is too much for me.
And i'm looking for death down by my hands,
looking at knives with affection,
and i remember that friendly ax,
and all i think about is the tallest steeples
and making a fatal leap serenly.
If it werent for .... I dont kno what,
my heart would write a suicide note,
a note i carry hidden there,
i would make an inkwell out of my heart,
a fountain of syllables, and goodbyes and gifts,
and you stay here i'd say to the world
I was born under a rotten star.
My grief is that i have only one grief
and it weighs more than all the joys together.
a love affair has left me with my arms hanging down
and i can't lift them any more.
Don't you see how disillusioned my mouth is?
How unsatisfied my eyes are?
The more i look inward the more i mourn!
cut off this pain?--who has the scissors?
yesterday,tommorrow,today
suffering for everything,
my heart is a sad goldfish bowl,
a pen of dying nightingales.
i have plenty of heart.
Today to rip out my heart,
i who have a bigger heart than anyone,
and having that, i am the bitterest also.
I dont kno why, i don't kno how or why i let my life keep on going every day.